A talented person is talented in everything. This is exactly what can be said about Mikhail Zadornov. Author of a dozen books in the genre of lyrical and satirical stories, travel notes, and essays. It would seem that there are no topics that he does not understand. Zadornov's quotes on any topic were always apt and sharp. Love, politics, culture, social life... Witty statements on any of these topics always became so popular that the authorship was often forgotten, and the phrases “went to the people.” And this is precisely what confirms its nationwide popularity.
The best quotes from Mikhail Zadornov
Americans, no matter how hard they try, will never understand one Russian answer: “Yes, probably not...”
Most people love cannibals.
Only our people can say the phrase: “So this is damn divine!”
Judging by the hair color of many Russian pensioners, everything is purple for them.
What a drunk woman has on her mind, a sober man will never achieve.
If you want to always be in a good mood, learn to enjoy the little things, say, your salary. It's a small thing, but nice.
If you feel happy for more than one day, it means they are hiding something from you...
Don't dig a hole for your neighbor, otherwise he will use it as a trench.
I wonder why Americans show the middle finger, and Russians show their hand up to the elbow?
They say that Julius Caesar did many things at once. Yes, he would ride in our minibus and look at the driver.
The difference between lies and truth is that lies always have witnesses, but truth never does.
The instructions are the creative expression of the watchmen.
Vladimir Putin's daughters will not go to the polls because their parents are not elected.
They lived happily ever after until they met each other!
You don't have to be a dog to be a friend.
Only a Russian, if you allow him to do whatever he wants, will do nothing at all...
While you read our evacuation plan, you will burn along with the plan!
The dream of Russian doctors is that the poor never get sick, and the rich never get well.
Surgeons wear masks over their faces during surgery so that if the operation is unsuccessful, patients will not be able to identify them.
Friendship needs time, love needs space.
There are three manifestations of God on earth: nature, love and a sense of humor. Nature helps you live, love helps you survive, and a sense of humor helps you survive.
Did you know that schools and kindergartens in Russia are at least occasionally renovated because during elections they house polling stations.
How can I say what our future will be like in twenty years when I don't even know what our past will be like in a year?
Only our man, stepping on the rake for the second time, is glad that it has not yet been stolen.
Sometimes a step forward is the result of a kick in the ass.
By summer, I want to lose weight so that I can not only stand in last year’s jeans, but also sit.
I don’t understand how our doctors learn from the dead, but treat the living.
The minibus driver suddenly rose from the dead because the morgue worker slammed the door loudly.
Only our person leaves the last piece on the plate - so as not to wash the plate after dinner.
Only our man can thank his wife for the delicious navy-style pasta and get hit in the ear for it, because it was carbonara pasta.
Children are gods, and we make people out of them.
Your family's income is when your profit is faster than your wife's.
Alcohol is a liquid for removing women.
Modern youth spend so much time at the computer that soon they will write “user” in the “nationality” column in their passports.
If you yourself will be in the garden all day, you will not need a scarecrow.
We always think we are smarter than others, so we constantly end up being fools.
Believing politicians is believing that sausage is made from meat!
There are learned people, and there are wise people. Scientists are those who know a lot. And the wise are those who understand what they know.
They say women love with their ears. One can imagine how lucky the crocodile Gena would have been if Cheburashka had been a woman.
Only our people can write “No comments” in the comments.
Mikhail Zadornov was born on July 21, 1948 in Jurmala. In 1974 he graduated from the Moscow Aviation Institute. The same year he began publishing. For some time he worked at the institute as an engineer and was the artistic director of the student propaganda theater. Then he became the head of the satire and humor department in the magazine "Youth".
He made his debut on television in 1982, and was the author and host of the television programs “Full House” and “Funny Panorama”. Wrote more than ten books. Winner of the Golden Calf and Ovation awards.
He died on November 10, 2017 after a long serious illness - the satirist had a brain tumor. Even after learning about the disease and undergoing chemotherapy courses, Zadornov did not stop working. He performed, wrote books and interacted with fans
A few days before his death, Mikhail Zadornov converted to Orthodoxy and underwent the rite of unction.
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Difficult- “this” and “false” - this is false!
Revenge - Eats me
Grief. From the word "burn". The soul burns out in grief.
“The great mighty Russian language” - everyone knows this quote. But, in my opinion, even the author, feeling the deep meaning inherent in our native speech and loving it, did not always understand how energetic and mysterious every Russian word is. Sometimes commandments are not required. It is only necessary to reveal this word, to see its natural meaning. For what? To understand how to become happier in life, how to die cheerful and healthy. I understand: “It’s difficult to live easily!” To make it easy to live easily, it is enough to listen to our native words - the commandments.
Difficult. It consists of two words: “this” and “false” - this is false! That is, if you lie, life will be difficult!
Envy. From the word addiction. A very simple and correct meaning - when a person is jealous, he loses his freedom, thoughts and is dependent on those he envies.
Revenge. Today, most movie plots revolve around revenge. And then the authors wonder why life doesn’t work out for them. There is no need to teach people revenge. And there is no need to pass off a minus as a plus. Our native word convinces us of this: revenge eats me! You will take revenge and you will be eaten by your own dark dreams and affairs.
Today they often say: “positive”, “negative”. The words seem to be clear to everyone. But what distinguishes foreign words from ours? The meaning is the same, but there is no secret in them. Try to pronounce the native “positive” slowly several times and you will hear inside: “to live.” That is, what is good for life is good. What about “positive”? Just from the word “pose”. Yes, it is more suitable for our current sycophantic society - whatever position you take, how much you bend, everything will be positive for you.
An even wiser word is “negative.” Means "departure from the Trinity." If you don’t honor the Trinity, you live negatively.
Grief. From the word "burn". The soul burns out in grief.
Sadness. It's heartbreaking.
Evil. It is no coincidence that the words “evil” and “ash” have the same root. From evil the soul turns to ash.
In Christianity it is often mentioned that pride is not from God. Humility is needed. As a rule, they talk about this in polysyllabic terms and not very convincingly. But it is enough to reveal this word. Pride is a pain to get. The only thing worse is pride. And as a satirist, let me suggest that “pride” is generally when grief gives you a melon!
The word “sin” is wonderful and instructive. Grief has arrived. If you sin, grief will inevitably come to you.
Adultery. From the word “to fall in love.” Agree, everything that is “over” is superfluous for a person. So it becomes clear what adultery leads to - impotence and Viagra!
And finally, the most important word for a Russian person is gluttony. It would seem that it comes from the word “womb”. But if you look at some etymological dictionaries, it turns out that the word “womb” comes from the word “worm”. Here is the solution. How many people dream of losing weight while continuing to overeat - gluttony! That is, to please the worms. Sorry for the harshness (but it’s not for nothing that they call me a malignant satirist), I’ll say even harsher: gluttony is feeding worms.
All these words were born when our ancestors considered themselves not servants of God, but sons. The difference is this: the son of God sins less. For example, they never litter in nature, because they know that nature was created by their Father. And he doesn’t want anything bad for his dad. And the servant of God will do this easily, because he knows that he will then ask for forgiveness from the Lord. And he will forgive him as religion teaches. I cheated on my wife - Lord, forgive me. The Son of God understands that in this case, forgiveness must be asked from the wife, and not from his Father, since the Father has nothing to do with it! The servant of God loads the Lord. And he, in my opinion, is horrified by the unfaithful men of the whole world: “Why are you loading me? And why should I be responsible for all your sins?” No one can atone for the sins of another - this is what our ancestors believed. If you want to see who is to blame for your troubles, go to the mirror.
Many Russian words have changed their meaning over time. And now we cannot always guess their spring significance. For example, the word “red” used to mean “beautiful.” Towards “ra”, striving towards the light. And the color was designated by the word “scarlet”. Agree that the “red girl” is not a girl with a red face, and the “red corner” is not a place where alcoholics with flushed mugs sit. And “Red Square” was named that way because it is bright and beautiful, and not because of its color.
And thanks to the words, it is clear how the morality of our people faded and how we turned from sons of God into slaves. For example, the word “suffer” used to mean “to remove suffering.” Then the time came to work not for oneself, but for some uncle, and there was no desire to harvest the crops. And then one day a peasant came to his hut, wiped the sweat from his face and said to his wife: “I have suffered so much today!” I liked the word, they began to repeat it, and that’s how it stuck to our language. The same thing happened with the word “week”. "Week" meant only one day - Sunday. This was one day in the week when you could do nothing. When harvesting the harvest became a suffering for our ancestors, one day of rest seemed not enough; I already wanted to do nothing for seven days! This is how, instead of the word “week,” the word “week,” which is favorable to today’s ears, became entrenched in the language.
Sometimes the words were recolored, turning from light to dark. The word "blue" comes from the word "dove". Pigeons love their heads. And now “blue” evokes a grin and a grin. And even songs about a blue puppy and a blue carriage sound somehow indecent. And when they say that Picasso had a “blue” period, modern youth believe that he changed his orientation at this time.
These are just some examples. Now think for yourself - how you want to live: waiting for grief to come to you, or rejoicing, with honor and dignity. By the way, we often use these words together, attributing to them one meaning, although the original meanings were different. “Honor” is a feminine concept. A woman must guard her honor from a young age. And “dignity” is a masculine word. From the word, excuse me, “worth it.” It’s not for nothing that we say “male dignity.” And not only not in the sense that you are thinking about now. When a man lives with dignity, he has a straight back, he stands straight with his head held high, and he has an open look.
And finally, for your pleasure: the word “pleasure” comes from the ancient word “ud”. Even in pre-Christian times, oud was the name given to the male sexual organ. You can find evidence of this in Russian folk tales, even from Afanasyev, who collected them. Therefore, “pleasure” originally means - at the will of the male genital organ. Hence “satisfaction” - a creation at the will of the same organ, and “lengthen”, and “fishing rod”, and “daring”. But women are not entitled to pleasure, they have no luck. Therefore, they should be pleased, from the word “acceptance”.
Of course, I allowed myself to go beyond some boundaries of decency in this note. I did this deliberately, because the truth should not be drowned in hypocrisy. And what is true is not vulgarity. By the way, the word “vulgarity” cannot be translated into any language. It appeared in the Russian language when actors and buffoons were forced to pay a fine for low-grade jokes on the theater stage. This fine was called a “duty.” So “vulgarity” is something you have to pay for. If they understood this today and introduced such a law, then Moscow could live on self-sufficiency, on funds received from glamorized characters.
P.S. One of my businessman acquaintances, who does not believe in either the devil or God, after listening to my similar conclusions, said: “Maybe this is all not true, but it sounds so beautiful that I want to believe in it!” I’m not sure that the thoughts that I shared with you are the ultimate truth, but I want to believe in it...
Writer and satirist Mikhail Zadornov died at the age of 70. He gained popularity thanks to his humorous concerts. In his speeches, Zadornov touched on a variety of topics, was not afraid to criticize society and government, and made people laugh, including at himself. And his quotes about America and the Russian people have long become popular.
“There are people who live for money, and there are those who live for money.”
“To live in a civilized country, you don’t have to leave Russia. Moreover, make a revolution in it. Just don’t litter, don’t swear, start driving according to the rules on the roads, don’t give bribes, don’t take bribes, don’t drink alcohol or smoke, don’t cheat on your loved one, respect the culture and learn the history of your homeland, respect the elderly. And before you know it, you will find yourself in a civilized state.”
“When Russians look into a room and see that there is no one there, they say “not a soul.” That is, the main thing in a person is the soul. And the English-thinking people in such cases say “nobody” - there is no body. This very accurately reflects their psychology. For them, a person is a body, but for us it is a soul.”
“It’s much easier for our people to come up with an all-terrain vehicle than to fix the roads.”
“Russia is a huge state with an unpredictable past!”
“All peoples, using democratic methods, are fighting for their future, and only we are fighting our past. And what’s amazing is that we always win!”
“For over several decades, the people’s watchmen in our society have been waging war so that there are no wealthy and wise people in our country.”
“Eurasia means a lot of Europe and little Asia. But in our society there is much more Asia than Europe. It would be more accurate to say that we are Aziope.”
“If someone curses while standing on the shore and looking at the lunar path, this is our man.”
“If you want to always be in a good mood, learn to enjoy the little things, say, your salary. It’s a small thing, but it’s nice.”
“When a woman gets married, she is given an invisible medal along with her wedding ring, it’s called “For Courage” ...”
“In the Middle Ages, the key to a chastity belt served as a guarantor of trust in a woman. Nowadays, it’s a password for a page on a social network.”
“And they will say that we didn’t have sex in the Soviet Union? Right! Because “sex” is a business word, but with us... We had love, we had passion, we had temperament! What kind of sex? Sex is a business proposal: “Let’s go have sex,” that’s a business proposal, and she says, “Okay,” and what do you get? This is meant for the lunch break, not for the whole night...”
“It’s disgusting to live in a country where it’s a shame to be poor, but not a shame to be a scoundrel.”
“I often believe legends and myths more than official history. The legend always exaggerates, but never lies, and history changes every time with a change of power.”
“Lying to your wife is immorality. Lying to colleagues, clients, customers is fraud. Lying to the whole people is politics.”
“There are three manifestations of God on earth: nature, love and a sense of humor. Nature helps you live, love helps you survive, and a sense of humor helps you survive.”
“Only our man, stepping on the rake for the second time, is glad that it has not yet been stolen.”
“If you tell a person that there are three hundred billion stars in the Universe, he will believe it. If you say that the bench is painted, he will definitely touch it!”
“A person’s age is divided into three stages: childhood, adolescence and ... “You look great!” There is, however, a fourth stage - a very sad one - “You are holding up great!” I really want to stay longer in the third age.”
“Quote Man” was the name given to the Russian satirist writer and pop artist Mikhail Zadornov. And indeed, his speeches are a real treasure trove of sparkling, sometimes biting and truly funny catchphrases. The comedian not only made fun of Americans and the shortcomings of the Russian people, he joked about life in general. Moreover, his humor was never evil, but was always honest, coming from the heart. We have collected the best quotes from the artist's performances.
40 best quotes from Zadornov
How do different peoples in different countries relate to frost?
+10 degrees - Americans are chilling, Russians are planting cucumbers.
+2 - Italians’ cars don’t start, Russians drive with the windows open... They watch cucumbers grow.
0 - in France the water freezes, in Russia it thickens.
–5 - in Canada the heating is turned on. The Russians go on a picnic for the last time, digging up cucumbers.
–25 - public transport does not work in Europe! Russians stop eating ice cream on the street... They switch to popsicles so that their hands don’t get cold. They snack on cucumbers.
–40 - Finnish special forces evacuate Santa Claus from Lapland, in Russia they are preparing felt boots for possible frosts. Curl cucumbers for the winter.
–113 - Life on earth stops. The Russians are in a bad mood... The ethyl alcohol is frozen, you have to lick the cucumbers.
–273 - Absolute zero. Atomic motion stops. The Russians swear: “Well, damn it! Cold! The tongue freezes... To cucumbers.
For me personally, the end of the world is not as scary as losing the end of the tape!
“You and I would complement each other well!” - Kolobok exclaimed when he saw the headless horseman!
If during the New Year's celebration it came down to the cake, the holiday was a failure!
Did you know that a recently deceased minibus driver came back from the dead after a mortuary worker slammed his door too loudly.
By summer, I want to lose weight so that I can not only stand in last year’s jeans, but also sit.
Only our person leaves the last piece on the plate - so as not to wash the plate after dinner.
Only our man can thank his wife for the delicious navy-style pasta and get hit in the ear for it, because it was carbonara pasta.
Few people know that asters and dahlias are most disliked on the first of September.
I'm generally an optimist. And an optimist is a person who comes to a cemetery and sees advantages instead of crosses.
It is considered a terrible omen if a black cat breaks a mirror with an empty bucket!
An American thinks on the move, a German thinks while standing, an Englishman thinks while sitting, and a Russian thinks later. First he does it, and then he thinks about how to unwind what he has done...
Brighton Beach... The shore of the Atlantic Ocean... They say that decent, poor blacks once lived here. It is known from history that if blacks came to live somewhere, then everyone else had already left. This is the only case when the blacks themselves left somewhere after the Russians arrived there.
And yet it’s surprising: we say “hot Finnish guys”, meaning their slowness, “slowness”, and the fastest racers in the world are Finns! Do you know why? They just don't have time to let off the gas pedal!
Astrologers told me fortunes. They say: “You have Mercury in Venus! You will live long. If you don’t die early!”
Only a Russian person can drink tea at night, and then spend half the night thinking about whether to go to the toilet now or wait until the morning.
All nationalities in the world are NOUNS, and only we, RUSSIANS, are an adjective.
How disappointed in people did you have to be to call a chainsaw the word “Friendship”?
If you tell a person that there are 300 billion stars in the Universe, he will believe it. If you say that the bench is painted, he will definitely touch it!
Emergency incident in kindergarten No. 52. There, the pupils of the middle group captured the teacher and mocked her for four hours. In particular: they forced her to eat three plates of semolina porridge, sing a song about a Christmas tree to the accompaniment of an out-of-tune piano, and then forced her to sleep during the day. In the evening, the children agreed to give the teacher, half-dead after torturing her, only to her parents.
Old age is when you bend down to tie your shoelaces and think what else to do along the way?!
If you fall in love and don’t know how to get rid of this feeling, get married!
A student is a person who dreams of changing the world. A young specialist is a person whom the world has already changed!
Did you know that on trams, buses and trains men always sit with their eyes closed because it hurts them to see women standing.
The shortest joke about America: McDonald's is a restaurant."
How could you call the weaker sex, which takes so much strength?
A sign on a vegetable stall: “The stall is open until dark.”
You can get along with anyone if you live separately.
They lived happily ever after until they met each other.
Fools are those who are fools.
Did you know that on August 31st it is impossible to sign up for a manicure at any beauty salon. All the time before September 1st... reserved by schoolgirls!
Carlson got pregnant in the morning. Now she is expecting a baby.
Moscow today resembles a homeless person who gave himself a manicure, pedicure, put on a tuxedo over his dirty laundry and went to play in the casino.
According to the classic Russian diet, you need to eat once a day. But from morning to evening!
If a person wants to live, then medicine is powerless. And if a person wants to live well, then even legislation is powerless.
If you want to always be in a good mood, learn to enjoy the little things, say, your salary. It's a small thing, but nice.
Announcement on the beach: “Don’t hang yourself on fungi!”
And only in Russia can a pedestrian crossing the road at a red light be hit... by an oncoming person running across the road!
Only a Russian person, if he is allowed to do whatever he wants, will do nothing at all.
The best of 30 years: performance on video
Mikhail Nikolaevich Zadornov left our world in November 2017. However, the memory of him lives on, and the humorist’s jokes and quotes still appear on the Internet - they have become so close and understandable.
Mikhail Nikolaevich Zadornov, a popular satirist and playwright, was admitted to the Russian Writers' Union. He is the author of a large number of books. Among them are works of diverse genres - essays, notes and plays, stories. And Mikhail Zadornov’s quotes about America and the Russian people are becoming popular.
11/10/2017 Mikhail Zadornov passed away. The satirist died at the age of 70, after long-term treatment for cancer. Today we remember the best quotes from Mikhail Nikolaevich Zadornov, perhaps one of the most famous humorists in Russia.
MIKHAIL ZADORNOV - BEST QUOTES
● We despise the West, but this does not prevent us from copying it in everything.
● When Russians look into a room and see that there is no one there, they say “not a soul.” That is, the main thing in a person is the soul. And the English-thinking people in such cases say “nobody” - there is no body. This very accurately reflects their psychology. For them, a person is a torso, but for us it is a soul.
● When asked by journalists “Why does your press secretary have such an expensive accessory?” Vladimir Putin joked: “Do you think Peskov should wear an hourglass?!” But I thought to myself: “It’s time to sneak ‘someone’ in!”
● It is much easier for our people to come up with an all-terrain vehicle than to fix the roads.
● The president could solve the problems of thousands of Russian poor people only with the help of the right hand of his right hand. (about Peskov's watch)
● Dmitry Peskov said that Navka gave him a watch worth 37 million rubles. This is a rare case when a man offered his hand to a woman, and she gilded it.
We honor Jesus without remembering at all what he bequeathed to us.
● We think for a long time, but immediately turn on our ingenuity.
● We don’t say the command “gop” until you figure out where you jumped.
● Russia is a huge state with an unpredictable past!
● Russian princess Anna Yaroslavna, who became the famous queen of France by marrying the king, was the worst at the French court: she alone knew how to read, washed herself and brushed her teeth - that’s a Russian savage.
● We flaunt the volume of vodka we drink and the fact that our lovely representatives of the fairer sex are the strongest!
● Russia is doomed to eternal prosperity! After all, a civilization usually ends its existence at the very moment its culture flourishes.
● America gave Russia freedom from the USSR. Now we are FREE to dress like clowns, drink, take drugs and die young, we are FREE to disrespect our parents and neglect our studies, we are FREE to ignore children and not look for work, we are FREE to be bandits and prostitutes, lesbians and gays.
● We are amazing people. We want to live like everyone else, but at the same time we try to be different from others.
● Of course, the Russian language is not cool, Russian films are not fashionable, traditions and culture are barbaric, because it is better to wear Chinese sneakers in minus thirty than warm, but not fashionable felt boots.
If someone curses while standing on the shore and looking at the lunar path, this is our person.
● Only our person is asked at the wrong moment to provide a passport, check your registration, or determine your gender.
● How to understand how the number of employees increases after staff reductions?
● How can one argue about what is better to live in: in a capitalist or socialist society - after all, not a single person has ever lived under socialism.
● All peoples, using democratic methods, are fighting for their future, and only we are fighting our past. And what’s amazing is that we always win!
How to understand this expression: “echelons of power”? They are being laid off, fired, and their echelons are the same as before.
● Eurasia means a lot of Europe and little Asia. But in our society there is much more Asia than Europe. It would be more accurate to say that we are Asiapa.
● You can live in their Germany. You can even live without drinking. Besides, you can live without stealing.
● For over several decades, people's watchmen in our society have been waging war so that there are no wealthy and wise people in our country.