Five years ago I was a cheerful slob with one low-paying job and a dozen ruinous hobbies. I had a girlfriend, or rather three girls. Of course, there was only one nearby at a time. I’m ashamed to admit, but I chose them as things - according to the weather. One for a cheerful sunny picnic, another for rainy autumn melancholy, the third. The third is when you need to have lunch with someone on a hot working afternoon.
Sunstroke
I could imagine a lot of things. My own luxurious three-level apartment (which I still don’t have). And Mexico, where I will certainly take part in a costume ceremony depicting Aztec ritual sacrifices. I could even admit that I would get tired of the fun catching up on the career ladder, and I would enlist in the French Foreign Legion to chase terrorists across Africa. But I not only didn’t plan what happened, I couldn’t even imagine it. I live with a woman who is ten years older than me. And I’m learning to build relationships with a 10-year difference.
It was a low blow. And higher. Sunstroke right on the head, like in Bunin's story. And even a powerful hydraulic shock - from the inside, into the heart. It's difficult to explain. Imagine that you constantly see some unfamiliar and at the same time painfully familiar person in your muddy morning dreams. And suddenly you meet this very person in reality - real, laughing. It was a miracle in its purest form.
She did not charm me, did not seduce me. I just took it. She loved to repeat this joke: “I don’t need someone else’s, but I’ll take what’s mine, no matter who it is.” So she took me as something uniquely hers. Being around her was interesting, exciting, strange and at the same time calm and cozy. She was very different from all the girls I talked to then - my peers and those even younger... She didn’t lie, didn’t pretend, didn’t play any fictitious roles, she just lived. And she did it beautifully, with some kind of royal dignity and at the same time with bewitching simplicity. This, apparently, is what is called experience. Sooner or later it appears in everyone, even in the most stylish and inappropriate young girls. When they grow up, they, too, will probably become queens... Although I do not rule out that others will remain young fools until old age.
Languid sighs
I have never had better sex than with her with anyone. And it’s not about some kind of acrobatics or the fact that she allowed something that others usually didn’t allow (by the way, she did, yes). Please, don’t let anyone be offended, but sex with girls twenty years old or younger is unbearably boring. Now that I have something to compare it to, I would say that this is not sex at all. Young beauties are pointlessly trying to conform to some crazy template, formed by unknown films and existing only in their heads. Passionately and falsely, they take a languid sigh strictly once every five minutes. They refuse certain poses on principle: it looks, you know, somehow wrong. How should it look? And anyway, who is looking at them at this moment?!
It may be an older woman who understands exactly what she wants! And able to explain this to you without any embarrassment or false modesty. We had only one problem in bed - I couldn’t restrain myself for long. Especially the first two times. Now it has somehow stabilized. We tuned in to each other. And every time happiness bursts out of me, I scream like crazy, not thinking at all that someone will misunderstand me. And at this moment, you know, I don’t care to such an extent that for 10 years!
A girl is 10 years older than a guy: psychology
A couple of times in my life I cared. Once, friends invited me to a muddy charity concert and entertainment party. We came together. Everyone was quietly getting drunk. At first, acquaintances and strangers came up to me and said: “You are such a nice couple.” Then the girls began to wink and grin in an unpleasant way. And then one frame came to us and said something like, “Is it true that older women think about sex all the time?”
He then received it from me specifically for the “elderly aunts.” After which she, while washing my shirt, slightly stained with blood from a broken lip, in the toilet, laughed and said: “Let’s assume that it was you who proposed to me today.” She kissed me on my broken lip - it was painful and sweet.
The second time I cared was when we met her mother. A wild initiative on the girl’s part, of course. But what can you not do for your beloved? At first everything looked decent - cake, flowers, hello-thank you-please. And then her mother pulled her out to talk in the next room. From there it started saying “Are you crazy” and “He’s just a child” - exactly at a volume level so that I could hear, but the neighbors could not hear. And then my girlfriend jumped out - red-faced, in tears. And then it seemed like an electric shock struck me - she was so defenseless, so pitiful that suddenly it immediately became clear: she really was a little girl. And I, although younger than her, am actually older and stronger. I said only one phrase to her mother: “And we will live with me.” At that time, it was a blatant lie: there was no “me” yet. But a year later it appeared, because she is a little girl, and I am a strong man. Yes, and in the most intimate and affectionate moments, you know what she calls me? Daddy. And believe me, I'm proud of it.
Relationships 10 years apart
Well, yes, we have a ten year age difference. Everyone around me has long been accustomed to it. In fact, no one cares, but we feel good together. It turned out that there are a lot of common interests. We sorted out the domestic and economic problems surprisingly quickly. However, she is not friendly with technology. But it looks so cute when she enters into a life-and-death battle with yet another iPhone or netbook... If things get really tough, the real Batman always flies to the rescue and is a handsome man of all trades. I enjoy being Batman. We look like the same age. She does swimming, yoga and some kind of “bioenergetic self-regulation.” I don’t know which of these is more useful, but everything that is supposed to be elastic is elastic.
The funniest thing is to remember what event prompted me to decide, so to speak, to legitimize the relationship. For the first few years, the thought of marriage simply did not occur to me. And the beloved woman did not express any concern about this. On the contrary, she said: “I’m still young, I want to go for a walk, I’m not ready for serious decisions yet.” Just kidding. Or weren't you kidding? But one day a boy whom I know very well, three years younger than me, began to court her. And I was seriously afraid that I would lose her. She probably set it up on purpose so that I would see him handing her some skinny bouquet at the entrance to make me jealous. And I, of course, became jealous... She’s cunning, and, of course, she calculated everything in advance. For this I give her a special thank you.
She categorically refused a lavish wedding - we ran away from everyone on a tour of the Mediterranean. No girl would do that at twenty years old. But what about dresses, dances, ransoms, bridesmaids and other nonsense? And at thirty-something, a wedding without a crazy wedding is reasonable and... to my liking. We've been together for five years. Married for a little over a year.
Our future? Don't know. I only know that it definitely exists. And age... What is age? When she falls asleep on my shoulder, she sometimes catches my shoulder with her lips in her sleep. And as long as she does this, no matter how old we are, she will be younger than me.
Great husbands who were younger than their wives
Salvador Dali was 10 years younger than his wife and muse Gala. The fact that he is 10 years younger did not prevent the eccentric couple from maintaining mutual attraction until the end of their lives. When Gala died, Dali stopped creating and spent the last seven years of his life in sad loneliness.
Sergei Yesenin and Isadora Duncan were separated by 17 years. This strange passionate romance was subsequently overgrown with rumors and legends.
Milena Maric, Einstein's first wife, was five years older than him. When they met, he was 17 and she was 22. Many scientists believe that without her the theory of relativity would not have happened. The genius's second wife was only three years older than him, and she already had two children from a previous marriage.
Honore de Balzac called his first and most important love the writer Laura de Verny, married older woman him for 22 years. She became not only a lover, but also a friend and adviser to the writer, inspiring Balzac in his literary work.
Diane de Poitiers, the favorite of King Henry II of France, was 20 years older than him. Henry loved her reverently all his life, right up to his death at a knight's tournament, and considered Diana his muse and best friend.
Question for a psychologist:
Hello, I don't know where to start. I am 26 years old, I am a successful young man, I work, play sports, have hobbies, interests, in general, everything is in abundance. I met a girl on May 8, 2014, I knew her in absentia, so to speak (mutual friends), at first I had a sexual interest in her. I talked to her about this, that it wasn’t all serious and that nothing that serious would happen between us, she listened to it, got upset, cried. But I just told the truth and gave her a choice: either end it all, or, if she’s happy with it, then let it go as it is. She said that she was happy with it, I felt that she was very much in love with me. She wanted to see me nearby, somehow so quickly within a month and a half she introduced me to her relatives, friends and child. I spent the night with her, then it turned into cohabitation, I, like a decent person, gave everything, bought, pampered, vacationed together, we became very close as a family, I kind of accepted the fact that she was older, that she had a child for 10 years, but After 9-10 months of cohabitation, my head realized that I needed to quit, that I needed a young woman, not married, without children, and I said for the first time that I was leaving. She was very hysterical, she didn’t know what to do, she thought that she couldn’t live without me. I had my own apartment, I packed my things and went to my place. 2 days passed, I couldn’t find a place for myself and I realized that I love her. I went, met her after work, silently hugged her at the entrance of the store and we stood in silence for a long time, shedding tears, I said let's go home and we went.
Everything is fine. After some short time, I was off the scale again, my subconscious was again hammering at me that this shouldn’t be the case, and I left again, it didn’t last long, a little longer. She already experienced it more calmly compared to the first time. I felt bad, I was broken, I didn’t want to do anything, and again I wanted to be with her. I began to ask her, give flowers, write, ask for forgiveness, promise. She let me in. And again, time has passed, I already feel that she is not so kind to me. We talked and she said that she didn’t love me that much, to which I said that I wasn’t happy with that and left again. This was already the 4th time. I thought that enough was enough, two weeks passed, I didn’t write, I held back, I feel bad again, my head says no, but with my soul and heart I want to be with her. Two weeks passed, she wrote that she missed her, and I replied that I missed her too. He invited her to come and talk to him. I again wanted to be with her, to which she told me that she didn’t know what she wanted, she would think, and that night she stayed with me. Now a month has passed since the last moment I left, we live separately, she comes to me on weekends, and in the morning she leaves for her home and work. I’m not rushing her to make a decision, and I myself can’t fully understand myself, everything is confused. This is how superficial my story is.
In what cases do women decide to marry men who are much older than them? And what does this “much older” mean?... For some, 5 years is a big difference, but for others, it’s a thrill to have mature partners 15 years apart. Everything is banal, simple and not new for a long time. In the ranking of the reasons for such a bold marriage, love takes first place. Whatever you say, grown men can easily make a young girl fall in love with them. They have experience, courage, wisdom, self-confidence and even excessive audacity; such knights know exactly what they want and take it. Second place in the ranking of reasons is occupied by self-interest. This is all clear.
Few people would refuse a successful and rich boyfriend, even with possible wrinkles and gray hair. Next in the ranking is “What if something better doesn’t turn up?!” This reason is mainly close to girls with low self-esteem or with little experience in amorous matters. In fact, there can be many reasons for jumping out to marry a mature applicant, but the most important and interesting thing begins after the stamp in the passport.
Psychology of relationships if a man is 10 years older video
Here the relationship itself, or rather its psychology, becomes more important. If everything starts out very well, then sooner or later, as in any relationship, problems, questions and mutual claims appear. The psychology of relationships if a man is 10 years older is not just a topic for a bachelorette party or an article in a magazine, it is real anxieties, fears and experiences. It will be difficult for an ordinary person who has not encountered this kind of relationship to understand the full essence of possible problems.
Advice from friends who do not have similar experience will most likely be ridiculous, useless and even stupid. And since a girl has decided to connect her life with a mature man, she must be ready to always behave with dignity, at the appropriate level and in all situations that arise, think with her head and not be led by her own emotions.
- Underestimating your partner
- Provoking jealousy
- Younger than youth youth
- Compliance with the requirements
Underestimating your partner
There are many rules in love relationships that apply to military strategy and tactics. For example, underestimating your partner. Women who are younger, more energetic and more obstinate than their partners are for some reason very confident in themselves and their abilities. And sometimes, having soared too high, they don’t even notice how they lose respect and interest in their person in the eyes of their loved one. Excessive self-confidence allows you to underestimate your partner. And then, at the most unexpected moment, the man leaves. Yes, yes, yes... the same one who is 10 years older, who has gray hair and an annoying stomach ulcer. Conclusion: for a man, age is not a barrier or a stopper. A man at any age can change his life, his woman and his family. Yes, it’s offensive, sad, but that’s how the world was created. Men endure breakups more easily and make decisions easier and faster.
Provoking jealousy
Another common mistake women make in relationships with older men is provoking jealousy. Sometimes a girl worries about the faded passion in a relationship. Anxiety regarding the evaporation of interest in one’s person, the emerging coldness and even seeming indifference, does not give peace. And then, the first thing that comes to mind is to make you jealous. Of course, “I’m young, beautiful, and he’s older and not as good-looking as before”! Under no circumstances should such a tool be used. Grown-up men are experienced, they immediately understand everything and draw conclusions. But the result of such techniques is rarely “happy endings”. Conclusion: jealousy is not the best lever to press thoughtlessly.
Younger than youth youth
When a man makes a difficult decision for him to commit himself to a relationship with a young girl, he certainly does not expect that over time he may hear reproaches about his age. And you shouldn’t entertain the illusion that he won’t be younger than you. If a man was able to successfully realize himself in a relationship in which there is a 10-year difference between the partners, then 15 years will not be a problem for him. Therefore, you should not raise this sensitive topic at every opportunity. 27 )
Is it possible to be happy if your husband is much younger? Does family life depend on the difference in years between spouses?
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I met my man at work. I am a free girl, not burdened with a husband and children. Andrey was undergoing a probationary period and often came to our department to sign documents. Light flirting, play with glances and gentlemanly manners were the first things that attracted my attention.
I flew to work as if on wings, of course, I began to pay attention to my appearance - to think through my image even more carefully.
After it became obvious to everyone at work that Andrey was courting me, a colleague said with a grin over a cup of coffee:“Do you know how old your Romeo is? He’s 9 years younger than you.” I pretended to know, laughed through my teeth with my “friend,” but the information came as an unpleasant surprise to me.
I’m not a prude, and I have a normal attitude towards couples in which the partners have an age difference of 3-4 years, or when the man is much older than the woman. But the mentality takes its toll: we, and specifically me, are not yet adapted to accept relationships where the woman is much older than the man.
Although I did not plan a long relationship that smoothly flows into marriage, so I allowed myself to forget myself and plunge headlong into an amazing romantic adventure. It will end quickly anyway.
We met, went to lunch, to the cinema together, he gave flowers and sweet surprises. I went on unexpected, unusual dates and thoroughly enjoyed life, realizing with surprise that I had fallen head over heels in love. It was as if I was experiencing my first adult love for the second time.
He wasn't bothered by my age. We spent a lot of time together and talked about everything in the world - in general, I was reliving the “candy and marmalade” stage in a relationship, when the partner seems ideal, but the whole life is still ahead.
But she didn’t tell anyone how old Andrei was. I look very good: I play sports, watch my diet, take care of myself - we look like peers and no one has any questions.
Recently Andrey proposed marriage. Everything was like in a movie: a restaurant, champagne, a ring in a velvet box (not a diamond one, though), but I remembered and bought exactly the one I liked in the jewelry store.
I said that I was confused and embarrassed, that I would like to just live together a little longer. This hurt him - I saw it, but he tried to pretend that everything was normal. “I’ll wait until you make up your mind,” Andrey concluded, smiling.
All my life I have depended on the opinions of others: I went where my mother wanted, was a follower in all respects, and never shone in companies - just an ordinary, slightly shy girl.
In my rented apartment, even the furniture is the one my mother insisted on (I liked the other one, but this one was also cute - I was too lazy to swear, and I gave up). Why am I telling this?
As soon as Andrey proposed to me, I immediately thought about the remarks of my loved ones and “friends”:“Are you attracted to young people?”, “Didn’t you think that he was with you out of convenience: an independent adult woman and a former student is the plot for a cheap melodrama,” “Yes, in a couple of years he will exchange you for someone your age.”
How can you overcome such a strong dependence on others and not be embarrassed by the age of your loved one? How to trust him and learn to trust yourself? For me there are no answers to these questions yet.
Elena
Comment from psychologist Anna Matuliak:
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Hello, Elena!
After reading your story, I experienced different feelings.- joy from the fact that you are now going through a very pleasant period, and on the other hand - regret, because it’s like you can’t enjoy it to the end...
Such an issue as relationships and family cannot be approached in a “standard way”, You should not rely on public opinion, dubious statistics, etc. There are two loving people: you and your chosen one, and how happy you will be directly depends on both of you, but not on age as such.
For a harmonious union, it is important that both spouses are sufficiently fulfilled in life so that they have similar life and family values, and this, as you understand, is relevant for all couples.
There are some peculiarities of relationships in such couples, but you just need to know about them and be prepared:
- In such couples there is a risk of building a relationship according to the “mother-son” scenario, but, again, this phenomenon also occurs in couples of the same age.
- In continuation of the previous point, often in such couples the woman takes on the role of “leader”, “patron”, “head of the family”, etc. If this is a scenario that suits both, then no problem.
However, if a man wants to feel like a man, make decisions, be responsible for them, and a woman does not give this opportunity, devaluing abilities and opportunities, then such a relationship will not last long... And the reason will not be the difference in age... - Jealousy and fears: “he will find someone younger”, “I will grow old, become ugly, leave for someone else”, etc. Here you must also clearly understand that age is never a guarantee of a strong relationship.
Marriages with peers are also breaking up. To ensure that you don’t have too many fears and that anxiety doesn’t completely take over you, it’s good if you understand and know why your partner chose you? What does he especially value about you? What does it value? What can you do better than others? This is something that can support you and strengthen your faith. - You must be prepared for an “attack” of public opinion. Although society has advanced greatly in understanding and accepting different variations in family and marriage, the difference in the age of spouses still causes heated discussions.
If you can allow yourself to enjoy these relationships, then coping with your environment will be much easier.
Well, as for defending your opinion, if you are planning to start a family, then this ability will be very useful to you. You must be able to protect the boundaries of your own family with a husband of any age.
Judging by what you describe, you have not yet managed to completely “separate” from your mother, which is why her opinion is so significant for you. And this, among other things, can affect the harmony in the relationship with your chosen one.
This is a question that requires your attention and resolution directly with your mother.. You need to understand, realize that you are an adult woman who has the right to live her own life as she sees fit, and with WHOM she wants.
Any relationship- this is work, daily work and maintaining the “give and take” balance. There will be difficulties (all couples have them), just be prepared to see them and, of course, cope!
And be sure to enjoy the wonderful moments of life that you are experiencing now!
Dear readers! What is the age difference between you and your husband? How do you feel about families where the husband is younger than the wife? We are waiting for your comments!
Where did this maxim even come from: the only good thing for marriage is an age difference in favor of the husband? Most likely, this arrangement of age differences is dictated by the instinct of procreation. After all, it is characteristic of humans in the same way as other representatives of all life on Earth.
Therefore, if a man is more than two or three years younger than a woman, society views such a relationship as an anomaly. But in fact, are marriages in which there is a more or less large age difference with a bias towards the wife really doomed and meaningless?
- The wife is 3-8 years older than her husband
Statistics say that, which is no more than 7-8 years older than him, can be quite long-term. Here, a lot depends on how fulfilled they both are in life, whether there is a great difference between them in their views and attitudes towards various aspects of life together, and whether they view family values in the same way.
There is a risk, of course, to build a “mother-son” relationship, but this also happens in couples with an age difference towards the man. By the way, psychologists assure that such unions, like father-daughter relationships, are the most durable.
An example of a successful marriage in which the wife is no more than 8 years older than her husband is Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. The difference between them is measured by six years. And yet, they have been together for a quarter of a century. And this, you see, is a deadline. True, their relationship remained unofficially registered. But, as Russell admits: “ Why seal a marriage that is already strong?
If a woman is 9-15 years older than a man
There are also many examples of fairly long-term unions in this category. Larisa Dolina and Ilya Spitsyn (13 years old), Irina and Sergei Bezrukov (9 years old), Nonna Grishaeva and Alexander Nesterov (12 years old), Hugh Jackman and Deborah Lee Furness (13 years old). Surely, among your friends you will find at least one example of a happy family with such an age difference. Well, this confirms that all ages are submissive to love. And a woman, regardless of the number of years she has lived, can, provided that she is confident in her attractiveness.
However, psychologists warn: unions in which there is a large age difference with an advantage in favor of the wife fall apart more often than usual. Czech psychotherapist Miroslav Pzlak spent ten years studying the lives of three hundred families in which the woman is 10 years or more older than the man.
By the end of the observation, only 70 couples maintained their relationships; the rest lasted much less. Similar data was obtained by another researcher of such marriages, American Michelle Davis. Of the 250 unions she observed, in which the wife was 10-18 years older than the husband, only 37 couples remained in the relationship after 10 years. According to psychotherapist A. Poleev, if a man is a sufficiently large number of years younger than a woman, then he can get a positive experience from this relationship. But they should last no more than 3-4 years. Otherwise, mistrust, questions, and disappointment may arise.
- If a man is 16-20 years or more younger than a woman
Society condemns such marriages most harshly. And yet, their number tends to steadily increase. Both psychotherapists and sexologists began to study this interesting phenomenon. It turned out that there are quite a few reasons why people with such a large age difference unite in favor of women.
Similar sexual needs, mutually beneficial personal relationships (both have something to give each other), the opportunity to realize some of their complexes. There are examples of happy unions in this group. But there are quite a few of them. And they, rather being an exception, confirm the rule: a family is created after all for the birth of children, therefore couples who are initially deprived of the opportunity to fulfill their natural destiny are most often doomed to breakup.
And yet, there are no boundaries for love, and rules are not subject to it. If a woman knows and wants this, she will be able to keep her husband’s love. In addition, unions in which there are sincere mutual feelings and a desire to give will not be hindered by any restrictions. Still, every couple has their own