So, this year the Eighth of March will take place again, unless, of course, nothing happens. However, even if it happens, it will still happen, even without our male consent. And why? Why on the eighth, why in March, why not in the summer, when all the women are in warmer climes.
Maybe someone doesn’t know, but on the night from seven to eight, all men, except those who are at sea or on a business trip, have blood pressure. But the Ministry of Health is silent, doesn’t warn, probably thinks it’s not dangerous?!
One Persian khan had 700 wives and the same number of concubines. Fine? OK good! Why then did he hang himself on his own minaret on March 8?
By the way, according to statistics, of the men who began congratulating women 70 years ago, the majority now have a pale appearance and loose skin. The rest have nothing, and receive flowers themselves. Sometimes, if relatives bring it.
And that poet who shouted that “it’s impossible to live in the world without women”? Where is he now? There are women, but he isn’t?
The primitives in the Mesozoic were simpler in terms of gifts! Natural furs, tortoiseshell combs, elephant bones - in a wide assortment, wandered right along the streets among the ferns. By the way, have you noticed that the word ferns comes from “dad”? And mammoths...?!! You understand! So these “mamorotniks” trampled these “papants” very mercilessly even then, which is why even now men are going bald!
What if there were no women?
The air would become cleaner - because the perfume industry would cease to exist!
And more gold would go to the gold and foreign exchange reserves of the National Bank. Gold-bearing veins, by the way, are already thinning! And what about gold-bearing women?!!
And yet, if there were no women, it would be a sad picture. If they ate only scrambled eggs, they would go to the registry office only to be born or die, there would be no one to give their salary to, and they would sit idle on public transport.
Well, okay, let it be on the eighth, let it be in March, let it be international, let it be a holiday. But maybe this is not how we should celebrate?
Maybe we shouldn’t congratulate them, but they should congratulate us? Or maybe we should alternate holidays: today is women’s, tomorrow is men’s, the day after tomorrow again women’s - maybe we’ll get used to it. Or maybe it’s quite the opposite - maybe it’s not the idea that’s to blame, but the process itself?
Maybe you can’t just do it right away: bang - and go to the wash, once - and go gas stove, clap - and into the loop, boom - and from the minaret. Maybe it needs to be done gradually. Today for laundry, tomorrow for the stove, the day after tomorrow for diapers. Maybe then there will be no need to storm supermarkets, buy flowers, empty our souls and pockets.
Maybe we can just live in peace, and whole year there will be a holiday, your whole life will be a holiday. And maybe then on March 8th your beloved will come up to you with a bouquet of flowers and say: “Congratulations on your holiday.” Maybe it will be a holiday, a real one, although not an international one.
Vladimir Svistun
Don't bow down like a mountain ash
Even if there is trouble.
Be happy all the time:
On this day, and always.
There are many holidays in the country,
But Women's Day is given to Spring,
After all, only women can
Create a spring holiday with affection.
So be kind, simple,
Always with a smile on your face!
Well, in a word, be like that,
How it should be Spring!
Lots of joy, health,
Always be beautiful
So that a happy smile
Didn't leave my face!
With all my heart, without verbosity,
We wish you happiness and health!
Be gentle and beautiful
And, of course, happy?
What women are like in Rus' today!
They are distinguished by speed and patience:
Any woman you don't ask -
She is strongly in favor of “acceleration”:
Hurry up to eat, drink and rest,
Quickly mend a couple of tights,
Quickly turn your spouse away from alcohol,
Hurry up and buy at least a couple of new clothes...
In spirit they are myrrh-bearers.
And if it were for their power, then there would be no events,
In which blood flowed in tragic days:
In Chechnya, the Baltic states, Tbilisi, Sumgait.
With women like this new Age let's enter:
And we will rebuild, and we will overcome the crisis,
With such women we will not be lost,
With such women we always look younger!
We celebrate women - the vanguard of the country.
Without them, Russia will face pandemonium.
So let us be infinitely faithful to women
And let us express our admiration to them!
We are in unpaid debts to the Woman,
How indebted to the Earth and Water and the Universe.
It is not difficult for us to repay this debt in verse, -
It is more difficult to compensate for it in feelings,
undoubtedly.
Therefore, I stop writing poetry,
I begin to love you with redoubled force!
But who will forgive me for this?
Who will protect me from dull morality?
This will be done by a woman, not a judge,
It’s up to Her to administer judgment, even if it’s quick,
but right.
For Her God is Love, for Her Life is
family,
And there is no need: no titles, no power, no glory.
We are in terrible debt to our Woman.
And She is next to us, alas, not in silks...
And I’ll start a garden there.
I will drink water from the spring.
I'll buy a cow or a goat,
So that there is fresh milk,
I'll take the girl as my wife,
So as not to contradict, do not whine!
Said and done! I took the calculation
And he went to live in the village.
Arrived: there's a lot to choose from
Five women - five ancient old women!
I lived there with them for a week,
I almost hanged myself from boredom:
“Why did I ruin my life?!
Why did you divorce your wife?!"
And realizing that I was wrong,
I was tormented and angry for a short time.
Without saying a word to the old women,
He quickly set out on his way back...
I opened the door and immediately sank.
Like a beaten dog, I stand in the hallway:
In the kitchen... a man in an apron
Ten years younger than me!!!
If a man is going to the farm,
You need to take your “home computer” with you!
My toast: to the woman and to the wife!
You can't leave her alone for a long time!
Then you can quickly lose everything
CONGRATULATION
WITH INTERNATIONAL
WOMEN'S DAY -
TETE
Happy Women's Day to you, wonderful aunt!
Let everything be great for you!
Live in happiness and goodness -
I love you like a mother!
Light, fun and bloom
Take it from spring again,
So that troubles are even a shadow
Not included in your dreams!!!
We wish you to always be happy,
Healthy, sweet and beautiful,
We wish you not to know sorrows,
Shine with a bright smile!
We would like to congratulate you warmly
Happy spring holiday.
And the light of the sun, and your clear gaze
We need it equally.
May good luck accompany you,
In work, in life and in love.
Live, dear ones, without hiding
Your proud smiles!
CONGRATULATION
WITH INTERNATIONAL
WOMEN'S DAY -
MAME
Mother! You are beautiful like spring
You are as fresh as the air at dawn!
March. The world has woken up from sleep again,
The number is on the calendar.
This holiday, mom, is only yours -
You are the most beautiful woman in the world:
The park salutes you with its leaves,
Removing blackened snow.
On Women's Day, dear mother, let
Youth will awaken in the heart again,
Sadness will disappear into the shadows, out of sight,
And our house of love will be blinded by the sun!!!
The song of the stream has not yet been heard,
The lark's trill does not flow,
But the sun is brighter and the drops
Tells us: “Spring is coming!”
Spring is coming. And don't let it be hot
But with her, like a summer shadow, -
International Women's Day,
Coming to us on March 8th!
It is a holiday of affection, beauty,
Love, hopes and dreams.
I congratulate my friends
And I wish you to be more beautiful than spring with all my heart!
With the first drop
With the last snowstorm,
Happy early spring holiday
Congratulations,
We sincerely wish
Joy, happiness,
Health, love!
Flowers and women!
It was
always on sunny earth.
From women everything: love and strength,
warmth and life and light in the darkness.
So may your holiday be glorious,
and on this day, as always,
you are valued, cherished, loved tenderly,
and joy will be young!
There is nothing more pleasant and simpler than Happy Spring
Congratulate your mother-in-law - Mother loving wife.
I cordially congratulate you on the surging spring!
And I sincerely wish to be forever young,
Caring, warm-hearted and loving, of course!
Away, gloomy bad weather! What age are you?!
I wish you only happiness Sunny weather.
On this joyful spring day
I want them to leave forever
All worries and troubles come from you
And I want you to have it forever
Everything that was good in past years!
I wish you to be happy!
Bloom more magnificently than any roses!
The road to happiness is hasty
Pass without grief and without tears!
We wish you happiness, songs, laughter!!!
More joy, more success.
We wish you to live a hundred years,
Without knowing grief, tears and troubles!
Sometimes they can't bear it.
The poet Ovid would be surprised,
Seeing a woman of our day...
Thumbs down to anyone who would offend
A miracle that radiates light...
Dear women! We wish you:
Be happy in April and May,
Today and tomorrow, and for thousands of years!
Nowadays, women hold the light.
Congratulations on March 8,
My dear wife!
And I confess that in the world,
I love you most of all!
You are my light, my joy,
My wild flower
And always, everywhere and everywhere,
I admire you!
I'm so happy that we're together
That we live as one family,
That one day in this life,
We met!
I wish on this holiday,
May all your dreams come true!
So that life is like in a fairy tale,
So that you don't know the problems.
So that your health is strong,
So that friends go to the house,
So that you and I, dear,
It was good to live there!
Organizing a real fun holiday is not such a problem. You just need to prepare well for it and then you will succeed one hundred percent. We need to think about games for the holiday, a competition and other details, for example, come up with funny scenes for March 8, which everyone will like. For women, you can act out many different scenes that are suitable for a corporate event. We have some ideas and we will share them with you. And so, let's watch.
Scene - women's F-MOBILE!
Leading:
- how many different entrepreneurs tried to enter the automobile market! They all wanted to come up with the best car that would conquer everyone at once. But it's not that simple, and all of these entrepreneurs failed. And we have new businessmen who, in honor of March 8th, present their modern new F-MOBILE!!!
The representatives and the girl with them come out. The representatives talk, and the girl demonstrates. A girl should dress vulgarly and beautifully at the same time.
Businessman 1:
- and so, we invite you to look at it from different angles and see all the delights of this F-MOBILE.
Businessman 2:
- we look, we examine, but we don’t touch! Since the F-MOBILE is on the alarm system that comes with the kit.
The F-MOBILE “alarm” goes out - a tall, strong man.
Businessman 1:
- You are probably interested in the characteristics of this model? They will amaze you.
Businessman 2:
- The F-MOBILE starts with one glass of wine! If there is no wine. Then you can add cheaper fuel, for example, beer.
Businessman 1:
- it is important to note that non-alcoholic fuel does not start this model! And if you use jet fuel - vodka - then know that the consequences can be very different. J-MOBILE has not yet been tested with such fuel.
Businessman 2:
- F-MOBILE does not have a permanent color. The top can be painted in absolutely any color. And yet it will still be beautiful.
Businessman 1:
- J-MOBILE is a chameleon. As soon as you change your handbag, your shoes immediately change too!
Businessman 2:
- to the disappointment of men, in the J-MOBILE you have to change the suspension annually, or even twice a year!
Businessman 1:
- rings, earrings and others also change along with the pendant important details, which are visible to everyone.
Businessman 2:
- this model has a very good instinct - she herself knows where discounts and sales are and gets to them in a matter of minutes the right place without a navigator.
Businessman 1:
- J-MOBILE never receives fines. The model looks so beautiful in the pictures of the traffic police cameras that the employees cannot send a fine, but only admire the photo.
Businessman 2:
- technical inspection must be done once a week. These are always different technical inspections: solarium, spa or massage room.
Businessman 1:
- J-MOBILE can only be washed with expensive shampoos and gels. Laundry soap will not work here.
Businessman 2:
- this model equipped not only with rear-view mirrors, but also with mirrors to see yourself in full height.
Businessman 1:
- the car trunk is made according to the principle women's bag– it’s small, but absolutely everything fits there. Only then you will find absolutely nothing there!
Businessman 2:
- this concludes the presentation of the new F-MOBILE model, you can come up and take photos.
The scene is a new sledgehammer.
The next scene is small, but very instructive. It is no secret that on February 23, women give men socks and battles, and men give women various gifts on March 8. This is not fair, and we will show you how women feel if they are given the same thing every time on March 8th. Let's look:
The scene is a monologue of a woman.
Curvy women consider themselves curvy, not fat. In this monologue, such a chubby girl will talk interesting stories about your life, about your husband and everything else. If you want, the chubby can be a man in disguise, perhaps it will be funnier.
Here is the text of the monologue.
March 8 is a holiday of spring, light, flowers and, of course, the beautiful half of humanity! Want to make it memorable? Congratulate lovely ladies not just with traditional tulips and a festive feast, but also with unforgettable impressions? Take advantage of our tips on how to organize an original March 8th holiday for adults. Women will be delighted!
on March 8 for adults - "Hostage-taking"
Surely everyone has long been tired of boring feasts and monotonous competitions. We propose to hold a holiday on March 8th for adults called “Hostage Taking.” We are starting to prepare for the event.
For this scene you will need the following attributes:
- several black stockings (according to the number of “terrorists”);
- and automatic machines;
- handcuffs (can be purchased at a toy store, or at an adult store);
- signs with the call signs of “terrorists” (for example: terrorist No. 1, call sign Palych). When choosing names for terrorists, the main thing is to show maximum originality and a sense of humor.
Party invitation
It is best to invite girls and women to celebrate the event in advance. For example, on the morning of March 8, you can give a bouquet of flowers with an invitation inside or make an original bouquet of paper flowers, and print the invitation on the back of the sheet of paper from which they are made.
The beginning of the holiday
Representatives of the fair sex, together with the male half of humanity, sit down at the festively laid table at the appointed time. For the first 30-40 minutes the event proceeds as usual. Warm words are said - congratulations dedicated to beautiful women, music plays, drinks are poured. After the specified time has passed, several men leave the table under the pretext of smoking and change into terrorist costumes.
Do not move! This is a hostage taking!
A funny scene on March 8th for adults begins with the fact that absolutely unexpectedly, to the accompaniment of alarming music, the lights are turned off and invaders in stockings on their heads burst into the room shouting: “Everyone stay in their places! Do not move! This is a hostage taking!” Several girls are handcuffed to the backs of chairs, radiators or other objects. Next, the “terrorists” put forward their demands about what needs to be done in order for them to release the “hostages.”
Approximate list of requirements, or Adult competitions on March 8
Requirement No. 1. Let's ruff!
The “terrorists” choose the first victim, this must be one of the remaining male representatives (defenders). A large empty glass is brought out, and each of the participants in the event must pour some liquid on the table into it, and the “victim” must drink the resulting cocktail. If the defender completes the task, the “terrorists” release one of the “hostages.”
Requirement No. 2. - the work of the drowning man himself
The “terrorists” propose to hold a competition among the “hostages” themselves. The essence of the competition is to determine which of the girls has better developed ingenuity and resourcefulness. Each of the participants in this competition is given a non-standard situation and asked to find a way out of it. The winner, who is determined by the number of votes, is released by the “terrorists.”
Example situations:
- You have a corporate party, let’s say March 8th, you prepared for it for a very long time, purchased it in advance and when you came to the evening, you saw your colleague wearing exactly the same outfit.
- The groom's parents should come to visit you for the first time. You have been preparing all day, but by the appointed time you realized that you have absolutely nothing to put on the table, since you burned the meat and over-salted the salad.
- Suppose you are sitting at festive table and celebrate March 8, and then people in masks break into your place and take you hostage.
- You have an important interview scheduled for tomorrow, and you decided to get yourself in order before it and dyed your hair. However, either the dye turned out to be expired, or you messed something up with the color, but your hair became
Requirement #3: Black Stone
One of the attackers shouts that he wants to shoot. His accomplices object and try to calm their comrade down. After which he takes the bag and defiantly throws two into it. Then he announces to everyone that he put one black and one white stone in this bag. If the participant he chooses gets a white stone, then one of the “hostages” will be released, and if not, then bad luck will come to everyone. Participants must guess that they need to take one stone out of the bag and, without unclenching their fist (without showing others the color of the chosen stone), throw it away. Then take out the remaining stone, he will therefore, the participant concludes that the stone he discarded was white.
Requirement No. 4. Come on, boys!
The “terrorists” begin to yawn in unison and demand to cheer them up. The defenders of lovely ladies (the male half of the team) are invited to cheerfully and cheerfully perform adult ditties on March 8:
I am for my darling
I made dumplings!
And now, without further ado,
Looking forward to the evening marathon!
We have women at work,
Like chickens in a chicken coop!
It’s hard for all of us on this day,
At least one, and heat it up!!!
Uuuhhhh!
A star fell from the sky
In my friend's pants!
Now he's like a disabled person
Everything is given at half price!
Requirement No. 5. Come on, girls!
The remaining “hostages” are offered to be released by the fair sex by singing adult songs in choir on March 8th.
An example of a song (performed to the music from the cartoon "The Bremen Town Musicians" for the song "There is nothing better in the world"):
On the eighth of March we were tired,
We've been cooking and washing for a whole year!
And today we’ll just relax and eat
And I drink champagne and vodka!
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la,
La-la-la-e e-e e-e!
On this happy note funny scene on March 8 for adults comes to their logical conclusion. All hostages are freed and joyfully continue to celebrate the holiday.
Conclusion
The above funny skit on March 8th for adults can end with the exposure of all the “terrorists”, that is, the girls can be given a list of call signs of the gang members, and they must guess who is who.
We wish you a pleasant stay!
N Are you going to buy your bouquet on March 8th? Keep in mind: Candy tastes better
colors. Sausage is cheaper. And the money doesn't fade.
- A Bram! Who invented March 8th?
- I know? Clara Zetkin!
- What for?
- I know? She probably sold flowers!
AND Women's holidays:
- March 8,
- friend’s birthday (because she is 3 years older),
- the day the scales broke,
- the antenna does not pick up the "Sports" channel.
AND woman March 8th:
- Well, at least one bastard would congratulate him! And whoever congratulated him is such a bastard!
- A Last March 8th, I gave my wife a seven-flowered flower.
- And what?
- We eat what we want and don’t get fat, we’ve gone a year without sick leave.
- Wow. What else?
- I earn a lot of money.
- How many?
- Don't know. The wife manages the finances.
- What else?
- Quit drinking, smoking, swearing.
- Great, huh...
- I like to tinker in the kitchen. Cook there, wash the dishes, tidy
visit...
- Oh!
- And every day at six in the evening an unknown force takes me home.
- And from the billiard room?
- From anywhere. Now I hate football and hockey, fishing and hunting, but I love figure skating, TV series and programs about love. So here it is.
And you say...
- Wait a minute, what about the seventh petal? There were seven of them there?
- Come on, guys, we’re not children, we won’t measure ourselves against this. You don't have a chance anyway.
IN that’s where the bouquets, SMS, show-offs, sweets, congratulations, wishes, quarrels, screams, partings ended... nothing happened
all without a heart attack!!! MEN!!! Happy March 9!!!
- D Honey, what should I give you on March 8th? Choose what you like -
diamond necklace, mink coat, a villa on the French Riviera?..
- Darling, give me only tonight and your love.
- Removed! - the director announced.
AND On the morning of March 8, the wife wakes up her husband and asks:
- Expensive. Do you remember what holiday it is today?
- Of course I remember. Today is February 23, old style.
8
Martha's husband comes home tipsy:
- Expensive! In honor of such a sincere holiday, I will reveal to you my most cherished
stash! Look, look!.. Wait... where is it... where is it...?!
- Why would I give you panties and a tie for February 23rd?!!!
R Russian extreme: Tell the traffic cops who stopped the car on March 8th:
"Hello girls, happy holiday to you!"
AND Ena asks her husband:
- Expensive! What are you going to give me on March 8th?
“Yes, I haven’t decided yet, dear,” the husband answers. - Here are the flowers
already bought.
Wife:
- You know, I like the number 8 so much that if you overnight
If you please me 8 times, I will be very happy!
The husband is thoughtful:
- That's it, take the flowers for now, and we'll move everything else
on April 1...
Wife:
- Well, no, if we postpone it, then to May 9!
- WITH arch! What did your dad give you for March 8th?
- Dad gave me and my mom 200 dollars each! (proudly)
- And how did you dispose of them?
- We put them in the family piggy bank, “for a rainy day”...
- Oh,... how smart you are... Where did dad get... the money?
- In the piggy bank...
M The snake consults with a friend:
- What would you give your wife on March 8th?
- And you, like last year, throw 8 sticks at her during the night!
- No, I can’t handle that much now!
- Well, let's get together with the men!
- D come quickly! The women there are already eating cake without us!
- Close the door to the kitchen, idiot! Well, guys, one more?
M The snake came to the store to buy a gift for March 8th. The saleswoman asks him:
- Do you want it for your wife or more expensive?
8
March, morning. I get up and go to the bathroom. Suddenly a cry:
- Well, the f*ck went back to bed, I’ll bring coffee right now!
8 March we will buy a lot of flowers and a lot of vodka. And let all women be beautiful!
IN New condoms with tulip and mimosa flavors went on sale.
Congratulate your women on March 8 all year round!
7 March th. Due to numerous requests from men, “Simple” shampoo, “Ordinary” lotion, “Who knows what” lipstick and “Any kind” perfume are now on sale...
- A Why is the neighbor so upset? Well, my husband drank on March 8th, so he
and gave her perfume...
“You didn’t understand anything: her husband drank the perfume he gave her on March 8th.”
***
N and how you can’t find a girlfriend before February 23rd is the law of life.
You just can’t fight off your girlfriends before March 8th - Parkinson’s Law.
***
P The holiday of March 8th is rightfully Women's Day!
Men! Let's defend our rights at least for the night!