You depend on the opinions of others and those who are different from you: for example, who is slimmer - these are your friends! Let's look at your problem from other angles: do your friends have three children, the youngest of whom is 1 year old? Maybe their husbands also work like your husband? If these are real friends, then do real friends say that their friend got fat
? Or so they say envious people
? Aren't there many good comforters near you who want you do good?
Or do they reflect to you what you think about yourself? And then, you spread rot on yourself, don’t respect, don’t love, etc.? Maybe it's time to stop this Ferris wheel? In other words, stop scolding yourself, humiliating yourself, and taking personally what does not belong to you! And accept yourself as you are - without insults, humiliation, with all your advantages and disadvantages. Paradoxical change theory states that change occurs when a person becomes who he is, not when he tries to be something he is not. And only after that, answer yourself the question: “What do you want from yourself?” I assume to become more slender? If so, then let's move on to the next step, where there is a little theory.
Up to 2 years, after birth, there is a restructuring and restoration of physiological processes; If you are breastfeeding, this period increases. Therefore, it is necessary, first of all, to take care of your health, the health of your children and your husband. Children feel you not verbally, through feelings and sensations, and if you are nervous, suffering, thinking about bad things, then this is passed on to them, but why do you need this? I understand that it’s not easy for you to see your friends slim, who remind you of you, the one who was the same, and now you have become different, but if before you had two children, now you have three, and it took a lot of strength and energy to bear, give birth, and now raise another child!
If you want to start changing in the direction of being slim, then for this you need - not to cheat on yourself, not to scold yourself, not to think about your husband, but to ask him directly how he feels about you, having gained weight? Hear from him what he says, and only after that, regardless of what he says - do not collapse, but remain yourself!!!
Diets are prescribed for the sick, not the healthy! There are no diets for weight loss, in a good way! There are fasting days, fast days, fasting days (you just need to study this before you start doing it), lifestyle changes. For you, I don’t know whether you feed your baby with your milk or not, you can eat your own natural food, cutting back
cakes and pastries, carbonated drinks, fried and salty foods; and after 19:00 - switch to kefir with crackers or fruit. Remembering the golden rule for weight loss: “Eat less, move more.” If you do shaping at home, then that’s great! Activate your movements fresh air, together with the baby in a stroller, and then, gradually, you will return to your natural path!
When you are engaged in self-flagellation, you live not your life, but those who tell you what, ascribing standards of society (?), who should be and what they should be, then your life loses all meaning, and thoughts about death creep in, - this is for you For what? Start living in the present, based on what you have, and not on what you don’t have (or once had). The point of power, like the point of change, is always in the present moment! Therefore, no matter what, start treating yourself with respect, tenderness and love, feel happiness that you are such a great mother of three children and you have a husband who is trying for the family to cover the mortgage, and it takes time to pay off your debts, and at the same time, feel pleasure in what you already have, and then your life will sparkle with completely different colors, just like your soul! Then it will be easier for your husband, and the future of your children will become brighter and more stable every day...
All the best. Best regards, Lyudmila K.
Every person faces various problems, negative and inappropriate events in his life, is exposed to stress, and encounters misunderstanding and rejection from others. All this leaves its mark, an imprint on the psyche and emotional state of a person. Sometimes things are so bad that you feel melancholy and sadness. Let's talk about what to do in such a situation.
“I feel really bad” - how to understand yourself? What signs should you look out for?
If you feel a point and sadness, if you feel bad, then the first thing you need to do is stop for a minute, stop the train of thoughts and look at yourself from the outside. We need to objectively analyze the situation. What symptoms can you identify:
General poor health
Decreased appetite
Loss of strength, weakness
Decreased motivation and reluctance to do or undertake anything
Feeling of doom
Feeling Useless
Feeling the meaninglessness of life
Decreased social contacts, communication with friends and loved ones
Lack of new ideas and plans for life
Rest and favorite activities cease to bring joy.
If you find many or at least half of the listed symptoms, this is a clear signal that you need to help yourself get out of problems. How to do it?
How to get rid of melancholy and sadness?
1. We change our way of thinking.
You may be in such a sad state for various reasons: objective or subjective, but you need to act to get rid of melancholy and sadness. And the first thing you need to do is to understand the essence of the problem and change your way of thinking.
Be that as it may, there are difficult situations in life and you need to deal with them. Whatever happens, you must understand it and continue to live, cope with negative emotions. There is nothing absolute in the world, nothing eternal and unambiguous. Be philosophical. Don't look for the meaning of life, think about yourself instead.
Remember the positive, joyful moments of life and think, why not change your life so that joy returns to you? Why not feel happy? After all, you can do it, it all depends on you.
2. We find the cause of the poor state of mind.
The reason for the negative sad state is not always obvious. You should think about your condition and understand when you felt bad and what it was connected with. You must remember that you must get rid of the following destructive feelings:
Feelings of envy
Guilt
Anger
Aggression, hostility
General mistrust.
If you understand that at least one of these feelings is firmly holding you, you need to fight it, get rid of it. Perhaps someone will object that these feelings help to survive in a difficult world, but this is self-deception. These feelings cause you to live in negativity, think negatively and plunge yourself into depression and sadness.
3. We allow ourselves to be ourselves and do not try to change others.
It often happens that we ourselves strive for something, but it just doesn’t work out. We find ideals for ourselves, sometimes false ones, and try to achieve them. But let's think, is this necessary, is what we are striving for necessary? Is this a true goal or a false one?
The true goal is what we ultimately want to achieve and it brings joy and happiness. It does not serve as a means to anything.
False goal - often we do not understand what we really need. A false goal serves as a means to achieve something else; it replaces some kind of complex or internal problem.
An example of a true goal is a home to live with your family in happiness and harmony.
A false goal is if a young man dreams of an expensive car, while the car itself is not particularly needed, he just thinks that if he drives an expensive car, he will become popular among girls. There is a substitution of the true goal - to find a life partner - with a false one - to buy an expensive car.
Think about it, what are your goals? Maybe you are not going your own way? Maybe you are forcing yourself to do something that is alien to you?
If so, then feel free to leave what is not for you. But be careful not to confuse what you want with what you really want. True goals are also not always easy to achieve and require an investment of work and time.
Think also, perhaps you require other people to be as you are comfortable with? Maybe you don't take into account their individuality? You shouldn't do this.
Allow yourself to be yourself and others to be different.
4. Changing our lifestyle.
Lifestyle affects our state of mind. And in difficult situation Often a change in lifestyle helps to overcome difficulties. If you lead a monotonous lifestyle, change it to a dynamic one. Try to become more active, let things and events swirl around you.
If your lifestyle is already fast, businesslike, impetuous, try to live calmly, measuredly, impressively.
You will certainly cope with the melancholy and sadness in your soul - you just need to understand your problems and want to solve them. No one but you can solve your problems, so act and you will succeed!
The sound industry has a completely different state of shortages. Severe mental pain, devastation, melancholy, apathy, a feeling of the meaninglessness of existence, despite the fact that outwardly everything seems not so bad - all these sound problems arise if the sound artist does not find satisfaction of his desires, which lie in the world of metaphysics, beyond ordinary human interests. As long as there are no answers to the questions “why do I live? Why does the world exist?”, the sound artist cannot experience the joy of bringing it to other people. Study and work, success and wealth, family and home, power and knowledge - all this fades under the dome of sonic melancholy, general depression, and the mental pain of the sound artist.
Sound depression is the most severe suffering for a person. It is impossible to cure it with psychotherapeutic agents, sedatives or antidepressants. Read more information about sound deficiencies in the articles: “Atheists: There is no God, and there is no meaning in life either?”, “The meaning of life is an illusion or a conscious necessity”, “The smartest suicide: I am God, I am Pain, I am Zero.. . ".
The disease is not as terrible as its incorrect definition. You can get rid of everything, but you must initially understand the causes of the disease. If you treat symptoms exclusively, especially if they are misinterpreted, it will not lead to anything good.
How to relieve mental pain? How to get rid of melancholy and depression?
Understanding your own shortcomings, your desires is a step towards getting rid of bad psychological situations. Understanding your own feelings is already half the battle on the road to recovery. And filling your desires with real pleasure is a way to quickly get rid of all the painful sensations in your soul.
Today, every person has the opportunity to understand themselves, to understand their shortcomings. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan provides unique access to this information: in lecture form, on simple examples from life, training participants gain a unique skill - to understand themselves, their desires and their needs.
After completing the training, students undergo bad conditions, depression, sadness, melancholy, feeling of disgusting mood. Read many reviews from those who have experienced similar changes in their lives.
See how the lectures are going, can you do it right now?– follow this link and watch any video.
If you suffer from melancholy, depression, constant sadness, mental pain, and want to get rid of them, or want to help people you love with similar problems, we invite you to attend the introductory, free lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. You can sign up for them using this link.
A person is naturally given to understand himself, his psychology and his subconscious. It's not hard to do, you just have to find it necessary information. System-vector psychology for the first time opens this knowledge to everyone. We invite everyone who is looking for answers to their questions to additionally subscribe to our newsletter: each issue contains a lot of materials on system-vector psychology.
Melancholy is called painful sadness, oppression of the spirit and longing of the soul. explanatory dictionaries. The meaning of the word “melancholy” is as follows: it is anxiety, anxiety, fear, apprehension, grief.
In everyday life, you can often hear more figurative definitions. For example: melancholy is when the heart aches.
The verbs attributed to melancholy are also noteworthy: gnaws, oppresses, consumes; They become exhausted from melancholy and disappear.
Feelings and emotions
A feeling is a purely subjective, persistent emotional perception of abstract, fictitious or real objects or circumstances; this is a subconscious process. The formation of feelings is directly related to the experiences gained by an individual throughout life.
Emotion is a reflection of the subjective perception of something, which is situational in nature; Unlike feelings, which can weaken and awaken again over time, emotions - their appearance and change - depend on momentary circumstances. Emotions are reflected in facial expressions, gestures, and emotional statements.
When asking the question of whether melancholy is an emotion or a feeling, it is necessary to take into account all the shades of this concept, the qualities that interpreters endow it with, as well as the resistance of melancholy to attempts to get rid of it. All this allows us to classify this sensation as a feeling.
What is the difference between sadness and melancholy
Longing is almost always colored negatively, gloomily, and is associated with loss or something unrealizable.
Sadness can also remind you of pleasant moments and be based on positive memories.
Satellites of melancholy
With high affective saturation, long-term melancholy may be accompanied by other symptoms. In these cases, differential diagnosis with somatic diseases that have similar symptoms is necessary.
- A feeling of tightness, pressure in the chest and specifically in the heart area, heaviness and pain in the heart area - these manifestations can be mistaken for symptoms of angina pectoris. In order to exclude this disease, differential diagnosis using functional examination methods is necessary.
- Heaviness or dull pain in the head.
- Episodes of psychomotor agitation.
- Some decrease in memory in relation to current events.
- A special case is the appearance of melancholy in prepubescent children. Having difficulty identifying what melancholy is, they describe their state as “sadness”, “sad mood”, and additional physical sensations are often localized in the right half of the chest or in the epigastric region, and complain of abdominal pain. Often this complaint is the reason for starting an examination.
Discussion of the subject of melancholy, as well as the physical sensations that accompany it, causes a person to make characteristic gestures: the person presses his hands to his chest, grabs his head, etc.
How to deal with melancholy?
What are the ways to overcome melancholy? The reasons for its occurrence and development must first be identified. To date, no universal methods have been created to relieve this condition; Each case is individual and requires a special approach.
- Longing for the past. It should be understood that it is unlikely that it will be possible to eradicate it once and for all. The feeling of longing for departed loved ones is inevitable, so you should try to make the sensations as less negative as possible: strive to retain in your memory only positive moments, traits, features.
- The most difficult option to correct is longing for the present. Having analyzed all the circumstances that contributed to the rooting of melancholy, you should make every effort to change your attitude towards the subject that caused the development of this emotion. It should be assumed that if you sit and indulge in melancholy, no changes for the better will occur.
There are no simple ways, but it is necessary to fight in order to avoid negative impact melancholy on the personality structure.
If you are unable to cope with oppressive feelings on your own for a long time, you should contact a specialist who will help you analyze the situation and point in the right direction to get out of it.
Adrenaline yearning
That's what they call it psycho emotional condition, which develops in a person in the event of a long-term decrease in the production of the usual amount of adrenaline.
Suppression of the emotional background and episodes of fear in this case may be accompanied by the following somatic symptoms:
- dry mucous membranes;
- throbbing headaches;
- muscle cramps.
Such a symptom complex can be observed, for example, in fans of sports or extreme tourism after stopping their favorite risky activities.
Pathological melancholy
Every feeling arises in response to some specific impressions and has its own reasons.
When the object or phenomenon that caused melancholy cannot be identified, and the person himself cannot clearly explain what caused such an emotional state, there is a possibility that in this case Melancholy is one of the symptoms of a psychological disorder or even mental illness.
Neurosis
Emotional distress, in some cases without apparent causes, is combined in this disease with episodes of increased anxiety, fatigue, inadequate self-esteem, changes in the value system, inconsistency of judgment, emotional lability, tearfulness, sleep disturbances (characteristic drowsiness in the daytime is combined with difficulty falling asleep).
Emotional disturbances in neurosis are combined with physical manifestations:
- pain in the abdomen, chest, headaches; Moreover, when examining the physical causes of the pain syndrome, they are often not found;
- autonomic disorders, up to attacks of extrasystole;
- panic attacks with changes in blood pressure, darkening of the eyes, possible loss of consciousness;
- signs of vestibular dysfunction: difficulty maintaining balance, unsteady gait, episodes of dizziness;
- hypertrophied feeling of fatigue, rapid fatigue even with a slight load, a pronounced decrease in performance, a long period recovery.
With timely diagnosis and adequate treatment, neuroses can be successfully treated.
Endogenous depression
With this disease, a feeling of melancholy is one of the main symptoms. A persistently reduced emotional background leads to a decrease in physical activity, a sharp reduction in the circle of friends, a decrease in initiative, and spontaneous activity.
As a rule, patients cannot clearly explain what caused this condition.
The danger is that such melancholy can lead to complete self-isolation of a person.
This condition is a sign of a serious illness and is a reason to consult a doctor.
Vegetative-vascular dystonia
With this disease, a melancholy state is combined with vegetative disorders:
- rapid heartbeat, extrasystole;
- increased sweating;
- feeling of hot or cold flashes;
- cardialgia, burning, feeling of pressure in the chest;
- burning sensation in various parts bodies.
The melancholy-anxious state is especially pronounced in vegetative-vascular dystonia after a panic attack or when pain occurs.
Many symptoms of this disease require differential diagnosis with somatic pathology.
Our mood is very changeable. Sometimes we ourselves cannot say exactly why we suddenly feel sad. First of all, you need to figure out what made you sad, and then remember all the actions that you need to do when you feel bad.
Unfortunately, not all days of our lives are successful. Sometimes it seems as if the world has turned its back on you, and everything, as luck would have it, turns out completely differently than you wanted. In such cases, we always think that we simply got up on the wrong foot in the morning. Although the reasons for apathy and bad mood can be completely different. I can say for sure - one of them is idleness. Think about it and you will agree with me. Sometimes you sit at home, stare blankly at the monitor, and nothing makes you happy. You go and lie down on the sofa, trying to sleep. Does not work. You get up and begin to depict a “pendulum”, i.e. you walk from corner to corner, not knowing what to do with yourself.
Stop! This shouldn't happen. Remember the good children's “Tale of Lost Time.” You don't want to waste precious minutes of your life, do you? Of course not. In this case, let's start talking about what to do when you feel bad.
- Think positive.
Often we become fixated on our apathy and sink deeper and deeper into it. Not worth it stir up the situation with bad thoughts and bad feelings. Remember some of the most pleasant moments in your life, and in the smallest detail, as if you are living it again. It could be anything: the first kiss, the birth of a sister or brother, your birthday or a vacation at sea.
With happy memories and positive thoughts good mood will come back by itself.
- Smile.
If you are overcome by melancholy and bad thoughts, then go to the mirror and smile at your reflection. Do you agree that looking at such a beauty, the mood simply cannot remain bad?
- Appreciate what you have.
Sometimes people, because of their selfishness, become so demanding of themselves and others that don't value what they have, and everyone dreams of some unconquered peaks. No, dreaming is, of course, good, but we must not forget about reality. Agree, sometimes you ignore or even offend loved one, thinking that I would gladly exchange communication with him now for communication with a certain “man from my dreams.” It happens that we lose someone’s friendship or love without giving it any special meaning, and we realize it’s too late, when nothing can be returned. This happens not only in relation to people.
For example, you have been waiting for summer and warmth for so long, and now it has come. However, you had some problems that occupied everyone’s thoughts. What's the end result? Missed sunny days and regret that you “didn’t see summer” and didn’t have time to enjoy it. Don't forget that a bird in the hand is better than a pie in the sky. In other words, it is better to enjoy the present than to dream about the future, otherwise your whole life will turn into just an eternal dream about something vague.
- Learn to enjoy the little things.
With the advent of comfort in our lives, human needs have also changed.
People are corny stopped enjoying little things. But it is from them that our whole life consists.
So finally look around and make sure that the world is beautiful! You don't have to go far to do this, just look out the window. What do you see? Sun? Great - it will warm you up. Rain? It’s also not bad - it will water the earth. Thunderstorm? Great - the air will be filled with ozone, in other words, freshness. Wind? Great - it will clear your mind. In the end, of course, I joked a little. But in general this is how it is.
Sometimes it happens that you don’t know the reason for your melancholy and what to do when you feel bad. Here are a few for real effective ways dispel sadness.
- Call your friend.
Just choose a friend who is always positive. No, I understand that you don’t choose girlfriends, but if you have several of them, then still follow my advice. Maybe your best friend is not a very cheerful person by nature. And now you only need POSITIVE, and not boring complaints about another disadvantaged fate.
- Run to spend money!
This, in my opinion, is the most effective way completely get rid of a bad mood. After all, this is a kind of medicine for women, and I absolutely don’t understand people who don’t like shopping.
- Read your favorite book or watch an old movie.
Take out your favorite blanket from the bins of your Motherland, take a book (which you’ve read 100 times, but still like it) or the TV remote control, get comfortable in your chair and start getting high. It’s not often now that you get to truly relax: there are always some problems and endless things to do. Take time for yourself and what you love.
- Go in for sports or at least cleaning.
Yes, I understand, the phrase sounds scary - go in for sports. I will say this: if by nature you are not sports man(which is most likely the case), then at least make a “swallow” on the balcony or a “birch tree” on the sofa. Okay, let's leave my dreams of sports. Remember that movement is life and go get a rag and a bucket. Clean your apartment or room until it shines, and then in such cleanliness you yourself will simply be ashamed to grieve.
- Treat yourself to some tasty treats.
Forget about calories for a while. Buy your favorite cake or chocolate. Keep in mind that this is not just my advice “from my head”, but scientists think so. Therefore, listen to the priority opinion of serious guys.
If you feel bad because of someone
Often we suffer and cannot find a place for ourselves because of some a certain person. There may be several reasons for this (quarrel, separation, unwillingness to forget, etc.). Let's figure it out.
- Let go of the past, love the present and look forward to the future.
Sometimes we don’t know what to do when we feel bad at heart because of the need to forget a person dear to our hearts and simply erase his image from memory. However, if there is no other way out, then you need to go through this pain. You may have to forget yours ex-lover or accept leaving best friend to another city - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is that at first it’s not at all easy to do.
Remember all the good things that connected you with this person, then forcefully convince yourself that you cannot change what has already happened, only after that try to reconcile yourself and accept everything as it is.
Think about the fact that in the future you will still have a lot of new acquaintances and meetings with different people, some of which may someday become family to you.
- Ask for forgiveness.
If the reason for your sadness lies in a quarrel with someone close to you, and you are to blame, then hurry to apologize. Think that time is running out, and each of you is overcome by constant thoughts about each other, you are both nervous. So why is all this necessary? Keep in mind nerve cells are not restored, so act immediately. After all, a real person There is no shame in asking for forgiveness. But you are a REAL person? ;)
- Let it go.
Sometimes it happens that you get hung up on some problem or cannot find a way out. certain situation, and then thoughts about it become obsessive. Relax, remember the wise phrase that there are no hopeless situations and give yourself at least a day of “breathing”. Tell yourself and your problem: “I’ll think about it tomorrow.”
- Change the scenery.
If you feel bad, maybe it's because you're tired. Try a change of scenery. There is no need to leave the city if this is not possible. Stay with your grandmother, aunt, or friend for a couple of days. This will definitely help. During this time, you will have time to miss your native walls and return home absolutely happy.
Know how to fight bad moods, sad thoughts and adjust yourself only positive!
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