After long calculations and checks of records, Argan finally understood why Lately so his health worsened: as it turned out, this month he took eight types of medicines and made twelve flushing injections, whereas last month there were as many as twelve types of medicines and twenty enemas. He decided to bring this fact to the notice of Doctor Purgon, who used it. So it won't take long to die.
Argan's family had different attitudes towards his obsession own health: the second wife, Belina, indulged the doctors in everything in the belief that their drugs would bring her husband to the grave rather than any disease; the daughter, Angelica, may not have approved of her father’s mania, but, as her daughter’s duty and respect for her parent dictated, she modestly kept quiet; but the maid Toinette completely let herself go - she reviled the doctors and impudently refused to examine the contents of her master's chamber pot for bile released under the influence of drugs.
The same Toinette was the only one to whom Angelique opened up about the feeling that gripped her for the young man Cleanthe. She saw him only once - in the theater, but even during this short meeting the young man managed to charm the girl. Not only was Cleanthes very handsome, but he also protected Angelique, not knowing her at the time, from the rudeness of the disrespectful gentleman.
Imagine Angelica’s amazement when her father started talking to her about marriage - from his first words, she decided that Cleanthes had wooed her. But Argan soon disappointed his daughter: he did not mean Cleanthe, but a much more suitable groom, from his point of view - the nephew of Doctor Purgon and the son of his brother-in-law, Doctor Diafuarus, Tom Diafuarus, who himself was a doctor. In Diafuarus Jr. as a son-in-law, he saw a lot of advantages: firstly, the family will have its own doctor, which will eliminate the cost of doctors; secondly, Toma is the only heir of both his father and uncle Purgon.
Angelique, although she was horrified, did not utter a word out of modesty, but Argan heard everything that should be said from Toinette. But the maid only shook the air in vain - Argan firmly stood his ground.
Belina was also unhappy with Angelica’s marriage, but she had her own reasons: she did not want to share Argan’s inheritance with her stepdaughter and therefore tried with all her might to send her to a monastery. So Angelica completely entrusted her fate to Toinette, who readily agreed to help the girl. The first thing she had to do was notify Cleanthe that Angelique was being wooed for someone else. She chose as her envoy the old moneylender Polichinelle, who had long been hopelessly in love with her.
The procession of Polichinelle, drunk with love, along the street, which led to a funny incident with the police, formed the content of the first interlude with songs and dances.
Cleant did not keep himself waiting and soon appeared at Argan's house, but not as a young man in love wanting to ask for Angelique's hand, but in the role of a temporary singing teacher - Angelique's real teacher, Cleante's friend, as if he was forced to urgently leave for the village. Argan agreed to the replacement, but insisted that classes take place only in his presence.
However, before the lesson began, Argan was informed about the arrival of Diafuarus the father and Diafuarus the son. The future son-in-law produced great impression at the owner of the house with a learned welcoming speech. Then, however, he mistook Angelique for Argan’s wife and spoke to her as a future mother-in-law, but when the misunderstanding was cleared up, Thomas Diafoirus proposed to her in terms that delighted the grateful listeners - there was a statue of Memnon with its harmonic sounds, and heliotropes, and an altar of delights... As a gift to the bride, Thomas presented his treatise against the followers of the harmful theory of blood circulation, and as the first joint entertainment he invited Angelica to attend the autopsy of a female corpse the other day.
Completely satisfied with the merits of the groom, Argan wished that his daughter would show herself. The presence of a singing teacher could not have come at a better time here, and the father ordered Angelica to sing something for the entertainment of the company. Cleant handed her the sheet music and said that he just had a sketch of a new opera - so, a trifling improvisation. Addressing as if to everyone, but in fact only to his beloved, he retold in a bucolic vein - replacing himself with a shepherdess, and her with a shepherdess and placing both in the appropriate surroundings a short history their love with Angelica, which allegedly served as the plot of the essay. This story ended with the appearance of the shepherdess in the shepherdess's house, where he found an unworthy rival, whom her father favored; it was now or never, despite the presence of the father, the lovers had to explain themselves. Cleante and Angelica began to sing and, in touching improvised verses, confessed their love to each other and swore fidelity to the grave.
The lovers sang a duet until Argan felt that something indecent was happening, although he did not understand what exactly. Having told them to stop, he immediately got down to business - he invited Angelique to shake hands with Thomas Diafuarus and call him her husband, but Angelique, who had not dared to contradict her father before, flatly refused. The venerable Diafoirs left with nothing, having tried and bad game keep a good professional face.
Argan was already beside himself, and then Belina found Cleanthe in Angelique’s room, who took flight at the sight of her. So when his brother Berald came to him and started talking about what he had in mind good groom for his daughter, Argan didn’t want to hear about anything like that. But Berald had in store for his brother a cure for excessive gloom - a performance by a troupe of gypsies, which should have worked no worse than Purgon's enemas.
The dances of the gypsies and their songs about love, youth, spring and the joy of life formed the second interlude, entertaining the audience during the break between the acts.
In a conversation with Argan, Berald tried to appeal to his brother’s reason, but to no avail: he was firm in the belief that only a doctor should become his son-in-law, and no one else, and who Angelique wants to marry is the tenth matter. But is it really possible, Berald wondered, that Argan, with his iron health, is going to spend his whole life bothering with doctors and pharmacists? In Berald’s opinion, there could be no doubt about Argan’s excellent health, if only because the whole sea of drugs he was taking had not yet killed him.
The conversation gradually turned to the topic of medicine as such, and its very right to exist. Berald argued that all doctors - although most of them are people well educated in the humanities, fluent in Latin and Greek - are either charlatans, cleverly emptying the wallets of gullible patients, or artisans who naively believe in the spells of charlatans, but also benefit from it. The structure of the human body is so subtle, complex and full of secrets, sacredly protected by nature, that it is impossible to penetrate into it. Only nature itself is capable of defeating the disease, provided, of course, that doctors do not interfere with it.
No matter how Berald fought, his brother stood his ground to the death. The last known way for Berald to overcome his blind faith in doctors was to somehow take Argan to one of Molière’s comedies, in which representatives of medical pseudoscience get so much trouble. But Argan did not want to hear about Moliere and predicted a terrible death for him, abandoned by doctors to the mercy of fate.
This highly scientific debate was interrupted by the appearance of the pharmacist Fleurant with an enema, personally and lovingly prepared by Doctor Purgon according to all the rules of science. Despite Argan's protests, the pharmacist was driven away by Berald. leaving, he promised to complain to Purgon himself and kept his promise - a little time after his departure, Doctor Purgon, offended to the depths of his soul, burst into Argan. He had seen a lot in this life, but for his enema to be so cynically rejected... Purgon announced that from now on he did not want to have any dealings with Argan, who, without his care, would undoubtedly in a few days become completely incurable, and in a few more days he would give up ends from bradypepsia, apepsia, dyspepsia, lienteria, etc.
However, as soon as one doctor said goodbye to Argan forever, another appeared at his doorstep, although he looked suspiciously like the maid Toinette. He immediately introduced himself as an unsurpassed traveling doctor, who is not at all interested in trivial cases - give him a good drop of water, pleurisy with pneumonia, or, at worst, the plague. Such a famous patient as Argan simply could not help but attract his attention. New doctor instantly recognized Purgon as a charlatan, made instructions directly opposite to Purgonov’s, and with that left.
On this medical theme was exhausted, and the conversation between the brothers about Angelica’s marriage resumed. For a doctor or a monastery, there is no third option, Argan insisted. The idea of placing his daughter in a monastery, quite obviously with evil intent, was imposed on Belin’s husband, but Argan refused to believe that she, the person closest to him, might have any evil intent. Then Toinette suggested arranging a small prank, which was supposed to reveal true face Belins. Argan agreed and pretended to be dead.
Belina was indecently happy about the death of her husband - now she could finally manage all his money! Angelique, and after her Cleanthe, seeing Argan dead, were sincerely killed and even wanted to give up the idea of marriage. Having been resurrected - to the horror of Belina and the joy of Angelica and Cleanthe - Argan agreed to his daughter’s marriage... but on the condition that Cleanthe would study to be a doctor.
Berald, however, expressed a more sensible idea: why not Argan himself learn to be a doctor. As for the fact that at his age knowledge is unlikely to get into your head - this is nothing, no knowledge is required. As soon as you put on a doctor's robe and cap, you can easily begin to talk about diseases, and, moreover, in Latin.
By a lucky coincidence, actors familiar to Berald happened to be nearby, and they performed the last interlude - a buffoonish ceremony, flavored with dancing and music, to become a doctor.
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Moliere Jean-Baptiste
Imaginary patient
Jean-Baptiste Moliere
Imaginary patient
Comedy in three acts
Translation by T. L. Shchepkina-Kupernik
CHARACTERS
Argan, the imaginary patient.
Belina, Argan's second wife.
Angelique, daughter of Argan, in love with Cleanthe.
Louison, Argan's little daughter, Angelique's sister.
Berald, brother of Argan.
Cleanthes, a young man in love with Angelica.
Mr. Diafuarus, doctor.
Thomas Diafoirous, his son, in love with Angelique.
Mr. Purgon, the doctor treating Argan.
Mr. Fleurant, pharmacist.
M. de Bonnefoy, notary.
Toinette, maid.
INTERMEDIA CHARACTERS
In the first act
Polichinelle.
Violinists.
Policemen singing and dancing.
In the second act
Gypsies and gypsy women singing and dancing.
In the third act
Upholsterers dancing.
President of the Medical Assembly.
Argan, bachelor.
Pharmacists with mortars and pestles.
Clystyron bearers.
The action takes place in Paris.
Act one
PHENOMENON I
Argan alone.
Argan (sitting at the table, checking his pharmacist's accounts using tokens). Three and two are five, and five are ten, and ten are twenty; three and two are five. “In addition, on the twenty-fourth - a light enema, preparatory and emollient, to soften, moisturize and refresh the womb of your grace...” What I like about my pharmacist, Monsieur Fleurant, is that his accounts are always drawn up with unusual courtesy: “ ...the womb of your grace - thirty sous." Yes, Monsieur Fleurant, but it is not enough to be polite, you must also be prudent and not skin the sick. Thirty sous for washing! My humble servant, I have already talked to you about this, in other accounts you put only twenty sous, and twenty sous in the language of pharmacists means ten sous; here's ten sous for you. “In addition, on the said day, a good cleansing enema of the most healing remedy, rhubarb, rose honey and other things, according to the recipe, to relieve, rinse and cleanse your honor’s intestines - thirty sous.” With your permission, ten, sous. “In addition, in the evening of the said day, a sedative and hypnotic cool drink from an infusion of liver herbs to make your honor fall asleep - thirty-five sous.” Well, I'm not complaining about that, I slept well thanks to this drink. Ten, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen sous and six deniers. “Moreover, on the twenty-fifth, your worship took an excellent medicine, laxative and strengthening, composed of cassia, Alexandria leaf and other things, according to the prescription of Mr. Purgen, for clearing and expelling bile - four livres.” Are you kidding me, Mr. Fleurant? Treat patients like people. Mr. Purgon did not order you to put four francs on the bill. Give me three livres, do me a favor! Twenty and thirty sous. “In addition, on the said day, a pain-relieving astringent drink to calm your honor - thirty sous.” So, ten and fifteen sous. “In addition, on the twenty-sixth, a carminative enema to remove the winds of your grace - thirty sous.” Ten sous, Monsieur Fleurant! "In the evening, repeat the above-mentioned clyster - thirty sous." Ten sous, Monsieur Fleurant! “Moreover, on the twenty-seventh, an excellent diuretic to drive out the bad juices of your ladyship - three livres.” So, twenty and thirty sous; I'm very glad that you have become reasonable. “In addition, on the twenty-eighth, a portion of purified and sweetened whey to soothe and refresh your ladyship’s blood, twenty sous.” So, ten sous! “In addition, a protective and heart-strengthening drink, composed of twelve bezoar grains, lemon and pomegranate syrup and other things, according to the prescription - five livres.” Easier, easier, please, Monsieur Fleurant: if you act like this, no one will want to get sick, four francs will be enough for you; twenty and forty sous. Three and two are five, and five are ten, and ten are twenty. Sixty-three livres four sous six deniers. So this month I took one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight medications and did one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve washes . And last month there were twelve medications and twenty washouts. No wonder I feel worse than last month. We must tell Mr. Purgen: let him take action. Hey, take it all away! (Seeing that no one comes and that there are no servants in the room.) No one! No matter how much you say, they always leave me alone; no force can keep them here. (Rings the bell.) Nobody hears, the bell is no good! (Rings again.) No use! (Rings again.) You've gone deaf... Toinette! (Rings again.) It’s as if I hadn’t called. Daughter of a bitch! Scoundrel! (Rings again.) You can go crazy! (Stops ringing and shouts.) Ding-ding-ding! Damn doll! Is it possible to leave a poor patient alone? Ding ding ding! What a misfortune! Ding-ding-ding! My God! After all, it won’t take long to die like this. Ding-ding-ding.
SCENE II
Argan, Toinette.
Toinette (entering). I'm coming!
Argan. You son of a bitch! Oh you bitch!
Toinette (pretends to have hit her head). Come on, how impatient you are! You are rushing people so hard that I hit my head on the corner with all my might.
Argan (furious). Ah, the villainess!..
Toinette (interrupts Argand). Oh oh oh!
Argan. Already...
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan. A whole hour...
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan. I can't call you...
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan. Shut up, you bastard, don’t stop me from scolding you!
Toinette. Here's another thing, only this was missing - because I hurt myself so much!
Argan. I tore my throat out because of you, bitch!
Toinette. And because of you, I broke my head: one thing is worth the other. As you wish, we're even.
Argan. What, scoundrel?
Toinette. If you swear, I will cry.
Argan. Leave me alone, villainess!..
Toinette (interrupts Argand again). Oh oh oh!
Argan. Do you want, son of a bitch...
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan. So I can't even give myself the pleasure of swearing properly?
Toinette. Swear to your heart's content, do yourself a favor.
Argan. But you don’t let me, you little bastard, you interrupt me every minute.
Toinette. If you enjoy swearing, then don’t deprive me of the pleasure of crying: who cares? Oh oh oh!
Argan. Apparently nothing can be done about you. Take it all away, you bastard, take it all away! (Vstget.) How did my wash today work?
Toinette. Your rinse?
Argan. Yes. Is there a lot of bile coming out?
Toinette. Well, these matters don’t concern me! Let Monsieur Fleurant stick his nose into them - he will profit from it.
Argan. Make sure the decoction is ready, otherwise I’ll have to do the wash again soon.
Toinette. These Mr. Fleurant and Mr. Purgon are simply mocking you. You are a good cash cow for them.
mova. I would like to ask them what kind of disease you have for which they give you so many medications.
Argan. Shut up, ignoramus! It's not your place to interfere with medical prescriptions. Call my daughter Angelica, I need to tell her something.
Toinette. Here she comes on her own. As if she guessed your wish.
SCENE III
Argan, Angelique, Toinette.
Argan. Come to me, Angelica. You came by the way - I wanted to talk to you.
Angelica. I'm listening to you.
Argan. Wait a minute. (To Toinette.) Give me the stick. I'll be right there.
Toinette. Hurry, hurry, sir! Mister Fleurant makes you work!
PHENOMENA IV
Angelique, Toinette.
Angelica. Toinette!
Toinette. What?
Angelica. Look at me.
Toinette. I'm watching.
Angelica. Toinette!
Toinette. Well, what about "Toinette"?
Angelica. Can't you guess what I want to talk to you about?
Toinette. I suspect: probably about our young lover. For six days now, you and I have been talking only about him. You simply feel uneasy when the conversation moves on to another subject.
Angelica. Since you know this, why don’t you speak up first? And why don’t you spare me the trouble of bringing you to this conversation?
Toinette. Yes, I can’t keep up: you show such zeal that it’s impossible to keep up with you.
Angelica. I confess that I will never get tired of talking to you about him, my heart takes advantage of every moment to open up to you. But tell me, Toinette, do you condemn my inclination towards him?
Toinette. Not at all.
Angelica. Am I doing wrong by giving in to these sweet feelings?
Toinette. I'm not saying that.
Angelica. Would you really want me to remain insensitive to the tender outpourings of his ardent passion?
Toinette. God save me!
Angelica. Tell me, please, don’t you agree with me that in our random and unexpected meeting there was some kind of instruction from above, there was something fatal?
Toinette. Agree.
Angelica. Don’t you think that standing up for me, without knowing me at all, is the act of a truly noble person?
Toinette. Seems.
Angelica. What could not have been done more generously?
Toinette. Right.
Angelica. And why did all this turn out so wonderfully for him?
Toinette. Oh yeah!
Angelica. Don't you think, Toinette, that he is well built?
Toinette. Without a doubt.
Angelica. That he is unusually handsome?
Toinette. Certainly.
Angelica. That in all his words, in all his actions there is something noble?
Toinette. Absolutely right.
Angelica. That when he speaks to me, all his speech breathes passion?
Tu Anetta. The real truth.
Angelica. And that there is nothing more intolerable than the supervision under which I am kept and which prevents all the tender manifestations of mutual inclination, inspired in us by heaven itself?
Toinette. You're right.
Angelica. But, dear Toinette, do you think he really loves me as he says?
Toinette. Hm! Hm! This still needs to be checked. In love, pretense is very similar to the truth, I have seen excellent actors.
Angelica. Oh, what are you talking about, Toinette! Is it really possible that he -V and suddenly tells a lie?
Toinette. In any case, you will soon find out: after all, he wrote to you yesterday that he is going to ask for your hand - well, this is the shortest way to find out whether he is telling you the truth or not. This will be the best proof.
Angelica. Ah, Toinette, if he deceives me, I will no longer trust any man!
Toinette. Here is your father.
PHENOMENA V
Argan, Angelique, Toinette.
Argan. Well, my daughter, I will tell you such news that you probably do not expect. They ask for your hand. What does it mean? You're laughing? Yes, it’s true, wedding is a fun word. There's nothing funnier for girls. Oh, nature, nature! I see, my daughter, that in essence there is no need for me to ask you whether you want to get married.
Angelica. I, father, must obey in everything that you want to order me.
Argan. It's nice to have such an obedient daughter. So, the issue is resolved: I gave my consent.
Angelica. I must, father, unquestioningly fulfill all your desires.
Argan. My wife, your stepmother, wanted me to send you and your sister Louison to a monastery, she constantly told me about this.
Toinette (aside). The darling has her own reasons for this.
Argan. She never wanted to agree to this marriage, but I insisted and gave my word.
Angelica. Oh, father, how grateful I am to you for your kindness!
Toinette (to Argan). Honestly, I really approve of you for this: you have never done anything smarter than this in your entire life.
Argan. I haven’t seen your fiancé yet, but they told me that I will be happy and so will you.
Angelica. Of course, father.
Argan. How? Have you seen him?
Angelica. Your consent allows me to open up to you, I won’t pretend: six days ago we met by chance, and the proposal that was made to you is a consequence of the mutual attraction that arose between us at first sight.
Argan. They didn’t tell me anything about this, but I’m very glad - so much the better if this is the case. They say that he is a handsome young man, well built.
Angelica. Yes, father.
Argan. Good growth.
Angelica. Without a doubt.
Argan. Pleasant looking.
Angelica. Of course.
Argan. He has a nice face.
Angelica. Very nice.
Argan. He is a well-mannered man of noble birth.
Angelica. Quite.
Argan. Very decent.
Angelica. You won't find anything else like it in the whole world.
Argan. Speaks fluently in Greek and Latin.
Angelica. This is what I don't know.
Argan, And in a few days he will receive his doctorate.
Angelica. He, father?
Argan. Yes. Didn't he tell you?
Angelica. Right, no. Who told you?
Argan. Mr. Purgon.
Angelica. Does Mr. Purgon know him?
Argan. Here's more news! How can he not know him, since the young man is his nephew?
Angelica. Is Cleanthe the nephew of Mr. Purgon?
Argan. Which Cleant? We're talking about who is being matched to you.
Angelica. Well, yes!
Argan. So, this is Mr. Purgon’s nephew, the son of his brother-in-law Doctor Diafuarus, and his name is Thomas Diafuarus, and not Cleanthes at all. We decided about this marriage this morning: Monsieur Purgon, Monsieur Fleurant and I, and tomorrow my father will bring my future son-in-law to me. What's happened? You seem surprised?
Angelica. Yes, father. I thought you were talking about one person, but it turns out it’s a completely different person.
Toinette. How, sir! Could such an absurdity really occur to you? With your wealth, would you really give your daughter to some doctor?
Argan. I'll give it back. Why are you interfering in something that’s not your own business, you shameless scoundrel?
Toinette. Quiet, quiet! First of all, you start swearing. Is it really impossible to talk calmly? Let's discuss everything calmly. Tell me please, why are you leaning towards this marriage?
Argan. Because I, feeling sick and weak, want my son-in-law and his relatives to be doctors, so that they help me, so that the sources of the medicines that I need, the consultations and prescriptions I need, are in the bosom of my family.
Toinette. That's the reason! And how nice it is when people exchange opinions so calmly! But, sir, hand on heart, are you really sick?
Argan. What a scoundrel! Are you still asking if I’m sick, shameless one?
Toinette. Well, okay, sir, you are sick, let’s not argue about it. Yes, you are sick, I agree, and even more seriously than you think: it’s true. But your daughter should marry not for you, but for herself, and she’s not sick, so why does she need a doctor?
Argan. I need a doctor, and every good daughter should be happy that she marries a man who can be useful to her father.
Toinette. In honor, sir, would you like me to give you some friendly advice?
Argan. What kind of advice?
Toinette. Forget about this marriage.
Argan. Why?
Toinette. Because your daughter will never agree to it.
Argan. Will you never agree?
Toinette. Yes.
Argan. My daughter?
Toinette. Your daughter. She will tell you that she doesn't care about Mr. Diafoirus, or his son Tom Diafoirus, or all the Diafoirus in the world.
Argan. But I care about them, not to mention the fact that this marriage is very profitable. Mr. Diafoirous has only one son - his only heir. In addition, Mr. Purgon, who has neither a wife nor children, gives him all his fortune on the occasion of this marriage, and Mr. Purgon has an income of a good eight thousand livres.
Toinette. It's true that he killed a lot of people if he got so rich.
Argan. Eight thousand livres of income is already something, not counting his father's fortune.
Toinette. Sir, all this is fine, but let’s return to our conversation. Between us, I advise you to find another husband for your daughter: she is not a match for Mr. Diafuarus.
Argan. And I want her to marry him!
Toinette. Aw, stop saying things like that!
Argan. How? So that I stop talking?
Toinette. Well, yes!
Argan. Why can't I say this?
Toinette. They will say that you don't mean what you say.
Argan. Let them say what they want, and I will say that I want her to do as I promised.
Toinette. And I'm sure she won't do this.
Argan. I'll force her.
Toinette. And I'm telling you that she won't do it.
Argan. She will do it, otherwise I will give her to a monastery.
Toinette. Will you give it back?
Toinette. OK!
Argan. What is ok?
Toinette. You will not send her to a monastery.
Argan. I won't give her to a monastery?
Toinette. No.
Argan. No?
Toinette. No.
Argan. This is funny! I won't send my daughter to a monastery if I want?
Toinette. No, I'm telling you.
Argan. Who will stop me?
Toinette. You yourself.
Argan. Me myself?
Toinette. Yes. You don't have the courage.
Argan. Enough.
Toinette. Are you joking.
Argan. I'm not kidding at all.
Toinette. Fatherly love will begin to speak within you.
Argan. And he won’t think to speak.
Toinette. One or two tears, a gentle hug, “daddy, dear daddy,” said in a gentle voice - this will be enough to touch you.
Argan. It won't work on me.
Toinette. It will work!
Argan. I'm telling you that I won't give up on mine.
Toinette. Nonsense!
Argan. Don’t you dare say “nonsense”!
Toinette. After all, I know you: you are a kind person by nature.
Argan (in hearts). I am not kind at all and I can be very evil if I want.
Toinette. Quiet, sir! Don't forget that you are sick.
Argan. I order her to marry the one I appointed for her.
Toinette. And I order her not to marry him.
Argan. What is this? The worthless servant dares to talk to her master like that!
Toinette. When the master does not think about what he is doing, a sensible maid has the right to reason with him.
Argan (runs after Toinette). Ah, impudent! I'll kill you!
Toinette (runs away from Argan and puts a chair between him and herself). My duty is to prevent anything that could dishonor you.
Argan (with a stick in his hand, he runs after Toinette around the table). Wait, wait, I’ll teach you how to talk to me!
Toinette (runs away from him). My duty is to stop you from doing anything stupid.
Argan (runs after her). Dog!
Toinette (fleeing from him). No, I will never agree to this marriage!
Argan (runs after her). Slacker!
Toinette (fleeing from him). I don't want her to marry your Tom Diafuarus.
Argan (runs after her). Scoundrel!
Toinette (fleeing from him). And she will listen to me sooner than you.
Argan (stops). Angelica, can’t you stop this rant?
Angelica. Oh, father, make sure you don’t get sick!
Argan (Angelica). If you don't stop her, I'll curse you!
Toinette (leaving). And I will disinherit her if she listens to you.
Argan (throwing himself onto a chair). Oh! Oh! I can not do it anymore! I'll die now!
SCENE VI
Belina, Argan.
Argan. Oh, my wife, come to me!
Belina. What's the matter with you, my poor husband?
Argan. Come here, help me.
Belina. What's wrong with you, darling?
Argan. My angel!
Belina. My friend!
Argan. I'm so angry now!
Belina. Oh, poor hubby! How did this happen, my friend?
Argan. Your wicked Toinette has become so impudent!
Belina. Don't worry!
Argan. She pissed me off, angel.
Belina. Calm down, my beloved.
Argan. She half an hour spoke to me in defiance.
Belina. Calm down, calm down!
Argan. She had the audacity to tell me that I was completely healthy!
Belina. What audacity!
Argan. After all, you know, my darling, how things stand.
Belina. Yes, my precious one, she is wrong.
Argan. My joy, this bastard will bring me to the grave!
Belina. Oh well! Oh well!
Argan. It's because of her that my bile flows.
Belina. Don't be so angry.
Argan. I have been asking you to drive her away for a long time!
Belina. However, my dear, all servants and maids have their faults. Often you have to endure their bad properties for the sake of their good ones. Toinette is clever, helpful, prompt, and most importantly, she is devoted to us, and you know how careful you must be now with the people you hire. Hey Toinette!
SCENE VII
Argan, Belina, Toinette.
Toinette. What do you want, madam?
Belina. Why are you making my husband angry?
Argan. Ah, the villainess!
Toinette. He said that he wanted to give his daughter to the son of Mr. Diafuarus. I replied that this was a wonderful match for her, but that, in my opinion, it would be better to send her to a monastery.
Belina. There's nothing wrong with that, I think she's absolutely right.
Argan. Oh, darling, do you believe her? This is such a scoundrel: she said a lot of insolence to me!
Belina. I willingly believe you, my friend. Calm down. Listen, Toinette, if you irritate my husband, I will throw you out. Give me Mr. Argan's fur cloak and pillows and I'll make him sit more comfortably in the chair. You don't look after yourself. Pull the cap well over your ears: it is easiest to catch a cold when your ears are open.
Argan. Oh, my dear, I am so grateful to you for all your concerns!
Belina (covering Argan with pillows). Get up, I'll give you a pillow. We will place this one so that you can lean on one side, and this one on the other. This one is under the back, and this one is under the head.
Toinette (covers his face with a pillow). And let this one protect you from dampness! (Runs away.)
Argan (jumps up in anger and throws the pillow after Toinette). Oh, scoundrel, you want to strangle me!
SCENE VIII
Argan, Belina
Belina. Oh well! What's happened?
Argan (falls into a chair). Oh oh oh! I can't do it anymore!
Belina. Why be so angry? She wanted to help.
Argan. Darling, you can’t imagine the meanness of this bum! She completely drove me crazy. Now, to calm me down, I will need at least ten medicines and twenty washouts.
Belina. Well, well, my friend, calm down!
Argan. My dear, you are my only consolation!
Belina. My poor boy!
Argan. My darling, in order to reward you for your love for me, I want, as I already told you, to make a will.
Belina. Ah, my friend, let's not talk about it! Just thinking about it makes me feel hard. Just the word “will” makes me shudder painfully.
Argan. I asked you to invite a notary.
Belina. I invited him, he is waiting.
Argan. Call him, darling.
Belina. Ah, my friend, when you love your husband so much, it’s unbearable to think about such things!
SCENE IX
M. de Bonnefoy, Belina, Argan.
Argan. Come closer, Monsieur de Bonnefoy, come closer. Please sit down. My wife told me that you are a very respectable person and completely devoted to her. So I instructed her to talk to you regarding the will that I want to draw up.
Belina. I am not in a position to talk about such things!
Mister de Bonnefoy. Your wife has told me, sir, what you intend to do for her. However, I must tell you that you cannot leave anything to your wife in your will.
Argan. But why?
Mister de Bonnefoy. Custom doesn't allow it. If you lived in a country of written laws, this would be possible, but in Paris and in areas where custom is all-powerful, at least in most of them, this cannot be done, and such a will would be considered invalid. The most that a man and a woman connected by marriage can do is a mutual gift during their lifetime, and this is only if both spouses or one of them does not have children at the time of the death of the first one. will die.
Argan. What a ridiculous custom! So that the husband cannot leave anything to his wife, who loves him tenderly and has placed so many worries on him! I would like to consult with my lawyer to see what can be done.
Mister de Bonnefoy. You should not turn to lawyers, since they are usually very strict on this matter and believe that it is a terrible crime to circumvent the law. They love to create all sorts of difficulties and do not understand what bargains with conscience are. It is better to consult with other people who are more flexible, who know ways to quietly circumvent existing regulations and give a legal appearance to what is prohibited, who know how to eliminate all difficulties and invent cunning ways of violating customs. Without this, what would we do? You always need to make things easier, otherwise we wouldn’t be able to work and I would have quit my profession a long time ago.
Argan. My wife told me, sir, that you are a very skillful and respectable person. Please tell me what can I do to transfer my property to her and disinherit my children?
Mister de Bonnefoy. What can you do? You can choose some close friend of your wife and formally leave to him everything you have in your will, and he will then pass it on to her. Or you can issue unambiguous receipts to fake creditors, who in turn will issue her monetary obligations for all these amounts. Finally, during your lifetime, you can give her cash or bank bills payable to bearer. V
Belina. My God, don't worry about it! If anything happens to you, my angel, I still won’t survive you.
Argan. My darling!
Belina. Yes, my friend, if such a misfortune happens that I lose you...
Argan. Oh my dear wife!
Belina. Life will lose all value for me...
Argan. My love!
Belina. And I will follow you so that you will know how dearly I love you.
Argan. My priceless one, you break my heart! I beg you, be comforted!
Mr. de Bonnefoy (Beline). Your tears are untimely: things haven’t come to that yet.
Belina. Ah, sir, you don’t know what it means to have a dearly beloved husband!
Argan. I will only regret one thing when I die, my friend, that I do not have a child from you. Mr. Purgon assured me that he could make sure that we had a child.
Mister de Bonnefoy. It could still happen.
Argan. In a word, darling, I need to draw up a will as Mister Notary advises, but as a precaution I want to give you twenty thousand francs in gold, which are hidden in the secret cabinet of my alcove, and two bills of exchange payable to bearer, which I received from Mister Damon and Mr. Gerant.
Belina. No, no, I don't need anything! Ah!.. How much do you say you have in your locker?
Argan. Twenty thousand francs, my dear.
Belina. Don't talk to me about money, please. Ah!.. And what is the amount of these two bills?
Argan. One, my angel, for four thousand francs, and the other for six.
Belina. All the treasures in the world, my friend, are nothing to me if you are gone.
Mr. de Bonnefoy (Arganou). Would you like to start making your will?
Argan. Yes, sir, but we will be more comfortable in my small office. Take me there, darling, I beg you.
Belina. Let's go, my poor thing!
PHENOMEN X
Angelique, Toinette.
Toinette. The notary is here, I heard them talking about the will. Your stepmother is not asleep, and this, of course, is some kind of conspiracy against your interests, into which she is dragging your father.
Angelica. Let him dispose of his goods as he pleases, as long as he does not dispose of my heart! Do you see, Toinette, what danger I am in? Please don't leave me in this extremity!
Toinette. For me to leave you? Yes, I'd rather die! No matter how hard your stepmother tries to make me her confidante and accomplice, I have no disposition towards her, and I have always been on your side. Just leave me to act, I will do everything to serve you. But in order to truly serve you, I will pretend to be a defector: I will hide my affection for you and pretend that I sympathize with your father and your stepmother in everything.
Angelica. I beg you, try to inform Cleanthes that they are marrying me to someone else.
Toinette. I can entrust this to only one person - the old moneylender Polichinelle, who is in love with me. It will cost me a few tender words - for your sake I will do it willingly. It's too late today, but early tomorrow morning I'll send for him, and he'll be delighted that...
Belina (backstage). Toinette!
Toinette (to Angelique). My name is. Farewell. Rely on me.
FIRST INTERMEDIE
The stage turns into a city.
PHENOMENON I
Polichinelle comes at night to serenade his beloved. First, he is disturbed by the violinists, with whom he is angry, then by the night watch, consisting
of musicians and dancers.
Polichinelle. Oh love, love, love, love! Poor Polichinelle, what a stupid fantasy you have driven into your head! What are you doing, you poor madman? You have abandoned your craft, and your business is going from bad to worse. You don’t eat, you hardly drink, you’ve lost sleep and peace, and all because of whom? Because of a snake, a real snake, because of a devil who leads you by the nose and mocks everything you say to her. But there is no need to speculate here. You want this, love, and I am forced to go crazy like so many others! Of course, this is not very easy for a man of my age, but what can you do? You can't be prudent by order. And old brains are unscrewed just like young ones. Let's see if my tigress will soften from the serenade. Sometimes nothing touches you more than a lover’s serenade in front of his beloved’s locked door. (Takes a lute.) This is what I will accompany myself on. O night! O sweet night! Bring my love complaints to my inexorable bed! (Sings.)
Night and day I adore you;
I will die in my prime.
Hopes and torments
The heart is tormented
In the languor of separation
The hours creep by.
But if, by dreaming
O teasing happiness,
My expectations
They will deceive me
I will die, I will die of melancholy and suffering!
Night and day I adore you;
I dream of hearing “Yes” from you.
If, cruel one, you say no,
I will die in my prime.
Oh, if you're not sleeping,
Think how much it hurts
You hurt my heart
A masterful game!
But prayers are in vain,
I am destined to die!
Your crime
You have to admit
And your regret will soften my torment.
Night and day I adore you;
I dream of hearing “Yes” from you.
If, cruel one, you say no,
I will die in my prime.
SCENE II
Open, an old woman appears in the window and, to laugh at Open,
answers him.
Cunning lovers with deceitful glances,
With persistent prayers,
False speeches
They weave deceit
You will never catch me in a trap!
A man will deceive
In love without shame...
But the gaze is bottomless
I'm not captivated
But lovers sigh
They don't burn me
I will take an oath to that!
Unhappy lover
Shed tears fruitlessly;
Passionate ardor is funny to me,
I'm free at heart
Believe these words.
I know from experience that loyalty is alien to you:
A man will deceive
In love without shame...
The poor thing is crazy to believe you.
SCENE III
Polichinelle; violinists (behind the stage). Violins can be heard behind the stage.
Polichinelle. What is this impudent music that interrupts my singing?
The violins are playing.
Hey there, violins! Shut up! Don’t stop me from pouring out complaints about the cruelty of my unyielding one!
The violins are playing.
Shut up, they tell you! I want to sing!
The violins are playing.
Enough!
The violins are playing.
What is this?
The violins are playing.
The violins are playing.
You are laughing at me!
The violins are playing.
My ears are ringing!
The violins are playing.
Damn you!
The violins are playing.
I'm furious!
The violins are playing.
Will you shut up or not? Thank God, finally!
In the first prologue
Flora.
Klymene.
Daphne.
Thyrsis- leader of a group of shepherds, in love with Clymene.
Dorilas- the leader of a group of shepherds, in love with Daphne.
Two marshmallows.
Shepherds And shepherdesses.
Six Fauns.
In the second prologue
Shepherdess.
Fauns and Aegipans.
In comedy
Argan- imaginary patient.
Belina- Argan's second wife.
Angelica- daughter of Argan, in love with Cleanthe.
Louison- little daughter of Argan, sister of Angelica.
Berald- brother of Argan.
Cleant- a young man in love with Angelica.
Mr. Diafuarus- doctor.
Thomas Diafuarus- his son, in love with Angelica.
Mr. Purgon- doctor treating Argan.
Mr. Fleurant- pharmacist.
Mr de Bonnefoy– notary.
Toinette- maid.
Lackey.
Sideshow characters
In the first act
Polichinelle.
Old woman.
Policemen, singing and dancing.
In the second act
Gypsies And gypsies, singing and dancing.
In the third act
Upholsterers, dancing.
President of the Medical Assembly.
Argan– Bachelor.
The doctors.
Pharmacists with mortars and pestles.
Clystibearers.
Surgeons.
The action takes place in Paris.
First prologue
After the glorious labors and victorious deeds of our august monarch, justice demands that writers should endeavor either to glorify or entertain him. This is what we tried to do. The present prologue is an attempt to glorify the sovereign, and the comedy that follows the prologue is about Imaginary patient was conceived with the aim of giving the king rest after the noble labors he had endured.
The scene is of a pleasant countryside.
Eclogue with music and dancing
Flora, Klymene, Daphne, Thyrsis, Dorilas, two marshmallows, shepherds And shepherdesses.
Flora
Leave all your flocks!
Shepherds, shepherds, here!
Run all the way to me, into the shadow of a young elm tree,
Find out with joy from my story:
It's time for happiness!
Leave all your flocks!
Shepherdesses, shepherds, here!
Run all the way to me, into the shadow of the young elm tree.
Clymene and Daphne
I have no time for you, shepherd:
Look, Flora is calling us!
Thyrsis and Dorilas
Shepherdess, your refusal is cruel!
Thyrsis
Will you really not answer my love soon?
Dorilas
Is the hour of bliss really far from me?
Klymene
(Daphne)
Look, Flora is calling us!
Thyrsis and Dorilas
Say a word to me.Answer, please answer!
Thyrsis
Can I really suffer forever without a tender gaze?
Dorilas
Can I hope to master you?
Klymene
(Daphne)
Look, Flora is calling us!
First ballet performance
Shepherds and shepherdesses surround Flora.
Klymene
What joyful news
Goddess, will your appearance give us a gift?
Daphne
We're burning with curiosity
Hear this message.
Dorilas
Our spirit is tormented by excitement.
We're about to die of impatience!
Flora
Listen in reverence:
The desired moment has arrived - Louis is with us again,
He brought joy and love back to us.
Let mortal fear no longer disturb you:
With his greatness he conquered the whole world;
Now the weapon will fold:
There are no more enemies.
Oh! What great news
Rushing along, predicting joy!
Joys, games, laughter after her
And a string of clear days.
Heaven couldn't have been kinder to us:
Oh! What great news
Rushing along, predicting joy!
Second ballet performance
Shepherds and shepherdesses express their joy and delight in dancing.
Flora
Take it out of the pipe
A swarm of the sweetest sounds:
Our hero has returned.
There is no higher purpose than singing it.
Having won a hundred victories in battle,
Your loud glory
He grabbed with his powerful hand,
So arrange it among yourselves
The fight is a hundred times more pleasant,
To sing the hero's praises!
So let's arrange it among ourselves
The fight is a hundred times more pleasant,
To sing the hero's praises!
Flora
Gifts from my kingdom
Marshmallows are already knitting into wreaths in the forest.
A reward awaits the singer
Whose voice will tell us better?
About who is taller and brighter
All the greatest kings.
Klymene
Oh, be yours, Tirsi?s, reward...
Daphne
Oh, win, Dorila?s...
Klymene
I would be glad to love you.
Daphne
I would give myself to you forever.
Thyrsis
O dear joy of hope!
Dorilas
O sweet speech to the heart!
Thyrsis and Dorilas
Where is the most beautiful thing? Where is the better reward?
To spark inspiration?
The violins play a tune that inspires both shepherds to compete. Flora takes the judge's place at the foot of the tree, two marshmallows stand on either side. The rest stand on both sides of the stage as spectators.
Thyrsis
When the snow, having escaped, joins the power of the rapids,
The pressure of the menacing raging abyss
Nothing can hold:
Everything - people, and herds, and giant oaks,
Palaces, villages, cities, dams -
Flooded with a menacing stream.
So - but faster and more majestic -
Louis is striving his way to glory!
Third ballet performance
Shepherds and shepherdesses from Thyrsis's group dance around him to the ritornello, expressing their approval of him.
Dorilas
When the flash of lightning pierces the terrible darkness,
Igniting a fire in the ominous clouds,
Involuntarily awe arises
And in the most valiant hearts.
But at the head of the regiments he inspires
Louis is more afraid of his enemies!
Fourth ballet performance
The shepherds and shepherdesses from Dorilas' group dance, expressing their approval of him.
Thyrsis
Legends of antiquity that we knew,
Now they have been surpassed by wonderful deeds,
All the glory of the days of yore has been eclipsed.
The demigods do not seduce us:
We forget the ancient myth,
Only Louis admires us.
Fifth ballet performance
The shepherds and shepherdesses from Thyrsis's group express their approval of him.
Dorilas
The opportunity was given to us by the actions of Louis
Believe in everything that legends say
Years long gone.
But something different awaits our grandchildren:
Their heroes won't prove it to them,
That he could accomplish so much alone.
Sixth ballet performance
The shepherds and shepherdesses from Dorilas' group express their approval of him.
After this, both groups of shepherds and shepherdesses unite. Appears Pan accompanied six fauns.
Enough, shepherds, stop this idea.
What do you want to do?
The moan of the shepherd's pipe
I would try in vain to express
What Apollo wouldn't dare
Sing on the sweet-voiced lyre.
You rely too much on your own efforts:
The flame that burns you is not enough.
You are rushing to heaven, but your wings are wax
They will drop you into the abyss of the waters.
To sing of deeds of unparalleled courage,
Fate has not yet created the singer;
There are no words to describe the image of the monarch correctly,
Silence is the best praise
Which his affairs await.
Glorify him in another way, pleasing to him,
Prepare a different celebration for him,
Leave his greatness -
Look for comfort for him.
Flora
But even though you didn't have enough strength
Sing immortal greatness as it should,
Everyone deserves an award.
Yes, there will be a reward for both of you.
Aspiration is the only thing that matters
Seventh ballet performance
Two marshmallows they dance with wreaths in their hands, which they then lay on the shepherds.
Clymene and Daphne
(giving them hands)
Aspiration is the only thing that matters
To what is proud and beautiful.
Thyrsis and Dorilas
For our bold impulse, how much has been given to us!
Flora and Pan
When serving Louis, they do not work in vain.
Both couples of lovers
Finding comfort for him is now our lot.
Flora And Pan
Blessed is the one who managed to devote his entire life to him!
Final general ballet performance
The fauns, shepherds and shepherdesses all dance together and then leave to prepare for the comedy performance.
Second prologue
The scene represents a grove.
Pleasant music. Appears shepherdess and in a gentle voice complains that she cannot find any remedy for the illness that consumes her. Some fauns And aegipans gathered for their usual games, they notice a shepherdess. They overhear her complaints and accompany them with their dances.
Cowgirl's complaint
My melancholy is boundless.
Alas, I do not dare passionate ardor
The longing of a painful love
Open to someone who is unconditional
One would have healed me.
Don't think about giving me strength.
Faith in my salvation would be in vain:
Valuing drugs with questionable effects,
Ignorance is ready to believe them in simplicity,
But they will never cure me,
And all your chatter can deceive
Only the imaginary patient!
All your knowledge is pure chimera,
An unwise and vain race of doctors!
You can’t heal me with all your Latin -
My melancholy is boundless.
All your knowledge is pure chimera.
Everyone leaves. The stage turns into a room.
Act one
First appearance
Argan one.
Argan (sitting at the table, he checks his pharmacist’s bills using tokens) . Three and two are five, and five are ten, and ten are twenty; three and two are five. “In addition, on the twenty-fourth - a light enema, preparatory and softening, to soften, moisturize and refresh the womb of your grace...” What I like about my pharmacist, Monsieur Fleurant, is that his accounts are always drawn up with unusual courtesy: “... the womb your honor - thirty sous." Yes, Monsieur Fleurant, but it is not enough to be polite, you must also be prudent and not skin the sick. Thirty sous for washing! My humble servant, I have already talked to you about this, in other accounts you put only twenty sous, and twenty sous in the language of pharmacists means ten sous; here's ten sous for you. “In addition, on the said day, a good cleansing enema of the most healing remedy - rhubarb, rose honey and other things, according to the recipe, to relieve, rinse and cleanse your honor's intestines - thirty sous.” With your permission, ten sous. “In addition, in the evening of the said day, a sedative and hypnotic cold drink from an infusion of liver herbs to make your honor fall asleep - thirty-five sous.” Well, I'm not complaining about that, I slept well thanks to this drink. Ten, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen sous and six deniers. “Moreover, on the twenty-fifth, your Lordship’s intake of an excellent medicine, laxative and strengthening, composed of cassia, Alexandria leaf and other things, according to the prescription of M. Purgon, for the purification and expulsion of bile - four livres.” Are you kidding me, Mr. Fleurant? Treat patients like people. Mr. Purgon did not order you to put four francs on the bill. Give me three livres, do me a favor! Twenty and thirty sous. “In addition, on the said day, a pain-relieving astringent drink to calm your honor - thirty sous.” So, ten and fifteen sous. “In addition, on the twenty-sixth, a carminative enema to remove the winds of your grace, thirty sous.” Ten sous, Monsieur Fleurant! “In the evening, repeating the above-mentioned clyster – thirty sous.” Ten sous, Monsieur Fleurant! “Moreover, on the twenty-seventh, an excellent diuretic to drive out the bad juices of your ladyship - three livres.” So, twenty and thirty sous; I'm very glad that you have become reasonable. “In addition, on the twenty-eighth, a portion of purified and sweetened whey to soothe and refresh your ladyship’s blood, twenty sous.” So, ten sous! “In addition, a protective and heart-strengthening drink, composed of twelve bezoar grains, lemon and pomegranate syrup and other things, according to the prescription - five livres.” Easier, easier, please, Monsieur Fleurant; if you act like this, no one will want to get sick, four francs is enough for you; twenty and forty sous. Three and two are five, and five are ten, and ten are twenty. Sixty-three livres four sous six deniers. So this month I took one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight medications and did one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve washes . And last month there were twelve medications and twenty washouts. No wonder I feel worse than last month. We must tell Mr. Purgon: let him take action. Hey, take it all away! (Seeing that no one comes and that there are no servants in the room.) Nobody! No matter how much you say, they always leave me alone; no force can keep them here. (Rings the bell.) Nobody hears, the bell is no good! (Rings again.) No use! (Rings again.) You've gone deaf... Toinette! (Rings again.) It's as if I never called. Daughter of a bitch! Scoundrel! (Rings again.) You can go crazy! (Stops ringing and shouts.) Ding-ding-ding! Damn doll! Is it possible to leave a poor patient alone? Ding-ding-ding! What a misfortune! Ding-ding-ding! My God! After all, it won’t take long to die like this. Ding-ding-ding!
Second phenomenon
Argan, Toinette.
Toinette (entering). I'm coming!
Argan. You son of a bitch! Oh you bitch!
Toinette (pretends to hit her head). Come on, how impatient you are! You are rushing people so hard that I hit my head on the corner with all my might.
Argan (in a fury). Ah, the villainess!..
Toinette (interrupts Argan). Oh oh oh!..
Argan. Already…
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan....for a whole hour...
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan....I can’t call you...
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan. Shut up, you bastard, don’t stop me from scolding you!
Toinette. Here's another thing, only this was missing - because I hurt myself so much!
Argan. I tore my throat out because of you, bitch!
Toinette. And I broke my head because of you, one thing is worth the other. As you wish, we're even.
Argan. What, scoundrel?
Toinette. If you swear, I will cry.
Argan. Leave me alone, villainess!..
Toinette (Argana interrupts again). Oh oh oh!..
Argan. Do you want, son of a bitch...
Toinette. Oh oh oh!..
Argan. So I can't even give myself the pleasure of swearing properly?
Toinette. Swear to your heart's content, do yourself a favor.
Argan. But you don’t let me, you little bastard, you interrupt me every minute.
Toinette. If you enjoy swearing, then don’t deprive me of the pleasure of crying: who cares? Oh oh oh!..
Argan. Apparently nothing can be done about you. Take it all away, you bastard, take it all away! (Rises.) How did my wash today work?
Toinette. Your rinse?
Argan. Yes. Is there a lot of bile coming out?
Toinette. Well, these matters don’t concern me! Let Monsieur Fleurant stick his nose into them - he will profit from it.
Argan. Make sure the decoction is ready, otherwise I’ll have to do the wash again soon.
Toinette. These Mr. Fleurant and Mr. Purgon are simply mocking you. You are a good cash cow for them. I would like to ask them what kind of disease you have for which they give you so many medications.
Argan. Shut up, ignoramus! It's not your place to interfere with medical prescriptions. Call my daughter Angelica, I need to tell her something.
Toinette. Here she is. As if she guessed your wish.
The third phenomenon
The same Angelica.
Argan. Come to me, Angelica. You came by the way - I wanted to talk to you.
Angelica. I'm listening to you.
Argan. Wait a minute! (Touanete.) Give me the stick. I'll be right there.
Toinette. Hurry, hurry, sir! Mister Fleurant makes you work!
Argan leaves.
The fourth phenomenon
Toinette, Angelique.
Angelica. Toinette!
Toinette. What?
Angelica. Look at me.
Toinette. I'm watching.
Angelica. Toinette!
Toinette. Well, what about “Toinette”?
Angelica. Can't you guess what I want to talk to you about?
Toinette. I suspect: probably about our young lover. For six days now, you and I have been talking only about him. You simply feel uneasy when the conversation moves on to another subject.
Angelica. Since you know this, why don’t you speak up first? And why don’t you spare me the trouble of bringing you to this conversation?
Toinette. Yes, I can’t keep up: you show such zeal that it’s impossible to keep up with you.
Angelica. I confess that I will never get tired of talking to you about him, my heart takes advantage of every moment to open up to you. But tell me, Toinette, do you condemn my inclination towards him?
Toinette. Not at all.
Angelica. Am I doing wrong by giving in to these sweet feelings?
Toinette. I'm not saying that.
Angelica. Would you really want me to remain insensitive to the tender outpourings of his ardent passion?
Toinette. God save me!
Angelica. Tell me, please: don’t you agree with me that in our chance and unexpected meeting there was some kind of instruction from above, there was something fatal?
Toinette. Agree.
Angelica. Don’t you think that standing up for me, without knowing me at all, is the act of a truly noble person?
Toinette. Seems.
Angelica. What could not have been done more generously?
Toinette. Right.
Angelica. And why did all this turn out so wonderfully for him?
Toinette. Oh yeah!
Angelica. Don't you think, Toinette, that he is well built?
Toinette. Without a doubt.
Angelica. That he is unusually handsome?
Toinette. Certainly.
Angelica. That in all his words, in all his actions there is something noble?
Toinette. Absolutely right.
Angelica. That when he speaks to me, all his speech breathes passion?
Toinette. The real truth.
Angelica. And that there is nothing more intolerable than the supervision under which I am kept and which prevents all the tender manifestations of mutual inclination, inspired in us by heaven itself?
Toinette. You're right.
Angelica. But, dear Toinette, do you think he really loves me?
Toinette. Hm! Hm! This still needs to be checked. In love, pretense is very similar to the truth, I have seen excellent actors.
Angelica. Oh, what are you talking about, Toinette! Is it really possible that he could suddenly tell a lie?
Toinette. In any case, you will soon find out: after all, he wrote to you yesterday that he is going to ask for your hand - well, this is the shortest way to find out whether he is telling you the truth or not. This will be the best proof.
Angelica. Ah, Toinette, if he deceives me, I will no longer trust any man!
Toinette. Here is your father.
Fifth appearance
The same Argan.
Argan. Well, my daughter, I will tell you such news that you probably do not expect. They ask for your hand... What does this mean? You're laughing? Yes, it’s true, wedding is a fun word. There's nothing funnier for girls. Oh nature, nature! I see, my daughter, that, in essence, there is no need for me to ask you whether you want to get married.
Angelica. I, father, must obey in everything that you want to order me.
Argan. It's nice to have such an obedient daughter. So, the issue is resolved: I gave my consent.
Angelica. I must, father, unquestioningly fulfill all your desires.
Argan. My wife, your stepmother, wanted me to send you and your sister Louison to a monastery, she constantly told me about this.
Toinette (to the side). The darling has her own reasons for this.
Argan. She never wanted to agree to this marriage, but I insisted and gave my word.
Angelica. Oh, father, how grateful I am to you for your kindness.
Toinette (To Argan). Honestly, I really approve of you for this: you have never done anything smarter than this in your entire life.
Argan. I haven't seen your fiancé yet, but they told me that I will be happy, and so will you.
Angelica. Of course, father.
Argan. How! Have you seen him?
Angelica. Your consent allows me to open up to you, I won’t pretend: six days ago we met by chance, and the proposal that was made to you is a consequence of the mutual attraction that arose between us at first sight.
Argan. They didn’t tell me anything about this, but I’m very glad - so much the better if this is the case. They say that he is a handsome young man, well built.
Angelica. Yes, father.
Argan. Good growth.
Angelica. Without a doubt.
Argan. Pleasant looking.
Angelica. Of course.
Argan. He has a nice face.
Angelica. Very nice.
Argan. He is a well-mannered man of noble birth.
Angelica. Quite.
Argan. Very decent.
Angelica. You won't find anything else like it in the whole world.
Argan. Speaks fluently in Greek and Latin.
Angelica. This is what I don't know.
Argan. And in a few days he will receive his doctorate.
Angelica. He, father?
Argan. Yes. Didn't he tell you?
Angelica. Right, no. Who told you?
Argan. Mr. Purgon.
Angelica. Does Mr. Purgon know him?
Argan. Here's more news! How can he not know him, since the young man is his nephew?
Angelica. Is Cleanthe the nephew of Mr. Purgon?
Argan. Which Cleant? We're talking about who is being matched to you.
Angelica. Well, yes!
Argan. So, this is Mr. Purgon's nephew, the son of his brother-in-law Doctor Diafuarus, and his name is Toma? Diafuarus, and not Cleanthes at all. We decided about this marriage this morning: Monsieur Purgon, Monsieur Fleurant and I, and tomorrow my father will bring my future son-in-law to me... What is it? You seem surprised?
Angelica. Yes, father. I thought you were talking about one person, but it turns out it’s a completely different person.
Toinette. How, sir! Could such an absurdity really occur to you? With your wealth, would you really give your daughter to some doctor?
Argan. I'll give it back. Why are you interfering in something that’s not your own business, you shameless scoundrel?
Toinette. Quiet, quiet! First of all, you start swearing. Is it really impossible to talk calmly? Let's discuss everything calmly. Tell me please, why are you leaning towards this marriage?
Argan. Because I, feeling sick and weak, want my son-in-law and his relatives to be doctors, so that they help me, so that the sources of the medicines that I need, the consultations and prescriptions I need are in the bosom of my family.
Toinette. That's the reason! And how nice it is when people exchange opinions so calmly! But, sir, hand on heart, are you really sick?
Argan. What a scoundrel! Are you still asking if I’m sick, shameless one?
Toinette. Well, okay, sir, you are sick, let's not argue about it. Yes, you are sick, I agree, and even more seriously than you think - it’s true. But your daughter should marry not for you, but for herself, and she’s not sick, so why does she need a doctor?
Argan. I need a doctor, and every obedient daughter should be happy that she is marrying a man who can be useful to her father.
Toinette. In honor, sir, would you like me to give you some friendly advice?
Argan. What kind of advice?
Toinette. Forget about this marriage.
Imaginary patient
After long calculations and checks of records, Argan finally understood why his health had recently deteriorated so much: as it turned out, this month he took eight types of medicines and made twelve flushing injections, while last month there were as many as twelve types of medicines and twenty enemas. He decided to bring this fact to the notice of Doctor Purgon, who used it. So it won't take long to die.
Argan's family had different attitudes towards his obsession with his own health: his second wife, Belina, indulged the doctors in everything in the belief that their drugs would bring her hubby to the grave rather than any illness; the daughter, Angelica, may not have approved of her father’s mania, but, as her daughter’s duty and respect for her parent dictated, she modestly kept quiet; but the maid Toinette completely let herself go - she reviled the doctors and impudently refused to examine the contents of her master's chamber pot for bile released under the influence of drugs.
The same Toinette was the only one to whom Angelique opened up about the feeling that gripped her for the young man Cleanthe. She saw him only once - in the theater, but even during this short meeting the young man managed to charm the girl. Not only was Cleanthes very handsome, but he also protected Angelique, not knowing her at the time, from the rudeness of the disrespectful gentleman.
Imagine Angelica’s amazement when her father started talking to her about marriage - from his first words, she decided that Cleanthes had wooed her. But Argan soon disappointed his daughter: he did not mean Cleanthe, but a much more suitable groom, from his point of view - the nephew of Doctor Purgon and the son of his brother-in-law, Doctor Diafuarus, Tom Diafuarus, who himself was a doctor. In Diafuarus Jr. as a son-in-law, he saw a lot of advantages: firstly, the family will have its own doctor, which will eliminate the cost of doctors; secondly, Toma is the only heir of both his father and uncle Purgon.
Angelique, although she was horrified, did not utter a word out of modesty, but Argan heard everything that should be said from Toinette. But the maid only shook the air in vain - Argan firmly stood his ground.
Belina was also unhappy with Angelica’s marriage, but she had her own reasons: she did not want to share Argan’s inheritance with her stepdaughter and therefore tried with all her might to send her to a monastery. So Angelica completely entrusted her fate to Toinette, who readily agreed to help the girl. The first thing she had to do was notify Cleanthe that Angelique was being wooed for someone else. She chose as her envoy the old moneylender Polichinelle, who had long been hopelessly in love with her.
The procession of Polichinelle, drunk with love, along the street, which led to a funny incident with the police, formed the content of the first interlude with songs and dances.
Cleant did not keep himself waiting and soon appeared at Argan's house, but not as a young man in love wanting to ask for Angelique's hand, but in the role of a temporary singing teacher - Angelique's real teacher, Cleante's friend, as if he was forced to urgently leave for the village. Argan agreed to the replacement, but insisted that classes take place only in his presence.
However, before the lesson began, Argan was informed about the arrival of Diafuarus the father and Diafuarus the son. The future son-in-law made a great impression on the owner of the house with a learned welcoming speech. Then, however, he mistook Angelique for Argan’s wife and spoke to her as a future mother-in-law, but when the misunderstanding was cleared up, Thomas Diafoirus proposed to her in terms that delighted the grateful listeners - there was a statue of Memnon with its harmonic sounds, and heliotropes, and an altar of delights... As a gift to the bride, Thomas presented his treatise against the followers of the harmful theory of blood circulation, and as the first joint entertainment he invited Angelica to attend the autopsy of a female corpse the other day.
Completely satisfied with the merits of the groom, Argan wished that his daughter would show herself. The presence of a singing teacher could not have come at a better time here, and the father ordered Angelica to sing something for the entertainment of the company. Cleant handed her the sheet music and said that he just had a sketch of a new opera - so, a trifling improvisation. Addressing as if everyone, but in fact only his beloved, he in a bucolic vein - replacing himself with a shepherdess, and her with a shepherdess and placing both in the appropriate surroundings - retold a brief love story between him and Angelica, which supposedly served as the plot of the essay. This story ended with the appearance of the shepherdess in the shepherdess's house, where he found an unworthy rival, whom her father favored; it was now or never, despite the presence of the father, the lovers had to explain themselves. Cleante and Angelica began to sing and, in touching improvised verses, confessed their love to each other and swore fidelity to the grave.
The lovers sang a duet until Argan felt that something indecent was happening, although he did not understand what exactly. Having told them to stop, he immediately got down to business - he invited Angelique to shake hands with Thomas Diafuarus and call him her husband, but Angelique, who had not dared to contradict her father before, flatly refused. The venerable Diafoirs left with nothing, trying to maintain a good professional face even in the face of a bad game.
Argan was already beside himself, and then Belina found Cleanthe in Angelique’s room, who took flight at the sight of her. So, when his brother Berald came to him and started talking about how he had a good groom in mind for his daughter, Argan did not want to hear about anything like that. But Berald had in store for his brother a cure for excessive gloom - a performance by a troupe of gypsies, which should have worked no worse than Purgon's enemas.
The dances of the gypsies and their songs about love, youth, spring and the joy of life formed the second interlude, entertaining the audience during the break between the acts.
In a conversation with Argan, Berald tried to appeal to his brother’s reason, but to no avail: he was firm in the belief that only a doctor should become his son-in-law, and no one else, and who Angelique wants to marry is the tenth matter. But is it really possible, Berald wondered, that Argan, with his iron health, is going to spend his whole life bothering with doctors and pharmacists? In Berald’s opinion, there could be no doubt about Argan’s excellent health, if only because the whole sea of drugs he was taking had not yet killed him.
The conversation gradually turned to the topic of medicine as such, and its very right to exist. Berald argued that all doctors - although most of them are people well educated in the humanities, fluent in Latin and Greek - are either charlatans, cleverly emptying the wallets of gullible patients, or artisans who naively believe in the spells of charlatans, but also benefit from it. The structure of the human body is so subtle, complex and full of secrets, sacredly protected by nature, that it is impossible to penetrate into it. Only nature itself is capable of defeating the disease, provided, of course, that doctors do not interfere with it.
No matter how Berald fought, his brother stood his ground to the death. The last known way for Berald to overcome his blind faith in doctors was to somehow take Argan to one of Molière’s comedies, in which representatives of medical pseudoscience get so much trouble. But Argan did not want to hear about Moliere and predicted a terrible death for him, abandoned by doctors to the mercy of fate.
This highly scientific debate was interrupted by the appearance of the pharmacist Fleurant with an enema, personally and lovingly prepared by Doctor Purgon according to all the rules of science. Despite Argan's protests, the pharmacist was driven away by Berald. leaving, he promised to complain to Purgon himself and kept his promise - a little time after his departure, Doctor Purgon, offended to the depths of his soul, burst into Argan. He had seen a lot in this life, but for his enema to be so cynically rejected... Purgon announced that from now on he did not want to have any dealings with Argan, who, without his care, would undoubtedly in a few days reach a state of complete incurability, and in a few more - will end from bradypepsia, apepsia, dyspepsia, lienteria, etc.
However, as soon as one doctor said goodbye to Argan forever, another appeared at his doorstep, although he looked suspiciously like the maid Toinette. He immediately introduced himself as an unsurpassed traveling doctor, who is not at all interested in trivial cases - give him a good drop of water, pleurisy with pneumonia, or, at worst, the plague. Such a famous patient as Argan simply could not help but attract his attention. The new doctor instantly recognized Purgon as a charlatan, made orders directly opposite to Purgonov’s, and then left.
At this point the medical topic was exhausted, and the conversation between the brothers about Angelica’s marriage resumed. For a doctor or a monastery, there is no third option, Argan insisted. The idea of placing his daughter in a monastery, quite obviously with evil intent, was imposed on Belin’s husband, but Argan refused to believe that she, the person closest to him, might have any evil intent. Then Tuaneta suggested organizing a small prank, which was supposed to reveal Belina’s true face. Argan agreed and pretended to be dead.
Belina was indecently happy about the death of her husband - now she could finally manage all his money! Angelique, and after her Cleanthe, seeing Argan dead, were sincerely killed and even wanted to give up the idea of marriage. Having been resurrected - to the horror of Belina and the joy of Angelica and Cleanthe - Argan agreed to his daughter's marriage... but on the condition that Cleanthe would study to be a doctor.
Berald, however, expressed a more sensible idea: why not Argan himself learn to be a doctor. As for the fact that at his age knowledge is unlikely to get into your head - this is nothing, no knowledge is required. As soon as you put on a doctor's robe and cap, you can easily begin to talk about diseases, and, moreover, in Latin.
By a lucky coincidence, actors familiar to Berald happened to be nearby, and they performed the last interlude - a buffoonish ceremony, flavored with dancing and music, to become a doctor.
Argan sits at the table and checks the pharmacist's bills. He calls Toinette, the maid. She pretends to hit her head. Argan scolds her and tells her to remove the bills from the table. Argan has a daughter, Angelique, and she is in love with Cleanthe, she thinks that their meeting is fate. Angelica praises him in every possible way. The father tells his daughter that he intends to marry her to the son of Doctor Diafuarus. Argan is inclined towards this marriage because he wants his relatives to be doctors. The father is sure that his daughter should be glad that he is marrying her off to a person who can be useful to him. Angelica is upset. Argan will send her to a monastery if she does not do as he wants.
Belina, Argan's wife, pleases her husband in every possible way. He wants to make a will to reward his wife for her love and care. Argan wants to transfer the property to her, leaving the children with nothing. She calls a notary, who tells Argan how to circumvent the law.
Cleanthes comes under the guise of a friend of the singing teacher and says that he is sending him in his place. The doctor's son comes to meet the bride and her family. Cleanthe gives Angelique the sheet music and they sing about their love. Argan considers the work stupid. Angelica asks her father to wait with the marriage, she does not love Mr. Diafuarus's son. The stepmother notices Cleanthe in Angelique's room and complains to Argan. Louison (Angelique's sister) says that a man came to her sister and said that he loved her. Toinette decided to play a prank on Argan. Berald, Argan's brother, argues with him that Toma is not suitable for his daughter as a husband, that doctors do not know how to treat.
Toinette dresses as a doctor and says that she travels the world and treats the most seriously ill people. She advises to gouge out Argan's eye and cut off his hand. Toinette changes her clothes again. She invites Argan to pretend to be dead in order to prove to Berald how much Argan’s wife loves him. But Belina is glad that he died. She wants to take all his money and papers, but then Argan gets up and she runs away. The daughter arrives, Argan pretends to be dead again. Angelica cries with grief. Argan agrees to marry her to Cleanthes if he becomes a doctor. Berald invites his brother to become a doctor himself: you need to get a robe and a cap, and you will immediately become a scientist. Berald invites actors. They hold a ceremony to initiate Argan as a doctor.
Picture or drawing Imaginary patient
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