Time flies instantly, with every minute we become older and more experienced. Previously, we could walk for days on end, now we are more interested in how to make money and feed our family. Previously, in a quarrel, we would emotionally slam the door and leave, but now we are trying to come to a compromise and understand the opposite side.
Scientists and psychologists have long studied the issue and called these changes a special term - emotional maturity. What is emotional maturity and how to understand whether you are a mature person will help you figure it out on the Internet publication site.
Concept of emotional maturity and immaturity
Throughout life, a person changes - this is a natural process. For some this is expressed more clearly, while for others the changes are more reserved. Psychologists began to understand the concept of personality formation back in the 19th century. Sigmund Freud was one of the founders of the study of emotional maturity. After him, many scientists tried to study this phenomenon, but only one definition was put forward. In general, emotional maturity is a set of factors in a person’s life in which he normally exists, enjoys what is happening, adequately reacts to difficulties and finds ways to overcome them. The opposite character to an emotionally mature person is an infantile personality.
An emotionally immature person is not confident in himself, tries to assert himself at the expense of other people, judges, is jealous and is rude. A characteristic feature of immaturity is the inability to find balance and measure: if feelings, then love till death, in the professional sphere - work until you sweat, in sports - until your body is exhausted.
Infantile individuals are prone to addictions: alcoholism, drugs, obesity, substance abuse. Due to dissatisfaction with their lives, they seek consolation not in themselves, but in the temptations around them.
The main signs of an emotionally mature person
To recognize what kind of person you are dealing with, you need to know what signs characterize an emotionally mature personality.
So what kind of mature person is he?
1) Listens to criticism. A person who has reached emotional maturity will listen to comments to the end, draw conclusions, discuss everything, and will no longer make the same mistakes. If the criticism, in his opinion, is not justified, he will present his vision calmly and based on the facts.
2) Not afraid of new things. Life is very changeable, today you are “on horseback”, tomorrow you will be fired from your job, your wife will leave you, or you will move to another country. But for an emotionally mature person, this is not a worldwide problem. He will weigh all the pros and cons, and will be able to adapt to the new stage of life without causing a tragedy.
3) Stop stress. In difficult situations, he does not give in to fears and does not give in to emotions. Nerve cells not only spoil your mood, but also have a detrimental effect on your health.
4) Adhere to the principle of long-term enjoyment. The prospect of feeling good is always pleasant, which is why many are addicted to alcohol or cigarettes, which provide temporary pleasure. But for an emotionally mature individual, it is better to achieve hedonism later, but longer.
5) Not only loves to receive, but also to give. This applies to money, positive emotions, love. Infantile people only wait for everything to be given and given to them; selfishness takes over.
6) Shows respect for others. The ability to come to terms with and forgive is not a sign of weakness, but a trait of emotional maturity.
7) Accepts the fact of death. Life is given only once, and no matter what scientists or magicians say about the afterlife, it cannot be verified. A mature person understands this, and therefore does everything possible to enjoy what is given.
8) Engaged in self-realization. A rationally healthy person looks for himself in creativity, new projects, and strives to achieve new goals.
9) Willing to take risks. When an infantile person sits silently and waits for happiness to fall on his head, a person who has reached emotional maturity takes everything into his own hands and acts.
10) Has patience. This Crying and screaming are allowed in childhood when we cannot wait and do not want to endure. An accomplished adult endures and does not cause panic prematurely.
How to develop emotional maturity
If you notice that you do not meet some of the characteristics of an emotionally mature person, this is not a problem. The main thing is to be interested in changing the situation.
To do this, you should listen to some tips:
Develop a sense of responsibility. Get a pet, take on overtime tasks that will give you more discipline and motivation.
. Restrain yourself. When in disagreement, don’t shout without thinking through your response, hold your breath, count to 5, exhale and think why did you do this? The answer is to become a better person. Therefore, first cock your response before shouting and quarreling.
. Read books. No matter how banal it may sound, books develop thinking and horizons, help you think through decisions and find ways out of difficult situations using examples from the lives of heroes.
. Don't panic at the first difficulties. If at first sedatives can help with this, then over time you should give up auxiliary things and try to cope on your own.
When you lose your strength and want to give up everything, think that you will definitely not be able to achieve emotional maturity this way. Remember what motivates you and clearly visualize the picture of what you want to achieve. This will give you strength and patience.
Emotional maturity is not easy to achieve. But it can be developed and strived to be achieved. Nowadays, it is considered a compliment of the highest praise if you are awarded the title of an emotionally mature person. Such a person will improve himself and help others to realize themselves, serving as a good example to the younger generation. Do not allow fears, worries, stress, selfishness into your life. Try to give and love more, give and forgive, and then you can consider yourself an emotionally mature person.
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As a rule, when it comes to personality development, they talk about many qualities that are not easy to understand. In fact, the point is purely about emotional maturity. If you know how to manage your emotions, are disciplined and patient - this is a sign of personal development. They say that the brain becomes mature by the age of 25, but with the psyche everything is completely different. You can shape it throughout your life.
What if you don't know how to manage yourself and yours? Emotional immaturity is characterized by the following symptoms:
- Emotional escalation
- Labeling
- Accusations
- Deception
- Desire to be the center of attention
- Passive-aggressive behavior
- Impulsive behavior
We bring to your attention ways to achieve emotional maturity.
note
Notice situations and pay attention to areas of life in which the greatest emotional difficulties arise. This may be a difficult step, but it will allow you to stop reacting to problems like a child.
At what point do you start acting immature? It's likely that you cope with most difficulties, but in certain situations something goes wrong. Find out why this happens, where the trigger is that starts the chain reaction. It is also necessary to analyze your personality at a deep level.
Notice the triggers
Actually, you need to notice the triggers. At what points do you immediately become defensive? Why? What are you afraid of?
Many of the answers lie in childhood. Triggers can be set off not only by parents, but also by the school environment and childhood friends. Many people are afraid to look that far, but this one will help see the root of the problems. Old wounds will bleed for a lifetime if they are not dealt with wisely.
Accept reality
Reality bites. We are uncomfortable learning to cope with difficulties and problems, disappointments and changes. But it's even harder to accept reality.
An emotionally immature person will blame circumstances and the world around him for everything. This can last a lifetime.
If you don't like people, then at least stop being surprised and disappointed. Better yet, just change your attitude. There is good in every person, you just need to find the right approach.
Work with what you have. With those people who are nearby, with the world that actually exists, and not in your imagination.
Take responsibility
You can always decide how you will react to a given situation. This is personal responsibility. Not all situations can be corrected, not all problems can be solved. But it is necessary to develop an attitude towards them.
What situations and problems do you automatically react negatively to and why?
Define your ideal
- What do you want from life?
- What kind of family life do you want?
- What friends?
- Which neighbor?
- How do you want to behave with people?
- How do you want them to behave towards you?
- What words do you want to use most often?
- How exactly do you want to respond to challenges and problems?
The answers to these questions will help you see the person you want to become. You may have to work long and hard on yourself, but it will be worth it.
Become Whole
Life is contradictory, just like you. Determine what is good and what is evil for you. What should you never do?
Integrity means responding to a certain event and getting answers to the most difficult questions about your identity. Instead of simply reacting as you will, decide what reaction you expect from yourself.
Practice self-discipline
Allows you to contain emotions and prevent them from getting out of control. It makes you a reliable person, both to yourself and to others.
Start by planning and completing small goals every day for a week. Then gradually increase the difficulty. Train yourself to do what you're supposed to do, train your willpower muscle.
Focus on something bigger than yourself
You can't become emotionally mature if you only think about yourself. Focus on compassion, friendliness, kindness and service.
Thinking about and helping other people is a great way to combat stress. You don't even have to save the world, you just need to pay attention to those around you.
We wish you good luck!
There are no age limits to emotional immaturity. If you live with someone who is emotionally immature, don't dream or hope that the person will eventually grow out of it, because this may take forever.
Most people think that maturity is about age. In fact, the true indicator is how much a person lies about their emotional stability. Immaturity in this case is when you have the emotions of a child or the absence of them as such at all. If you think you can change such a person, think again.
Emotional immaturity is not a habit that can or should be broken. This is the inability to grow and see any perspective. While this is all a result of many different things such as modeling, an individual's personality, and sometimes trauma or neglect in their past, everyone grows at their own pace and some people simply never mature. Here are seven signs your partner is emotionally immature.
He never takes responsibility for anything he does
Emotionally immature people do not consider themselves responsible for anything they do or anything that happens in their lives. Everything that goes wrong has to do with someone else. Everything they don't have is the fault of those who deprived them of it.
They simply don't see how their actions are causing anything bad in their lives. All their failures are the result of the actions of someone else, but not of themselves. Such individuals believe that others are deliberately trying to keep them in place and are hiding from them what they want.
They lack empathy
Emotionally immature people are unable to put themselves in another person's shoes. This does not mean that they simply cannot sympathize with people, it means that they do not at all feel sorry for poor people in other countries. They use different stereotypes to characterize people who live in poor conditions, and they generally do not feel any obligation to anyone. They don't care how a person feels, whether he feels bad or good. They don't care about anyone but themselves.
They suppress people and thus feel strong and powerful
An emotionally immature person usually lacks self-confidence. He feels strong and powerful when he suppresses other people's feelings.
The more they hurt someone, the better they feel. These people use intimidation, name-calling, and any other bad behavior they can muster to win an argument or put someone in a more humiliating position. This makes them feel superior to everyone else.
They refuse to listen to anyone's opinion
Emotionally immature individuals do not want to hear what other people think or say. Don't try to convince them that they are wrong or that their opinion may be completely wrong. They will never give in to anyone, they will not even listen.
Having a serious conversation with someone who is still completely emotionally immature and incapable of listening to another point of view is completely pointless. Talking and proving something to such people is the same as banging your head against a wall.
They always get what they want and still act like little children.
If you disagree with an emotionally immature person, he becomes hysterical. He won't fall to the floor and cry and scream like a small child, but the result is almost the same.
When you don't follow their lead, all you can do is watch the terrible hysteria. What they want is what they get. If such people don't get it, they start getting hysterical and you have no choice but to give in to end this hysteria quickly.
They never compromise
When you're in a relationship with an emotionally immature partner, you never get what you want. You always give in and follow their lead. They never compromise.
This means that if they don't get exactly what they want, they won't settle for anything. Compromise is something that even children learn. An emotionally immature partner is a person who continues to win, he does not want to give up. He does not admit losses or defeats. So be prepared to sacrifice and give up.
They don't care about your feelings if they get in the way.
Emotionally immature people don't care about how you feel or what you want. You are just a tool with which they get whatever they want. Such a person manipulates you in any way because the only personality that exists in their head is their own. They don't care what problems you have, why you're upset or crying.
In fact, your emotions and conversations with them only irritate and anger them. They are not at all interested in how you think and what you want, so stop thinking that your couple simply lacks communication. You communicate well. They refuse to listen because they don't care.
Emotional immaturity in adults who haven't yet realized that the world doesn't revolve around them doesn't mean it's just a matter of time and waiting for the big baby to grow up. Think again whether this relationship is worth continuing.
Not all people grow up. This is not a requirement. As long as you feed them and don't force them to change their immature ways of surviving, they will use your kindness to their advantage to get what they want.
The next time your significant other begins to tantrum and wait for you to give her what she wants, and at the same time acts like a two-year-old child, treat such a person as a child, ignore him. Rewarding bad behavior at any age only perpetuates it. Nip emotional immaturity in the bud!
Agree, sometimes it’s difficult not to succumb to resentment when everything in your soul is burning and seething. Of course, we can squeeze out through clenched teeth: “Yes, I forgive you.” But don't actually do it. It is accepted that adults are capable and able to manage their emotions: fear, anger, rage and even joy. It's always easier said than done! Sometimes it happens that the most ordinary trouble can throw us off track. For example, you wake up in the morning, iron your favorite dress, put it on and... accidentally spill hot coffee on yourself! It's a shame to the point of tears, even if you scream! So this is the most petty situation that can be solved in 2 minutes: take off your dress and put on another one!
Emotional immaturity is the inability to respond correctly to life's problems and situations!
How does emotional immaturity manifest itself in adults in relationships?
No responsibility!
Sometimes it is better to blame someone for your mistakes than to honestly admit: Yes, I was wrong! We complain about the weather, blame the full moon, people who were with us at the wrong time and in the wrong place, etc. Surely everyone complained: I’m not in the mood because they ruined it for me! Here's just a counter question: Is every person really capable of influencing our mood and just ruining our day?
No, someone just needs to take responsibility for our terrible attitude, not us, not us! Oh, you can also say that the bed is to blame, it is because of it that we constantly get up on the wrong foot!
Emotional immaturity in adults is expressed in the inability to be responsible for one’s actions, behavior, mood, etc.
Quarrels, scandals, squabbles...
No, this is not the favorite pastime of emotionally immature adults, they just can’t do it any other way. People sort things out in order to come to a common denominator, find a compromise, the right solution and possible options for never returning to this issue again. If this is an emotionally immature woman, she is ready to argue for the sake of the process itself! It is unlikely that she will admit her guilt, make concessions, or be the first to say: Enough! Tired of arguing, let's find a third solution!
Of course, it is necessary to sort things out so that some kind of understatement does not brew in the couple, but it is necessary to do it correctly. Firstly, be prepared to put an end to the problem, and secondly, not make a scandal, but have a constructive conversation. Let's be honest, shouting is unlikely to help us resolve the conflict.
Like a powder keg
Agree, it’s always fun with unpredictable people, because we don’t know what they’ll be up to now! BUT this is for the time being. If you constantly live with a “powder keg” person, you can start taking calming pills. The mood of such a person is difficult to determine, because it can change every five minutes: now it’s great, after a while it’s depression!
Plans? What is this?
Emotional immaturity in adults manifests itself in the fact that they cannot plan for their future. No, they have plans and dreams, but they are either “exorbitant” or do not reflect the reality of life even by 1%. For example, a man decided on an important act and made an offer. It is logical that the woman expects a certain composure from him, but he continues to live his life: collecting coins, meeting with friends, making plans for the future, but only in words, saying “if I lived in another city, my life would work out.” in another way, if I had a child, I would definitely have grown up, if I had not married so early, I would have become a successful person,” etc.
And this “if only...” haunts the entire life of an emotionally immature adult.