IN modern society it is important to have good manners, to be able to behave correctly in different life situations. Etiquette has many features and is a complex science. The main subtlety is that there are no clearly defined norms of behavior; everything depends on the circumstances, time and place. The rules of etiquette between a man and a girl will make communication more pleasant, and good manners will help to have a psychological impact on the partner.
What are the rules of etiquette
The concept comes from French word“etiquette”, which means a set of generally accepted rules of behavior, knowledge of the basics of politeness. There are several main types of etiquette:
- the ability to present oneself: building a wardrobe, caring for one’s appearance, physical form, gestures, postures, posture;
- speech form: ability to give compliments, greetings, gratitude, manner of speech;
- table etiquette: ability to eat, knowledge of serving standards, table manners;
- behavior in society: how to behave in an office, store, exhibition, museum, restaurant, theater, court;
- Business Etiquette: relationships with superiors, colleagues, business negotiations.
Rules of good manners for men
If a representative of the stronger sex values his reputation in society, he will always observe moderation in clothing. Shorts and T-shirts are appropriate for a family dinner or during countryside holiday. For an informal setting, sports or classic clothes are suitable, and for business meetings Tie and jacket required. As for good manners, it will not be difficult for a well-mannered man to politely nod in response to a greeting even from a stranger. How to communicate with a woman, superiors, and relatives will be discussed below.
Modern etiquette for women
The first rule for a woman is tact in all situations. Etiquette lessons involve behaving respectfully with everyone, be it your neighbor, your business partner, or your front door cleaner. If a woman likes to joke, then she should clearly determine in what situation you can allow a joke, and with whom you need to be serious. It is necessary to observe a culture of communication with the opposite sex. You should not flirt, make advances or make eyes at men you don’t know or know – this is a violation of etiquette. Politeness presupposes simple communication without intrigue, gossip and rumors.
Etiquette standards for children
Rules of behavior in society also exist for children. Future success, career, and environment will depend on the knowledge that a child receives in childhood. The most simple techniques mastering the rules of etiquette is reading fairy tales, watching cartoons, using board games on this topic, humming songs. The basic rule of politeness for a child is respect for all adults, children, and animals without exception. Everything else flows smoothly from this.
How to behave in society
Basic set of etiquette rules for men and women:
- Don't come to visit without calling. Only if you are visited without warning can you afford to meet a person in home clothes.
- Do not place your bag on a chair or on your lap. A bulky backpack can be hung on the back of a chair. A purse or small handbag is placed on the table, and if a man carries a briefcase, then it should be left on the floor.
- When meeting someone, say your name first if you are going to communicate with a group of people. Should only be served right hand.
- The passenger must sit in the back seat of the car. The most prestigious seat is the one located behind the driver.
In communication with people
A typical day for modern man includes many situations in which culture of behavior and demeanor are tested: communication in stores, on public transport, meeting colleagues, rules speech etiquette at official receptions and so on. As for the first meeting with a person, the impression is created on how well the interlocutor knows how to introduce himself. In everyday etiquette, younger people or men make acquaintances first. To make a good impression, you should always start your conversation with a smile.
How a girl should behave with a guy
Modern etiquette for girls requires knowledge of the basic rules of behavior with the opposite sex. When meeting a man for the first time, you should not throw yourself on his neck; it would be appropriate to simply extend your hand. On a date, you need to behave lightly and naturally, joke and smile, but not be offended. You can’t help but tell a man about your shortcomings or unsuccessful relationship experiences at the first meeting. There is no need to shout about the advantages either; you can mention them, but in passing.
Basic Etiquette
The rules of cultural behavior are simple: a culture of speech that has a stylistic and grammatical orientation, well-groomed appearance, attentiveness towards the interlocutor, the ability to provide a service to someone in need, to listen to the speaker. The norm of acquaintance and subsequent communication is conditional, therefore it has the nature of an unwritten agreement about what is generally accepted and what is not. Every cultured person should know and follow the rules of etiquette, understanding their necessity for society.
Good manners
A well-mannered person is immediately distinguished from the crowd. He is distinguished by knowledge of etiquette and a certain manner of behavior: voice intonation, expressions used in speech, gait, facial expressions, gestures. This is restraint, modesty, the ability to control emotions, actions, words. To correspond to the concept of a secular educated person, it is necessary to know and observe certain rules which are considered obligatory in polite society:
- when greeting, the woman is the first to offer her hand to the man;
- men greet everyone without exception while standing;
- when introducing a guest to other people (during acquaintance), they call his name, surname, patronymic (during business communication– profession);
- visiting people does not bring a bad mood, and if they are present negative emotions, then the visit should be abandoned;
- Children should not be allowed to interfere in the conversation of adults, interrupt elders, or whisper in the ear;
- No comments are made to other people's children in the presence of their parents;
- When giving gifts to people, you should be tactful, taking into account gender, age, and profession.
Dressing skills
The rules of etiquette oblige not only to know the correct manner of greeting acquaintances and strangers, be able to maintain small talk and adhere to decorum in behavior, but also correctly wear clothes appropriate for the occasion. Nothing catches the eye like colorful things. Things that are inappropriate for a man include embroidered shirts, vulgar suits, and too bright ties. Business attire should be moderately fashionable. In the morning you are allowed to wear a jacket, frock coat or suit jacket. The color should correspond to the season: light in summer, dark in winter.
The ability to dress tastefully is the first sign of a woman’s upbringing. The Encyclopedia of Etiquette contains a range of rules related to clothing, the observance of which distinguishes a real lady. Women's clothing must be consistent with the nature of the work. An image that is acceptable in a model house will not be acceptable in a brokerage office. For a business lady, a too short skirt or a low-necked blouse will not suit a business lunch or conference. If the meeting is at a resort hotel or club, you need to take several outfits that will be suitable for different situations.
How to present yourself correctly
A few more generally accepted norms of etiquette:
- you need to walk with a straight posture, toned belly and straightened shoulders;
- communication norms regarding greetings include polite words, but they are not always correct, for example, “good afternoon” should not be said to a person with an upset face;
- even unknown men should help ladies enter the premises by holding front door;
- the word “please” should be used with any request;
- Before saying goodbye to your interlocutor, you should first prepare for this: “Unfortunately, it’s too late,” and then say words of gratitude or a compliment (if it’s a woman).
Rules of etiquette when communicating
The rules of etiquette must be observed when communicating between women and men. The male representative should follow to the left of the companion and be the first to enter the restaurant. If a lady greets acquaintances, the gentleman should also greet them, even if the people are strangers to him. Without a woman's approval, a man has no right to touch her. Allowed only in moments of assistance (getting into a car, crossing the road). Smoking in the presence of another person, regardless of gender, is possible only with the permission of the interlocutor.
There are certain rules of speech behavior. So, if you are insulted in the presence of other people, you should not succumb to provocations. Get up and leave the scene. You cannot ask your interlocutor for information about his material well-being, love affairs and others personal belongings. If you invite a business partner to a meeting, do not forget about punctuality. Particular respect should be shown to people who showed generosity or came to your aid in difficult times - they were not obliged to do this.
Conversational etiquette
Rules of politeness exist in any conversation. Speech behavior is divided into written and oral forms, with the former having more stringent rules. There are several types of conversations: business, official, informal. The oral form has more simple rules, for example, instead of a verbal greeting, you can get by with a nod of the head. The ability to speak politely is to tell your interlocutor only those things that you yourself would like to hear. Basic principles conversation - correctness, brevity, accuracy, appropriateness.
How to communicate with someone on the phone
Compliance with the rules of netiquette should also be observed when communicating on the phone. During a conversation, you need to carefully monitor your intonation, since the interlocutor does not see your face and may misunderstand the meaning of the message. You should not keep the person calling; the maximum time to pick up the phone is six rings. There is no need to rush to the phone either - it is better to answer after the third ring. It is customary to call the interlocutor by name if he is familiar. If not, then it is advisable to introduce yourself first.
Good manners and business etiquette
The basic norms of behavior include the rules of business communication. But not only the speech component is important when contacting partners, body language also plays an important role. For example, when talking, you should not spread your legs wide, keep your hands in your pockets, or hunch over. Excessive gestures are also not encouraged - in order not to embarrass the interlocutor, gestures should be restrained. Pay attention to the person’s personal space – the distance should not be smaller size outstretched arm.
Household etiquette rules
Family members should be especially polite to each other. To maintain warm relationships, you need to constantly monitor the psychological climate, sincerely rejoice in the successes of loved ones, not resort to insults during quarrels, use the words “sorry”, “thank you”, “ Good morning" and others. It is necessary to respect the older generation and not read the personal notes of your children without permission.
How to behave at the table
The main rule of behavior at the table is that you cannot chew with your mouth open. Talking is also undesirable, especially when chewing food. Before you put some of the common dish on your plate, you must first offer it to the rest of those present. You should not serve your own plate first, but give the opportunity to guests or older family members to do so. When setting the table, common cutlery is placed next to each dish. The soup must be served in special bowls from the person sitting to the right.
Etiquette at a party
Receiving friends and visiting them is a good practice in the etiquette form of dating. For admission it is considered best time– dinner, but you need to invite people in advance so that they can adjust their plans. The dress code may be informal. According to etiquette, an unfamiliar guest is called everyone present by name only after his own introduction. IN friendly company You can skip serving the main course, but this is unacceptable for a business dinner. It is important to know how to use cutlery different types, even if the owners of others national traditions.
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One of the basic principles modern life is to maintain normal relationships between people and the desire to avoid conflicts. In turn, respect and attention can only be earned by maintaining politeness and restraint. But in life we often have to deal with rudeness, harshness, and disrespect for the personality of another person. The reason here is that we underestimate the role culture of human behavior, manifested in etiquette.
Etiquette culture, acting as a manifestation of a person’s general moral culture, upbringing, his internal attitude towards others, manifests itself primarily in attention And respect to other people. Therefore, one of the most necessary norms of etiquette is politeness, manifested in many specific rules of behavior: in greeting, addressing a person, in the ability to remember his name and patronymic, the most important dates of his life. Cervantes famously said: “Nothing is so cheap and nothing is valued so much as politeness” - this “sum of small sacrifices” we make to people with whom we enter into one relationship or another.
True politeness is a must friendly and sincere... It is one of the manifestations of a selfless attitude towards the people with whom we have to communicate. With some of them these relationships can turn into friendship, with others they can remain simply friendly or business relationships. But our sincere goodwill towards everyone is an obligatory tribute to politeness.
Other important “pillars” on which the rules of etiquette are based are tact And sensitivity. These noble human qualities are revealed in attention, deep respect for those with whom we communicate, in the desire and ability to understand them, to feel how we can give them pleasure, joy, or vice versa, cause irritation, annoyance, resentment. Tactfulness and sensitivity are also manifested in sense of proportion which should be observed in conversation, in the ability to sense the limit beyond which our words and actions can cause a person undeserved offense, grief, pain.
A tactful person always takes into account specific circumstances: differences in age, gender, social status, place of conversation, presence or absence of strangers. A tactful and well-mannered person behaves in accordance with the norms of etiquette not only in an official setting, but also at home. Tact and a sense of proportion tell him what can and cannot be done under certain circumstances. Such a person will never, by word or deed, offend another, or insult his dignity.
Unfortunately, there are people with a double standard of behavior: one in public, the other at home. At school, with acquaintances and friends, they are polite and helpful, but at home, with loved ones, they do not stand on ceremony, are rude and tactless. This indicates a person’s low culture and poor upbringing.
Forms of tactlessness very diverse.
Tactless in conversation:
– refuse to discuss the proposed topic without reason (“I don’t want to talk about this topic”);
– conduct conversations that can evoke difficult memories for those present and unpleasantly offend them (about illness, death, etc.);
- allow inappropriate jokes, make fun of those present, gossip about those absent;
– talk loudly in public places and transport about purely personal, intimate matters – your own and others’;
– whisper in your ear, etc.
Tactless in behavior :
– upon entering the transport, stop at the door without thinking about the remaining passengers;
– occupy several seats in transport with yourself or your luggage at once;
sit in transport, “not noticing” the women and elderly people standing in front of you;
– do not leave a passage on the metro escalator for those who are in a hurry (you should always stand on the right);
- always be dissatisfied with everything, grumble, condemn everything, make constant complaints;
behave uncontrollably own apartment, disturbing neighbors: slamming doors, turning on full power TV or radio, making noise late at night;
It is also tactless to show idle curiosity:
– look closely at a person, especially point at him or whisper about him;
– look into the windows of other people’s apartments;
- to blab other people's secrets.
Tactful behavior is also based on self-control. That's why tactless:
- act and speak in a state of anger or passion - later you may bitterly regret it;
– show your likes and dislikes too openly;
- go too far in expressing your courtesy and friendliness so that they do not turn into importunity.
Not only a sense of proportion will help you behave correctly in these situations, but also delicacy, which will tell you how to approach a person so as not to offend, not to offend him, not to touch a sore spot, but, on the contrary, to try to help him, to get him out of a difficult situation.
At the same time, delicacy should not be excessive, intrusive, turn into flattery, or lead to the praise of everything seen and heard. For example, there is no need to hide the fact that you are seeing, hearing, or tasting something for the first time, for fear that you will be considered ignorant.
A prerequisite for tact is respect for another, manifested, in particular, in the ability to listen to him, in the ability to quickly and accurately determine the interlocutor’s reaction to our statements, actions and, if necessary, self-critically, without false shame, apologize for the mistake made. This will not only not damage your dignity, but, on the contrary, will strengthen it in the eyes of people, revealing such a valuable trait of yours as modesty. After all, a modest person never strives to show himself better, more capable, smarter than others, does not emphasize his superiority, does not demand any privileges, special amenities, or services for himself.
But self-centered people, on the contrary, strive to attract attention to themselves, to squeeze forward everywhere. To this end, they condemn, ridicule, and belittle the importance of others, exalting their own merits, which often do not exist. Such people are unpleasant in society, they are no longer respected, because they lack tact and inner sensitivity, which are so necessary in communication.
At the same time, modesty should not manifest itself in timidity and shyness. On the contrary, modest people may well turn out to be quite decisive and active in critical circumstances, when defending their own opinions. But this should be done without causing internal resistance in the interlocutor and a desire to fight before the argument begins. To prove something, you need to do it so subtly, so skillfully that no one feels it. And the best way to end the misunderstanding is with a friendly, tactful remark, a sympathetic desire to understand the point of view of your opponent.
Calmness, diplomacy, a deep understanding of the interlocutor’s argumentation, well-thought-out counter-argumentation based on accurate facts - this is the solution to this contradiction between the requirements of “good form” and firmness in defending one’s opinion during discussions.
You cannot simply “learn tact” - it is acquired not only under the influence of environment and upbringing, but is also determined by the character and desire of the person himself. However, it is certainly possible to develop it.
In addition to the main principles politeness, tact, modesty there are also general rules behavior. These include, for example, "inequality" people in the field of etiquette, expressed, in particular, in the form benefits who have - remember!: - women before men,
- elders before younger ones,
– the sick before the healthy,
– boss (director, teacher) in front of subordinates.
How can this manifest itself, for example, in relation to a woman? A man, a young man, a young man must be attentive to women and girls (remember: the level of his culture and upbringing is judged by his attitude towards a woman).
If he accompanies or sees her off, he must take every possible care of her. In the theater, in a restaurant, at a party - help undress and dress, give a coat, put clothes in the wardrobe. At the door, let them go first (except for restaurant halls, where men enter first). In transport, elevators, help to get in and out (the man gets out first, giving the lady his hand). Take the heavy luggage from her or at least offer help. Always and all women, regardless of their age, give up their seat in transport. Walking up the stairs, a man lags behind a woman by 1-2 steps; going down, he walks ahead.
Thus our conversation moves from general principles of etiquette private behavioral issues.
Etiquette is changing, as society itself is changing. In the mid-50s for festive table It was considered normal to talk about illnesses and complain about spouses, but now such conversations are considered bad form. And the gender distinction of modern etiquette is being erased. Thanks to feminism, by the way. For example, previously men were required to give up their seats on public transport to all women. According to the new rules of etiquette, seats can be given to pregnant, elderly and sick people. And in Europe, they generally give up their place only when the person standing asks for it. And any initiative can be perceived as an insult. They gave in - do I look that bad?
Also, according to the old rules, a man was obliged to open doors for a woman and let her go forward. Now the door is opened by the one who goes ahead or who is stronger if the door is heavy. No matter what gender you are, please hold doors for people with limited mobility, and if this service was provided to you, be sure to thank them.
Let's go over the basic rules of etiquette that we encounter every day.
Cinema, concert, theater
It is not recommended to be late. But you can leave early, and it is advisable to do this during intermission. You should dress at your own discretion, but if we are talking about the theater - a little more elegantly than usual. If only one person bought tickets for the company, be sure to return the money to him. If you bought the tickets, don’t hesitate to ask: “Who hasn’t paid for the tickets yet?”
Going to visit
Etiquette does not advise being late and bringing someone without the consent of the owner/hostess of the house. You should not smoke without asking permission. You should treat furniture and other property with respect (for example, do not place a wet glass or hot cup on wooden surface, if you are used to doing this at home).
Restaurant/cafe
There is no need to force someone who doesn't want to drink. If they ask you, be adamant. You are not obligated to explain anything; in extreme cases, say that you are “driving” or “the doctor forbade it.”
It is considered bad manners to pester staff, even without bad intentions. A restaurant employee, in response to your flirting, useless questions and aggression, will not be able to give you a proper answer, otherwise he will be fired, and therefore will smile a forced smile and experience psychological stress.
If you were miscalculated, do not raise a scandal. Especially if you want to please your business partner or girlfriend. Call the waiter and calmly hint to make the bill more precisely. You can even indicate what you need to pay attention to.
How to distribute expenses in a large company? If all the guests are approximately equally financially secure, eat approximately equally, or the company regularly organizes joint dinners, it would be quite acceptable and correct to divide all expenses equally. If your company is diverse financially and tastefully, it is worth agreeing on separate accounts in advance. You can choose a person in charge who, after studying the account, will roughly estimate everyone’s expenses and collect money from everyone. Or the second option - he will pay for everyone and collect money from the guests outside the cafe/restaurant.
Other events
Once you receive an invitation, study it carefully. Please pay attention to the dress code and how you will be notified of your participation. Be sure to check whether you are invited alone or with your spouse. Some people mistakenly believe that if one person is named on the invitation, the spouse is automatically invited. This is fundamentally wrong. Problems may arise if you sit at a table with seating; additional tables and chairs are not provided at such events.
When you come to an event, you should present an invitation and find the hosts to exchange a few phrases. There is no point in delaying the receiving party for a long time. Next, you need to find your place at the table.
Don't let it bother you a large number of glasses - the service staff knows the order of their use and knows what drinks to pour into them. But it’s worth paying attention to the cutlery. If you see several spoons, forks and are afraid of getting confused, follow simple rule– use the utensils one at a time for each dish served, starting from the outside.
Small talk
You don't have to be a great speaker, but you do need to be able to have a pleasant conversation. In a conversation, you should not “yak” or brag about yourself, your achievements, or your circle of acquaintances. Also, you should not belittle your own merits, self-flagellate, complain about colleagues, relatives, or health.
Etiquette (and, accordingly, the psychology of business communication) advises avoiding conversations that are unpleasant and incomprehensible to the interlocutor. To win over, choose topics that are interesting to others. You can find many such topics, and it is better to talk about those that you understand.
It would be a mistake to discuss the appearance and manners of other guests, even with interlocutors whom you know well. Remember how projection works? What you say is automatically projected onto you.
You should not speak to someone in a language that is incomprehensible to others, have meaningless conversations about dreams, premonitions, or indulge in lengthy memories that are interesting only to you.
It is considered bad form to torture interlocutors about their earnings, marital status, as well as questions like: “Why are you not married?”, “Why are you not married?”, “When will you have a child?”
Jokes about someone else's last name, nationality, hair color, hairstyle, build, education and work experience are also unacceptable. As we all know, jokes of this kind are perceived by others as hidden aggression.
You should end the conversation decisively and as politely as possible: “I was pleased to meet you”, “It was very nice to chat/talk with you”, “We will definitely have to discuss this over a cup of coffee sometime”, “We will definitely have to meet again” . If you need to move on to someone else, you can say something like this: “Excuse me, I need to talk to that person over there. We will definitely return to our conversation/discuss this a little later.”
Instructions
Whether you are at a meeting, having dinner with friends, or visiting, your smartphone should remain in your pocket or purse. If you put it on the table, you thereby demonstrate your readiness to be distracted at any time by a call, notification of new messages, updating your friends’ feed, and so on. And this is a demonstration of disdain for the interlocutor.
During business negotiations, the ideal distance between interlocutors is considered to be one meter. And the distance recommended by etiquette between the boss and subordinates during meetings is about one and a half meters.
While indoors, a woman may not take off her hat or scarf, as well as gloves. However, this rule does not apply to hats and mittens. The hat can be left on your head only if your visit does not last more than ten minutes.
The bag does not belong on a chair or on your lap. A miniature elegant clutch can be placed on the table; larger bags are hung on the back of a chair or placed on the floor. According to etiquette, briefcases are placed on the floor.
IN small talk You should avoid topics that are considered taboo by etiquette and can put your interlocutor in an awkward position. These are issues of religion, politics, as well as health and finances.
You can arrange a meeting with friends via SMS messages, WhatsApp or social networks. But according to the rules of etiquette, you shouldn’t invite a girl on a romantic date in this way - you must either do it in person or call.
If in a cinema hall, theater, concert hall or sports arena your seats are in the middle of a row, and some of the seats are already occupied, you need to go to them, turning to face those sitting. In this case, the man goes first in the row, and the woman follows him.
Regardless of age or social status Women and men need to help her carry bulky bags or other large items. However, a man can carry a handbag only in one case: if his companion is unable to do so due to health conditions.
It is customary to address all people over 12 years of age as “you”; an exception is made only for relatives, friends and other people with whom you have a “special” relationship. “Poking” subordinates, waiters or people who are just a little younger - bad taste.
From the moment children stop sleeping with their parents and move to a separate room, the nursery becomes their personal space. And, if the door to the room is closed, parents must knock before entering. By the way, if this rule is strictly observed, it is much easier to teach children that it is also impossible to break into their parents’ bedroom without knocking.
Telling others that you are on a diet (especially during meals or dinners) is a gross violation of the rules of etiquette. You should not do this during feasts at a party. Even if there is nothing on the table that is allowed by the diet, just put something on the plate and be sure to praise the hostess. It is not necessary to eat.
You can dry your umbrella open only at home. In the office, umbrellas are stored folded - on a hanger or on an umbrella stand. When visiting, you can only open an umbrella to dry it out if the owners of the house themselves have suggested that you do so.
Interpersonal communication in society requires each person to comply with certain norms and rules of behavior. The rules and norms of human behavior in society are known under the concept of etiquette. The main purpose of etiquette is to protect the honor and dignity of a person when communicating in society. Historically, the norms and rules of etiquette developed a long time ago. In each state they were enshrined in special laws, the observance of which was strictly monitored.
Etiquette in society implies the unity of a person’s high internal morality with externally worthy manners. Only such harmony of the internal and external “I” makes it possible to make a person’s behavior sincere and natural.
Modern etiquette is universal and contains global rules and norms, although each nation makes its own additions to it based on national and cultural traditions.
Etiquette contains norms of behavior that regulate a person’s actions in various public places. Based on this, there are different kinds etiquette corresponding to the places where a person finds himself.
Business etiquette – regulates the rules and norms of behavior in the workplace.
Diplomatic etiquette is the rules of conduct for members of the diplomatic corps when communicating with representatives of the country in which it is located. It regulates the procedure for visits, diplomatic receptions and meetings.
Military etiquette is the rules of conduct for military personnel, defining a strict hierarchy and unquestioning adherence to the orders of senior ranks.
General civil etiquette - rules and regulations governing everyday communication between people. Respectful attitude towards elders, men towards women, between passengers in transport.
The rules of etiquette are not absolute and should be followed depending on the situation. What is unacceptable in one case may be the norm in other circumstances.
Etiquette norms are, as a rule, unwritten rules, unlike morality, but knowledge of them is an important part of the formation of a person’s internal culture. A cultured person not only accepts these rules, but also strictly follows them not only in public places, but also at home. The basis for the formation of internal etiquette is goodwill, responsibility and dignity. In addition, etiquette is impossible without tact and a sense of proportion, which should be inherent in every well-mannered person. Being friendly to people and at the same time having a sense of proportion will help you present yourself with dignity in any situation.
Thus, etiquette in society requires a person to constantly cultivate an internal culture based on a respectful attitude towards the entire society.