Let's consider psychological techniques for managing emotions in the negotiation process to resolve conflicts. You should be aware of possible negative emotional reactions to acute situations. This may subsequently negatively affect your health, your mood or your well-being. Of course, their manifestation should be prevented. How to learn this? After all, avoid conflict situations in life we cannot, but we are still able to react correctly to negativity.

Rules for managing feelings and emotions in conflict

The first rule of managing emotions in conflict: React calmly to the emotional actions or “attacks” of your opponent.

When your opponent is in a state of emotional intensity, you should under no circumstances succumb to the action of the “psychological law of contagion” and prevent retaliatory manifestations. Better stop yourself and ask yourself next questions: “Why does he behave this way?”, “What is he trying to achieve?”, “Is his behavior connected with his character or is there another reason for his negativism?”

By asking yourself questions like these and answering them, you will achieve several benefits:

Firstly, in critical situation you force your consciousness to work actively and thereby protect yourself from an emotional explosion. Main principle in managing your emotions. Secondly, with your calm attitude you allow your opponent to let off steam.

Thirdly, you are distracted from unnecessary and sometimes harmful information (expressed grievances, reproaches, etc.) expressed by your partner. And finally, fourthly, by answering questions, you decide a very important and difficult task— looking for the causes of the conflict, trying to understand the motives of the opponent.

A positive effect comes from exchanging the content of emotional experiences during communication. By communicating their grievances, experiences, feelings, partners receive relief. But such an exchange must be carried out in a calm manner, and in no case in an offensive tone. This is the essence of managing your emotions in conflict.

During the conflict, in the process of exchanging emotions, partners must realize the meaning of what is happening, ensuring further Constructive decisions negotiations Conventionally, this technology in the psychology of managing emotions is called rationalization of emotions.

The following rule for managing emotions in conflict

Rationalization of emotions, exchange of the content of emotional experiences in the process of calm communication.

It should be emphasized the importance of understanding the reasons for your undesirable emotional reaction at the previous stage of negotiations. This will avoid negative emotions in subsequent stages. One of the reasons for partners' unwanted emotional reactions is often their low self-esteem.

The inadequacy of emotional behavior in this case is explained by one of the psychological defense mechanisms. The psychology of managing emotions says that emotional reactions should be supported to eliminate high level self-esteem in yourself and your partner.

Another rule for managing emotions in conflict is as follows:

Maintaining high self-esteem is the basis for constructive behavior in any negotiation process in conflict.

Conflictologists identify typical patterns of behavior of people in conflict:

1. Avoidant behavior pattern. The partner refuses to discuss problems, tries to avoid this topic and change the subject of communication. The opponent seeks to avoid conflict.

Ways to manage emotions in this case:

be persistent, be active, take initiative
interest the partner by showing options for solving the problem and the possibility of a positive solution

2. Negative model. The opponent claims that the problem is not urgent, that the conflict will resolve itself. The partner makes no effort to reach agreement.

Your ways of managing emotions:

point out in every possible way the presence of contradictions, their complexity and danger
take the initiative to discuss a difficult problem
create a favorable atmosphere for discussing your differences
show ways and possibilities to resolve the problem

3. Inferior model. The partner agrees to any of your proposals, including those that are not profitable for themselves. The motive for such agreement may be the desire to get rid of the discomfort caused by a conflict situation.

Ways to manage emotions should be:

comprehensive discussion of decisions made
determining the degree of interest of the partner in the agreement, indicating its benefits
clearly stipulate the deadlines for implementation and forms of control over the implementation of the agreement

4. Upcoming model. Your opponent strives for success, namely, to make a decision in his favor. He rejects all your arguments and arguments. Shows pressure and even aggression. The motives for such behavior may be an unconscious desire to gain the upper hand, or an overestimated significance of the subject of the conflict.

Your actions and ways to manage emotions:

need to be calm and careful
do not give up and demonstrate your firmness and persuasiveness
make it clear that there can be no unilateral concessions
offer your options for a compromise in resolving the conflict

Emotional conflicts

Let's now look at conflicts caused by emotional factors. It is bad if the cause of the conflict is deep-seated resentment or anger. In this case, it is unlikely that anything can be done. There may be people in an organization who, for the sake of promotion or in a struggle for power, speak evil behind others' backs. It is unlikely that anyone will be able to convince the victim of slander to love his slanderer.

But in most situations, hostility is more superficial. In this case, the cause is often a simple misunderstanding.

Larry was very concerned about the lack of team spirit in his department. Conflicts constantly arose among subordinates and quarrels broke out. After attending a Dale Carnegie seminar, Larry decided to use one of the ideas he heard there. At a department meeting, he asked all six employees to write down what they liked most about their other colleagues. Then he suggested reading what he had written.

Karl looked at Maria and read: “When I need your help, you stop what you’re doing, no matter how busy you are, and help me.” Before this, Karl had never thanked Maria for her help, and she considered him an ungrateful and callous person. Now Maria began to treat her colleague better.

Ron heard the following from Lil: “I come to work terribly irritable, and your friendly “ Good morning“always makes me happy.” Previously, Ron considered Lil "mean" and avoided communicating with her. Now his attitude towards his colleague began to change.

When the employees returned to their jobs, each of them began to treat their colleagues better than before. It's hard not to love someone who just said something nice about you.

From the book Command or Obey? author Litvak Mikhail Efimovich

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First, let's look at how you can delicately avoid a conflict or prevent it by eliminating the cause.
- pay attention to whether there are prerequisites for conflict: prolonged silence, frequent statements on the same issue, irritation or annoyance on the part of the opponent. In such cases, it is better to approach first and politely ask why this is happening.
- think in advance what exactly you want to ask and in what terms.
- when your interests are affected, think about it, perhaps you did not take into account the needs of your opponent. Therefore, try to look at the situation from this person’s perspective and understand his feelings.
- relieve stress: clean, dance, do light exercise. Due to certain biochemical reactions, you will feel better.

So, you are in a situation of conflict, absorbed in it. If it is important for you not only to end the conflict, but also the relationship, complete the following tasks.

A. mentally build a wall between yourself and your opponent. Imagine that all his threats, screams, discontent are broken against her and do not reach you.
b. listen carefully to what the person specifically tells you and respond affirmatively, using the same words. For example: “You left the dirty dishes on the table and left!” You answer: “Yes, I left the dishes on the table and went out.” Usually, the conflicting parties deny their guilt, but here, agreement will moderate the opponent’s ardor.
V. say that you understand the other person’s feelings. “I understand that you are upset and upset that I spilled juice on your jacket.” Next, ask the question: how can you correct the current situation, what needs to be done. Involve your opponent in a joint solution to the situation that has arisen.
d. never get personal, always criticize only a person’s behavior, actions or words. But not his or his features.

If you are being yelled at and you feel like you are going to cry or scream even more, do the following:

1. Remember the cutest creature you have seen recently. And imagine your opponent doing just that. It's hard to swear at a hamster or a child, the main thing is not to start smiling.
2. Change the field of action. Let's say you can argue with a friend that you play football better than him. At work, sit down at the table and start drawing diagrams, asking how to do it correctly. You can literally leave the room.
3. Start listing what brings you conflict. Let's say, if you are constantly late, and your boss is swearing, you think: “How good! Now, in order to be on time for work, I will get up earlier, which means I will be able to do exercises. And I won’t be stuck in traffic jams. Besides, the boss will notice that I have improved and will begin to respect me even more, and that’s not far off.” Your resentment will quickly go away and will be replaced by anticipating the consequences of a quarrel.
4. React, but completely unexpectedly. So that the interlocutor is surprised and forgets what he wanted to say.
5. Take out the aggression

There are conflicts, the flow of which should be succumbed to. These may be old grievances and worries, emotional stress that has been accumulating for months. Let off steam or calmly listen to the heated person.

Remember that everything that surrounds you is fleeting. Don't attach importance to something that isn't worth it. Be confident.

Introduction

The relevance of the topic is due to the fact that the difficult socio-economic situation in the country, the drastic changes that have taken place in the lives of millions of Russians over the past last years, extremely aggravated the problem of interpersonal relationships.

People for whom conflicts are a joy are much less common than those for whom conflict is associated with painful emotional experiences. The above does not apply to all conflicts. Obviously, to measure the emotional component of the conflict, one more coordinate can be identified, the poles of which will be, on the one hand, the redundancy of emotional experiences, and on the other, complete rational control and relative freedom from emotional experiences.

Observations show that, arising with little emotional content, the conflict gradually “attracts” negative emotional experiences. Chronically repeated incidents lead to a loss of rational guidelines, and the initially rational cause of the conflict is replaced by an emotional one. The conflict can develop into a purely emotional one, when rational arguments are no longer important to opponents. Emotional conflicts are the most difficult and unpromising, since they are completely devoid of a logical component.

Goal: To study the emotional component of conflict and technologies for managing emotions.

The emotional side of the conflict

A conflict can develop into an emotional one, when rational arguments are no longer important to opponents. Emotional conflicts are the most difficult and unpromising, since they are completely devoid of a logical component. Even disposal of the subject of the conflict loses its meaning for opponents.

Therefore, there are only two ways out of emotional conflict:

1) separation of opponents,
2) a significant transformation in the motivation of opponents, which may take more than one month.

Assessing the emotional component of the conflict and preventing it from escalating should be a matter of concern for both opponents, if they strive for a positive resolution of the conflict, and conflictologists performing the functions of mediators.

Some social processes are finite: courtship most often ends in marriage, education - in a diploma. Others may continue until the terms for their termination are worked out. To resolve a conflict, the parties must enter into an agreement that defines its process and results, the mutual balance of forces, as well as the norms and rules for further interaction between opponents. The more clearly the subject of the conflict is outlined, the more obvious the signs marking victory, the greater the chance that the conflict will be localized in time and space.

Common mistakes when resolving conflicts

1. Attempts to resolve the conflict without finding out its true causes, i.e. without diagnostics.

Often, the administration’s attempts to extinguish the conflict on a personal level, to achieve peace among opponents, do not lead to positive results due to the fact that the basic problem that led to the conflict is not resolved. Opponents forced to interact each time again “stumble” over the basic problem and reproduce the conflict.

2. Premature “freezing” of the conflict.

Simply “separating” the parties and delimiting the areas of their activities can have a certain positive effect. But even replacing the current actors while maintaining the objective causes of the conflict will lead to its resumption with a different acting composition. Premature “freezing” of a conflict is a stop that does not change the essence of the objective situation, therefore it should in no way be taken as a resolution of the conflict. A premature “freeze” is fraught with the resumption of the conflict in an even more acute form. Only a “freeze” makes sense, carried out after a meaningful resolution of the conflict and the signing of an appropriate agreement between the parties.

3. The subject of the conflict and opponents are incorrectly defined.

Even if the components of the conflict have been diagnosed, the possibility of an error in determining the subject of the conflict and its real opponents cannot be ruled out. Sometimes actively speaking opponents are not actually independent players and act on a tip from real opponents who, for one reason or another, prefer to be in the “shadow”.

4. Delay in taking action.

Even if the conflict was caused by objective reasons, it tends to spread to interpersonal relationships. If, according to this indicator, the conflict has become chronic, then effective organizational solutions are not enough to resolve it. Opponents continue to experience personal hostility towards each other to one degree or another for a long time.

5. Lack of comprehensiveness and one-sidedness of measures - forceful or diplomatic.

Experience shows that the most effective is a combination of various conflict resolution measures, which makes it possible to actualize the multi-level motives of the opposing parties.

6. Bad choice intermediary

The choice of a mediator to negotiate with both parties cannot be random. The mediator must be equidistant from opponents and at the same time equally close to them. It is best if he touches both sides with some part of his biography and can be considered a part of each side. If the position of the mediator is asymmetrical relative to the opponents, this reduces the trust in him of one of the parties.

7. Attempts by the mediator to play his own “card.”

Opponents must be confident that the mediator’s thoughts are aimed exclusively at resolving the conflict. If he gives reason to even partially doubt his motivation, negotiations to resolve the conflict may immediately reach a dead end.

8. Passivity of opponents. Opponents will not achieve the desired compromise if they limit their activity in searching for it. Some conflict experts believe that a more active position should be taken by the party in a less advantageous situation. It would probably be more correct to say that both sides should be active. At the same time, losses from an uncompromising position in a strategic plan cannot be beneficial to either side. In an obviously conflict situation, you cannot sit back and wait it out. Sooner or later, the incident could lead to even more dramatic losses for both sides.
9. Lack of work with emotions and tension. Conflict is always accompanied by great tension and emotional distress. These phenomena, as a rule, significantly change both the perception and activities of the parties. It is very dangerous if emotions take precedence over reason. This can happen if negotiations on the content of the conflict are not accompanied by psychological work to reduce the level of tension and emotional background. Moreover, unlike negotiations in which three parties participate - both opponents and a mediator - in the psychological stage of negotiations the mediator works separately with each of the parties.
10. Lack of work with stereotypes. Emotional overload can lead to the activation of stereotypical perception, simplifying the picture of the world and social relations. Sometimes the so-called effect of “tunnel” vision appears, in which entire areas of reality fall out of the opponents’ field of vision, the visible loses its shades, and becomes black and white. It is necessary to use techniques for expanding the field of consciousness, changing points of view, and reflectively understanding the situation.
11. Generalization of the conflict.

The natural desire of the conflicting parties is to strengthen their positions. One of the directions of such strengthening is to attract strong supporters to one’s side. If this is not stopped, there may be a qualitative expansion of the conflict zone, and more and more new opponents will be drawn into it. Therefore, one of the first should be an agreement to limit the conflict zone and the number of opponents.

12. Errors in the contract.

The contents of the agreement must be recorded in in writing regardless of the scale of the conflict. Working on a written contract significantly transforms the negotiation process, making it more rational and meaningful. At the same time, errors in such a text can devalue the entire difficult process of reaching agreements. We are talking about substantive errors, due to which the parties and mediators did not foresee any aspects of the situation.

Psychology of emotions: feelings under control Dubravin Dan

Training No. 2. ANGER management. Emotional stability in conflict

The wisest is the one who knows how to subordinate his feelings to the dictates of reason. Both a fool and a wise man can become angry, but a fool blinded by anger becomes its slave. In the heat of rage, he himself does not know what he is doing, and all his actions turn out to be evil for him.

Egyptian proverb

Perhaps no other topic generates as much interest and enthusiasm as the topic of anger management. “A psychologist needs Tebek” or “Go get treatment!”- a common recipe for a person who has problems with feelings of anger. But seriously, let's look at the statistics.

According to statistics from the Ministry of Internal Affairs, 90% of murders are committed in a state of passion. This is a state in which a person is controlled by his emotions, and he does not realize what he is doing.

According to statistics, every person spends about 10% of his life on anger. Is it really? However, most crimes are committed precisely in a state of passion, which is preceded by anger.

The emotion of anger is a heritage that we inherited from our ancestors. Aggression in one form or another is inherent in all animals, even a good hamster. This is the basic level of instincts that helps a species survive, protect itself and its offspring, and undergo natural selection.

Source of constant ANGER

If you wave your dignity in all directions, it will be hurt in any case.

Joke: In general, I am not a conflicted person, as long as my dignity is not hurt.

Anger– hot temper, tendency to anger. If a person experiences anger, this indicates that he is not satisfying some important needs. In Dahl's dictionary, “anger” is interpreted as a destructive feeling that gives a person a lot of energy. Negative energy begins to literally surge over the edge, narrowing consciousness and adequate perception of reality. As you understand, there are more than enough sources for anger in the world around us, since needs are growing quickly, but the ability to satisfy them is not very good. This is why anger is common occurrence in modern society.

Perhaps in no other state does a person feel as strong and brave as in a state of anger. In anger, a person feels that his blood is “boiling,” his face is burning, his muscles are tense. Feeling own strength prompts him to rush forward and attack the offender. And the stronger his anger, the greater the need for physical action, the stronger and more energetic the person feels.

Carroll Isord, American psychologist, author of The Psychology of Emotions

Three reasons for anger

Anger is a consequence of unmet needs. Internal “permission” to express anger gives that emotion the “green light” to come out. Therefore, control over it is necessary from the first moment of its occurrence. I emphasize two points here. Anger comes out if it is allowed, and control is necessary from the first seconds of its occurrence.

Reason #1. Anger is a reaction to pain caused. This is a reaction program that has been brought to automaticity by evolution.

Reason #2. Anger is an extension of primary feelings. Feelings such as fear, sadness, guilt can be the root cause of anger.

Reason #3. Anger is a consequence of the assessment you give to the situation. If you have defined a situation as unfair or contrary to your values, anger arises.

Positive function of ANGER

Since anger is caused by unmet needs, anger helps to ensure that these needs are met. That is, anger is a release of emotional energy in order to mobilize a person to achieve a result.

My experience. For example, I get very angry when I'm hungry. For a long time I could not forgive myself for this, but after communicating with my own kind, I realized that this is a common condition for men. Now I am sure that a man who is hungry becomes angry, and this is normal. Our ancestors needed this anger in order to go hunting and get food for themselves and their family. Another question is what this energy is in modern world not as in demand as among our ancestors. The world has become different, and we need to learn to direct this energy in a constructive (creative) direction. Personally, now I always have something to eat at hand.

Five Rules for Managing ANGER

Anger is the beginning of madness.

Marcus Tullius Cicero

The issue of anger management is a matter of having the right beliefs and tools that help regulate this feeling.

If there is no external reaction, anger does not disappear. Being “swallowed”, it is transformed into resentment, irritability, apathy, etc. Psychosomatic diseases, such as hypertension or diabetes mellitus, are the two most common diseases associated with the suppression of anger. Therefore, suppressing anger or swallowing it is not the best useful way interaction with him.

Rule #1: Decide to take control of your anger. By accepting it, you signal your unconscious mind to learn how to cope with this emotion. On a conscious level, you acknowledge the fact that you have trouble dealing with your anger and need help.

Rule #2: Strengthen your self-esteem. Take any attack in your direction with interest as information useful for reflection. Playing sports serves as an excellent preventive measure, thanks to which you learn to endure pain and withstand blows.

Rule #3: Learn to recognize the warning signs of anger. These are beacons that signal that you are entering a dangerous zone. Observe yourself when you are irritated. This could be tension in the stomach, increased heart rate, clenched jaws, etc.

Rule No. 4. Learn to reinterpret the events that happen to you. If you interpret a situation as a threat, disrespect or injustice, anger will automatically turn on. It is not what happens to us that matters, but how we interpret it.

Rule #5: Lower your expectations of the people around you. Try to tell yourself more often that other people are not there to meet your expectations. A large number of problems come from our belief that everything should be the way we want it, and immediately. There are seven billion more people living on this planet with you, and you need to take this fact into account.

Anger management technology

Joke: Two friends meet. One to the other: “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. Where had you been?". He answers: “I was resting in a boarding house, treating my nerves.” - “What did you treat?” - “Nerves, damn it, healed!”!

My experience. The topic of the training was dedicated to working with anger and rage. One of the participants said that rage overwhelms him completely and he becomes unable to control himself. Recently, he got out of his car and kicked the side window of a driver who cut off his car on a turn. He understands that such a reaction is abnormal and can lead to sad consequences for him and others. We began to investigate this issue and came to his convictions. It turns out that his dominant value is justice. He applies the filter of justice to all spheres of life and he himself is guided by it as a guide. He secretly assigned himself the function of guardian and defender of justice. Every time, in his opinion, justice is violated, a huge dose of energy splashes into his body to restore the destroyed truth. This realization gave him a “YES” reaction, and he spent the next few hours in self-reflection.

Step #1: Say to yourself that you are angry. Once we recognize an emotion, we take control of it. An unconscious emotion begins to control us.

Step #2: Stop for 10 seconds! Take a few deep breaths. This simple method will help relieve tension and restore breathing. Anger tends to increase. And if you don’t stop it at the initial stage of “irritation,” it will be very difficult to do so later. As a result of the “stop,” you gain valuable time to make the right decision in the current situation.

Step #3. Put yourself in the shoes of the person who made you angry. Anger management is very much the art of compassion. Try to sincerely understand his position and behavior. The basis of any action is a positive motive. The desire to understand and accept helps to feel compassion for a person. Compassion gives us an emotional advantage and confidence.

Step #4. Now think about the best solution in this situation. Ask yourself: what decision and action would be best now? What result do I want to get with this reaction? Sometimes humor and an appropriate joke will help defuse the situation.

Step #5. Propose a solution or take an action. Be as aware as possible in the moment. Do not succumb to possible provocations and emotional attacks in your direction. You've got your anger under control and now you need to keep it within manageable limits. Speak calmly and confidently, this will increase your control over anger and reduce the other person's anger.

I have bad news: aggression in relationships will continue for a very, very long time. What took millions of years to form will not immediately disappear. There will definitely be breakdowns, but less and less often. Don't rush and don't beat yourself up for failures. Many people have dramatically changed their lives by learning just three or four of the anger management techniques I described, including me. And so can you.

Now the good news: we can develop meta-attention and learn to reduce instinctive reactions, replacing them with humanized behaviors.

Let's sum it up

1. What problems do you usually have due to uncontrolled anger?

2. What are the triggers for your anger?

3. What methods of controlling it have you already tried?

4. Which of the 12 rules described resonated with you the most?

5. Which of the six steps of anger management will be easy for you, and which will require additional work?

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