Diversify family celebration and corporate events will be helped by horoscopes drawn up in a humorous way. With this kind of entertainment you can give good mood to everyone present and make a “good forecast” for the coming year.
It so happened that modern man very superstitious. In pursuit of a good life, prosperity, respected position and family happiness, he often relies on the “will of the stars” and magic. And that's not bad at all!
By psychologically setting yourself up for good changes in, it is quite possible to achieve victories in Everyday life! The main thing is to believe and make efforts. A comic horoscope, unlike a regular one, is drawn up in a humorous form.
Such an astrological forecast can be in prose or written in verse. Poems, by the way, are more easily and positively perceived by people at an event, at any feast and at any holiday.
Feature of the humorous - gently hint about the shortcomings of a certain zodiac sign and “generously predict” good changes in the coming or coming year. Such “instruction” will definitely make every guest present smile and leave him with pleasant memories.
IMPORTANT: A comic horoscope, as a rule, is compiled on the basis of a real one, created by astrologers. But, it is written in a more understandable language, in simple words and added with wishes.
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aries men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
As they say, Aries is “still a ram.” And there is a share in this undeniable truth! Next year, Aries will be faced with a number of unpredictable situations that could confuse the “curly” ones. Be careful, don’t lean your horns into difficulties and try to overcome them! Being too stubborn is unlikely to help you achieve your desired goals. In the year of the Rat, Aries should relax a little and let the situation go, as they say, “with the flow.” This will allow you not only to relax, but to organize any business in such a way that it ends to your benefit!
For women:
If the Aries man is a “ram”, then the woman is a “baroness”. And this is not just a play on words! In the new year 2020, sheep women will be especially attractive and irresistible. Many of them will find “female happiness” thanks to the tenacity and frenzy with which they will strive to achieve what they want. In addition, if you are an Aries woman and have any acting skills, the horoscope wants you to pretend to be stupid from time to time for the same good purposes!
In verse:
Aries is a sign of “stubbornness” and arrogance,
Every little thing pisses them off!
To make life “sweet”
Drink without reserve on this holiday!
Aries need a lot of space
So that the house is not crowded,
On the robot, in the garage
And of course in the shower!
Aries celebrates the New Year
With an open soul:
Let the “barn” be full,
There are oats and grass in the bins!
Horoscope wishes for Aries
Be calmer and more gentle
So that the soul is calm,
Life would be more fun!
Happy New Year for Aries
He will definitely come to the house,
A new broom of bad weather
It will sweep it up and carry it away!
Comic New Year's horoscope 2020 for Aries women and men: poems Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Taurus men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Taurus, like stubborn Aries, should“relax and slow down” a little. It is excessive tension and the desire to help everyone, everywhere and always, that destroys restless “bulls” and “chicks”, preventing them from getting the desired maximum from life. In the year of the Rat, Taurus will be especially vulnerable to difficulties and problems arising both on the love and professional fronts. In order for any outcome of the case to be positive and kind, do not hesitate to ask for help from loved ones. At the moment when life “shows a red rag” to Taurus, one should not accelerate and run to bright color, but close your eyes tightly and just let “things take their course.” And without you, Taurus, others will figure it out just fine!
For women:
Taurus women need to be in the new year be especially careful with the words spoken and expressed emotions. The fact is that the year of the Rat will allow the ladies of this Zodiac to be, so to speak, excited and not very mentally balanced. To avoid problems in relationships and at work, you need to “keep in check” your attacks of jealousy, rage and the desire to help everyone!
In verse:
Calm and peace to Taurus
I wish you a good horoscope,
So that life is easy and beautiful,
The problems “didn’t lead to death.”
More Taurus this year
The horoscope wishes you well,
So that there is a Porsche under the window,
So that there is a lump of dough under the mattress!
To Taurus on this New Year
Love and inspiration will come,
Fate will bring good luck,
Calm, peace!
Taurus is strong and powerful,
And into the new year our horoscope
Wishes only a better life,
May you be incredibly lucky!
In the New Year's horoscope
And Taurus has a prediction:
Those who are single and free,
They will find recognition in love!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Gemini men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Gemini is a special sign. Gathered in this sign put together several best qualities person: curiosity, prudence, wisdom, thirst for knowledge and development. Along with this, in the new year 2020 they should protect themselves from talkativeness, boasting and boringness. The horoscope advises Gemini to read, write, think more, but not speak out loud, otherwise the sign risks losing a number of important people in life. If you can’t talk about a new event, talk to the mirror or write!
For women:
There will be no Gemini for women in 2020 some special emotional outbursts, changes and fateful events. The Year of the Rat promises to be “fun” and full of pleasant little things: a new fur coat, a ring, a meeting with an old friend, who has also gained a lot over the past few years. Just live, as they say, “for yourself” and please your loved ones. Avoid gossip, and “bite your tongue” yourself if you want to retell the news you heard!
In verse:
Gemini, you are nonsense,
Refrain from sin!
Be quieter and wiser
To make life kinder!
The horoscope wishes you
Good-natured Geminis,
Eat a lot, listen more,
Don't talk about trifles!
New Year for Gemini:
Dear ladies and men,
Promises to be good.
Clap your hands loudly!
So that there is a lot of happiness,
Gemini is dear in the year
This one will be without barriers,
No problems, adversities, losses!
May Gemini this year
Having fun and frolicking.
May fate bring them
Lots of joy and happiness!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Cancer men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
For Cancer men, the Year of the Rat promises small, but very pleasant changes in life. Firstly, this is wealth, it will “flow into your hands” slowly but very confidently. Secondly, you risk meeting “your soulmate” in this world, if you haven’t already. “Crawl out of your shell” more often, don’t be afraid to communicate with people, don’t close yourself off from your loved ones, and 2020 will be a very interesting year!
For women:
Cancer women will finally have a chance in 2020 feel needed, important, loved. The main thing is not to lose calm, self-confidence and harmony between soul and body. Speaking about the body, it is worth noting that in the year of the Rat, Cancers will experience incredible emotional uplift and any illness, as well as depression, will not “catch on” and ruin your mood.
In verse:
Cancers, you're in luck!
This year is a happy one for you!
The horoscope wishes you,
To be desired and beautiful!
In this year, Cancers need to know in general:
Wealth is not hidden in chests or money.
Wealth hides in the soul, in family, in friends,
They will help in right time and they won’t let you go to waste!
Cancers will have incredible luck in 2020!
They will find peace, wealth and love.
They will meet happiness along the way many times!
There will be plenty of joy, food and wine!
Cancers can have fun
Sing loudly, joke, dance.
Happiness rushes towards them in the New Year,
To hug everyone!
Happy holiday, Cancer!
The New Year promises you everything:
Lots of happiness and reasons to cry
Only from joy and trifles!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Leo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
Male lions inspire fear by their very appearance and respect for all other zodiac signs. They have the same attitude towards life: they let someone close, they “sharpen their claws” about others. The New Year 2020 for Leo will be very successful and lucky. The Year of the Rat will completely obey Leo and bring him many pleasant emotions!
For women:
Women-Lionesses, like men, will have luck in literally everything in 2020: they will rise “ career ladder”, will meet a worthy man, gain health and be incredibly attractive. The Year of the Rat will bring “fatal pussies” a lot of profit, both in terms of “prey” and a new fur coat, boots, beads and earrings!
In verse:
2020 will be an easy year
It will be bright and happy!
He will bring health to the lions,
Inspiration and strength!
Leos will be pleasantly surprised
A successful year is coming for them!
In it they will “get drunk with happiness”
“Luck will come to their house.”
Fate promises all Leos and Lionesses
Good luck getting drunk this year
“Catch a star”, have luck,
And all victories without exception!
To lions, as rulers of the world,
The year wishes to be happy!
So that the house is full,
So that there is peace in your soul!
Horoscope wishes for Lionesses
To be real queens
And Leos have great wealth,
May life be simple and “smooth”!
Predictions for Leo Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Virgo men and women for the new year 2019-2020
For men:
As you know, Virgo men are real “narcissists”. That is why in 2020, the horoscope predicts many difficulties for them, primarily with the fact that they are not able to “understand and love their neighbor.” The Year of the Rat promises to be not easy, and in order to achieve the desired results, Virgo will have to, as they say, “press on the gas” and make every effort.
For women:
Virgo women will feel like real queens in 2020! Of course, all the grace will not just fall from the sky on them and in order to please yourself with excellent results in the professional or personal sphere, you will need hard work and faith in yourself. Virgos should also begin to limit themselves in everything in 2019-2020: candy, gentlemen, spoken words. This will help you gain respect and recognition from others.
In verse:
Horoscope wishes for Virgos
Big and small victories!
Enter the New Year with confidence,
He will protect you from harm!
Seductive virgin beauties
The New Year will bring only joy!
Let life be the way you like it,
It will turn into sweetness for you!
To the wise and beautiful Virgos
New Year wishes boldly
Be successful in everything
And there was no reason for the troubles!
Virgos - zodiac sign,
New Year wishes you happiness!
So that goodness surrounds,
So that love does not disappear!
Smile wider, Virgos,
You are the happiest in the world!
There is no more beautiful person in this world
And throughout our entire planet!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Libra men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year 2020, Gemini men should devote time not only for self-development, but also for your appearance. Therefore, do not hesitate to get a membership to the gym, spa area or sauna. Being beautiful is not a sin! In addition, try to always be closer to your family, do not hesitate to be boring and intrusive, just show your interest in what is happening.
For women:
In the year of the Rat, women of the Libra sign will “fly in the clouds.” That is why they will often not be on time always and everywhere. In order for your affairs to go well and end with the desired outcome, you should stock up on perseverance and constantly “slap yourself on the cheeks” in order to return to reality. In the New Year, be sure to devote a lot of time to your beauty and health, and take care of your loved ones.
In verse:
Smile, all men,
If there is a Libra nearby.
These women are beautiful
Dream come true!
New Year will give Libra
There are many reasons to be happy.
He will leave it under the Christmas tree
Gifts, kisses and hugs!
Huge adventures for Libra
Will add a new year to life,
So that there are no disappointments,
He will bring you good luck!
The stars have now decided:
In the new fabulous year
Libra will receive strength as a gift,
Warmth, love, family comfort!
Libra has big changes
The likelihood of them is so high
All the best will happen without a doubt
Life will be bright and easy!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Scorpio men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Scorpio men will have to really try keep your thoughts and emotions in harmony with your body. This “poisonous” zodiac sign will be especially vulnerable and excited in 2019-2020. That is why you should refrain from scandals, quarrels and divorces. On the other hand, the year is very successful for making money, and therefore it is best to direct your energy to improving your financial condition.
For women:
Like men, Scorpio women in 2019-2020 They will be real “hysterics”. Ladies should very skillfully hide their real emotions and feelings so as not to spoil their relationships with everyone around them. The year promises many romantic and love encounters, which in turn does not interfere with Scorpio’s existing marriage.
In verse:
Scorpios are good:
Lots of money and soul!
The horoscope tells the sign
Just cry with happiness!
In the year 2020 to all Scorpios,
A lot of changes are coming:
In work, relationships and at home.
Try to avoid problems!
Scorpios urgently need
Lots of exciting changes.
Horoscope wishes friendship
Solve your problems!
For life to be successful,
Scorpios, try your best.
Horoscope wishes: tenderly
Smile at problems!
2020 is knocking on your door,
His time has now come.
Now good things will happen
Happy New Year with Scorpio!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Sagittarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Sagittarius men “risk” being lucky in the new year and happy, they have every chance for this. The main thing is not to lose your luck on the way to happiness. In the professional and personal spheres, everything will be very smooth and quite “even” - without losses and disappointments. Smile more at the world around you and everything will be fine!
For women:
Sagittarius women should definitely“catch luck by the tail”, and then hide it in yourself and not let it go. If ladies make an effort in the year of the Rat, they will definitely gain recognition, find true love and climb the career ladder high, high.
In verse:
“Let Sagittarius live well” -
Astrological forecast advises.
Let them rest body and soul,
Let them not shed hot tears in vain!
Heaven wishes for a Sagittarius man
Be a true champion of the ladies.
Let life not hit you in the face with a glove,
Give way to dreams and deeds!
Let Sagittarius' dreams come true,
Let your wishes come true!
Astrologers wish Sagittarius beauty,
Good luck, joy, love charm!
Sagittarians are the favorites of luck,
Let it be this way and not otherwise!
And the New Year will give into winter
To them happiness and happy love!
The stars predicted joy
A gift for all Sagittarius.
Life will be like sweetness for them,
Every day is cheerful and bright!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Capricorn men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
In the new year, Capricorn men should finally understand what they want in their life: love, family or a big career leap. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to get everything at once, and therefore all your strength should be directed in only one direction. The year is good for searching for yourself, muse and space. However, if you fly too far, you risk losing touch with reality, that is, ruining your relationships with others.
For women:
Capricorn women will become real muses for their men, admirers and admirers. The year promises ladies to be filled with beauty, harmony and purity. Each representative of this zodiac sign “risks” falling in love completely by accident and very deeply. IN financially, Capricorns will be very vulnerable and wasteful.
In verse:
In the year 2020 Capricorns
The stars wish to be themselves,
Along your life paths
Walk with a happy destiny!
Lucky all Capricorns
Good comes to their house
Happy New Year,
There will be no trouble!
Luck and prosperity is knocking,
To the homes of all Capricorns in the New Year.
Let a good fairy tale happen
Dreams will not be a sweet dream!
Astrologers wish you harmony,
Find strength and love within yourself.
The year for Capricorns promises to be calm,
And the feelings will excite the blood!
Capricorns are incredibly lucky
The year will be pleasant and happy.
Men's pockets will be full,
Well, the women will turn out to be beautiful!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Aquarius men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
The New Year will be very calm for Aquarius men and measured. Practically, not a single event can disturb the peace of mind of men and prevent them from achieving their desired goals. In the personal life of Aquarius, there is an abundance of romantic meetings, tender feelings and only pleasant changes.
For women:
Women of this zodiac sign are quite frivolous., but at the same time romantic and dreamy. The Year of the Rat promises them an abundance of love affairs and only positive changes. But, at the same time, you should not “drown in the abyss of your dreams,” so as not to lose touch with reality.
In verse:
Aquarians will feel
Have fun, wait and believe,
What in their life is like in a fairy tale
Happiness will knock on the door!
For Aquarius, New Year is a favorite holiday,
He gives them the warmth of loved ones.
Astrologers promise you only joy,
Luck - it will just walk through your door!
Astrological predictions
They wish Aquarius to be wiser,
Make decisions with a smile in your heart,
May your dreams come true as soon as possible!
Horoscope wishes for Aquarius
A lot of bright, love joys,
So that the love in the soul does not fade away,
And my soul was as light as snow!
Comic horoscope in verse and prose for Pisces men and women for 2019-2020
For men:
Pisces men will “swim calmly” all year round with the flow” and float past problems, failures and disappointments. This year, the strong half of humanity will definitely meet “their fish” and find family happiness. In the year of the Rat, don’t expect any strong “career ups”, but this is far from bad.
For women:
The main thing for Pisces women in the year of the Rat is not to look stupid and do not create too negative an impression of yourself. Be active and cheerful, laugh in the face of failures and problems. In your personal life, the year promises positive changes, for example, a new lover or a marriage proposal!
In verse:
Let Pisces sail to their luck
Happy new colorful year!
Let complex problems be solved,
And life will not throw Pisces into the frying pan!
Pisces are very silent
Pisces love silence.
Wishes for the New Year to Pisces
Horoscope “to catch your dream”!
So that Pisces have fun and joy,
Astrologers foretell them:
Relax, eat sweets,
The stars foretell love for you!
Video: “Comic Horoscope for 2020 for friends”
Nowadays it is hardly possible to find a person who has not read horoscopes. But in our age of science, not everyone trusts astrology, although in many ways it turns out to be accurate. But the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs may well interest even the most hardened skeptics. While reading humorous horoscopes you can pass the time, have fun in the company and even learn the basics of astrology. A light humorous form, aptly emphasizing the main qualities of each sign, is quite helpful in this interesting matter.
Aries
All cool characteristics The signs of the zodiac agree on one thing: you won’t be able to find a more stubborn debater than this capricious and stubborn lamb.
Aries hates everyday routine, but he will be happy to hang around and give out his innovative ideas incessantly. It's almost impossible to force him to do something he doesn't want to do. But there is one little trick. Say that the other person will do it better. At this point, Aries will smash itself into pieces to prove its leadership and superiority.
The fiery nature of Aries is marked by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. In terms of the time that this person is willing to spend on conquering the object of his passion, he has no equal. A ram, he is also a ram in Africa, going straight through the jungle. Aries in this matter can even be called a rocket - he acts instantly, assertively, and it is simply unrealistic to get rid of his advances. “You are attractive, I am damn attractive, so why waste time” - this is his motto in love.
Taurus
Here he is, a worthy competitor to Aries in terms of stubbornness. This will be confirmed to you not only regular horoscopes, but also any funny characteristic of the zodiac signs. Moreover, to the enviable tenacity comes as a “bonus” fierce conservatism. Try to get a Taurus to throw out some of the outdated household trash and you will understand. Whether it’s a damaged CD, a notebook left over from school, or torn sneakers, it doesn’t matter. For him, all these things are valuable. And Taurus are also terrible bores: listening to their endless teachings, you can not only fall asleep, but also snore.
Representatives of this constellation are closed individuals. It's easier to talk to a wall than to talk to a Taurus. At least you'll hear a hum when you knock on it. In the case of Taurus, the afterlife silence and ringing silence will remain.
Taurus's attitude towards love is the same as towards things - than more money and the time he spent pursuing you, the more valuable you will be to him. And don’t expect originality in courtship - Taurus’s conservatism also extends to amorous matters.
Twins
They are easy in deeds and thoughts. The twins are from that breed of people who will advocate “for any kind of kipish, except for a hunger strike.” As noted by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, in terms of date of birth and character, these individuals fully correspond to eccentric individuals who have a whole company of winds walking in their heads.
Gemini's love of chatter is truly catastrophic for those who are not Geminis themselves. They can not stop talking for many hours, completely oblivious to the reactions of others. It seems that even at his own wake, Gemini will rise from the coffin and tell the fainting guests an appropriate joke on the topic.
The laziness of these individuals is as legendary as their conversational skills. Due to the reluctance to delve into a topic and study it for a long time, they superficially describe this or that phenomenon, picking up a little of everything. The ideal profession for them is one that will help them earn a million instantly and without unnecessary movements. Oh yes, Geminis need a lot of money, because they spend it as easily and naturally as they chat on the phone.
Cancer
The natures are intelligent, soft and romantic, even if they look like a stale loaf, a brutal lout or an uncouth hillbilly. When watching non-children's films of an erotic nature, they always secretly hope that in the end the main characters will get married.
A funny characterization of the zodiac signs compares Cancers to their namesakes from the animal world. Like them, representatives of this constellation, if they take a careful step forward, then immediately run back. They are indecisive types who, because of their caution, are afraid to even change - you never know what’s on the other person’s mind.
It is undesirable to joke sparklingly in the presence of Cancer, because these people are sentimental and can get upset even because of light humor directed at them or their loved ones. Satire about animals is a strict taboo. They would rather survive an earthquake and tsunami than endure dark humor about unfortunate dogs and cats. You should also joke about love affairs more carefully and preferably in a romantic way - then Cancer will tell the story that amused him to everyone for a long time.
a lion
The one and only He is proud and majestic, even if he finds himself locked in a zoo cage. The wild cries of nearby animals do not interest him - he is an important person and demonstrates this in every possible way. If we consider the main characteristics of the zodiac signs, the funny description highlights the royalty of this person, whose arrogance, it seems, no trouble can knock down.
What is good for Leo himself is not very fun and pleasant for his loved ones, because he requires treatment worthy of his status. In his opinion, those around him should be glad that His Highness is nearby. The lion's aura is capable of eclipsing everything around with its radiance, painting even a muddy swamp with all the colors of the rainbow.
However, sometimes the whirlpool of events that Leo generates around himself may end up with something completely different from what he would like. What can you do, such is the strength of the royal will. Do you want to recognize a Leo in your environment? Listen to the manner of conversation: the use of the pronoun “I” by this type will exceed all possible limits. Not such a bad quality in our age for a person who wants to make a dizzying career, would you agree?
Virgo
A true proof that appearances can be deceiving are the representatives of this constellation. It would seem that when we hear the word “virgin,” our imagination pictures us of a sweet, fragile and vulnerable creature who sits at home doing needlework. Astrologers who compose the characteristics of the zodiac signs disagree with this idea. The funny irony of fate is that in reality things are “a little” different. Instead of a sensitive friend who supports you during difficult times, a comrade in all your endeavors, Virgo can easily turn out to be... serial killer. Yes, yes, statistics claim that most maniacs were born under this zodiac sign (what else can you expect from such neat and tidy people?).
Virgo can easily use her ability to adapt to the environment and always be an emphatically polite and correct person to achieve the desired goal. Before you even have time to blink an eye, she’s already sitting right hand from the director. But he will never show sympathy to the object of his love until he is convinced of the reciprocity of feelings and prospects. But then, even having received a refusal, he will wait patiently: suddenly something will change.
Scales
Whatever the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs, over the years and months they all precisely determine one thing: this sign fully lives up to its name. Libra people are constantly in search of mental balance, and therefore do not pay any attention to the material world. Let someone else deal with everyday problems, be it cooking, washing or cleaning, while Libra has more sublime things to do.
People of this sign are always thrown in different directions. Having quickly caught fire with a new idea, they will throw all available resources into making it happen. They will involve a lot of people and create an event of national scale, but halfway through they will get tired of it all. They will quietly move away, leaving others to clean up the mess they have made.
Libra's inconstancy also extends to love affairs. Moreover, this state is so familiar to them that after betrayal they will not even be tormented by their conscience. They are not at all attempting to destroy the family, but they are having an affair. This means they are worthy of forgiveness.
Scorpion
These are real poisonous infections. Funny characteristics of the zodiac signs in poetry and prose glorify their ability to break the hearts of everyone who comes within sight. We must thank for this the natural charm of Scorpios and their ability to seduce. This sign has the ability to constantly fall in love with someone, and every time “to the grave.” The object of attention will immediately be confronted with this fact. It’s unlikely that you will be able to get away from Scorpio’s original advances, and you won’t even want to - he is a subtle psychologist and will certainly be able to find a path to the heart of his beloved (or lover).
Scorpios are leaders from birth and are smart beyond their years. If a representative of this sign has chosen a goal for himself, then no matter how difficult it is to achieve, he will go towards it with fundamental stubbornness. And even if you have to destroy everything that gets in your way, this will not stop Scorpio. But build new world after the chaos caused, he will be just as enthusiastic.
Sagittarius
People of this zodiac sign always achieve their goals, even if this does not happen right away. A funny description of the zodiac signs advises looking at their symbol: everything will immediately become clear. Only if others get what they want thanks to perseverance and hard work, Sagittarius is helped in this by a fair wind, which directs the fired arrows exactly to the bull's eye.
By nature, Sagittarians are true philanthropists. They are always trying to take pity on everyone and feed the suffering (and it doesn’t matter what the recipients themselves think). Their motto is “who else but me?” Employers take advantage of this. Well, Sagittarius won’t mind if you load him with a lot of work. You just need to hint that it is very important for the company that everything gets done. And how exactly - Sagittarius himself will be able to find a way.
But you shouldn’t openly offend Sagittarius. No, they are not vindictive at all, just evil, and they have an excellent memory. They will remind you of all the misunderstandings starting with kindergarten. And, in general, they will easily speak the truth to your face, at the risk of getting punched in your own face.
Capricorn
This is a pendulum man who always balances between two extremes, as stated by the funny characteristics of the zodiac signs. Children of this sign are characterized by adult seriousness and thoroughness. Capricorn does not part with these qualities even in old age. He throws himself headlong into work, as if into a pool, and it will be simply unrealistic to get him out. He will spend all his soul and physical strength even for a task that is obviously impossible. However, if Capricorn is impatient to go on a spree, then he will devote himself completely to this activity, having uncontrollable fun until complete degradation. It is possible to save him from a sad fate only if he manages to divert attention to something more interesting.
Capricorns are incorrigible pessimists. If he is convinced that everyone around him is a creeping bastard who has come to success over his head or through his bed, then even if he has a stake on his head, he still won’t be convinced.
Aquarius
Verbose spills out of Aquarius like water from a tap. If anyone is able to withstand this flow for a long time and even be an interesting conversationalist, it’s Gemini. Perhaps we can still argue who will talk to whom in the end.
Love for Aquarius is, first of all, romance: walks under the moon, seeing the dawn. Get ready to conquer ancient ruins shrouded in secrets with him - this is an indispensable attribute of courtship for him. According to the cool characteristics of the zodiac signs, such a person has no equal in poetry and serenades. Aquarius women are accustomed to following the dictates of their hearts. If it tells you that you should be together, wait for her on the doorstep with your suitcases.
What do Aquarians value most? Of course, They are ready to build a three-meter wall around themselves, as long as no one touches them, if they want to be alone. And no siege will help - Aquarius has made the necessary supply of cookies and will live for a long time and not bother in his cozy little world.
Fish
If anyone is capable of creating an alternative fictional reality out of nothing for themselves and those around them, it is Pisces. Moreover, for them the fantasy world will be as real as our usual one. They can easily convince anyone of this. Baron Munchausen, for example, according to the characteristics of the zodiac signs, is an inexperienced and timid fry, a faded egg.
Ask this person for anything - to water flowers in your absence, to write a diploma for you - he will certainly hurt himself, but will fulfill the request. He's such an altruist, there's nothing you can do about it. In love, Pisces are shy and cautious; they will beat around the bush for a long time before taking a step forward. “Vanilla” is about them: sad sighs, touching gifts, awkwardness and tears at night, and, most importantly, all thoughts are only about him (or about her). So if you are ready to take the Pisces who is in love with you and lead her by the elbow in the right direction(and then push you forward all your life) - go for it.
Sometimes you have to step away from serious reality and accept all life circumstances with a huge amount of humor. There are categories of people who are not offended. Please do not take such frivolous things seriously. begins his humorous march.
Astrologer's advice: The different level and quality of a person’s education greatly affects the way in which various qualities are manifested. The upbringing of people also makes its mark on the characteristics of various properties of behavior.
Aries. A ram is also a ram in Africa. He is confident that he is right, he always knows what it costs, and arguing with him is at your own loss. Rams (in the sense of Aries) are very honest herd animals. If someone looks bad, he will say so directly. IN real life He is of little use, but he gives advice to everyone. Free, at that.
Astrologer's advice: It happens that there is a rare opportunity to completely correct your personal life in good side, is given only once in a lifetime. Don't miss it - order it and find out how soon luck will be in your hands!
Calf. Typical cuckold. The other half of him tries very hard for him to maintain his brand. He has a lot of stubbornness, he is boring and greedy, but serious because he thinks for a long time. His health is excellent. He doesn’t like new people, and can’t stand old ones, but he loves his friends, and not only artiodactyls.
Twins. Twin brothers just have different fathers. This is about them. The left hemisphere of the brain of this sign always contradicts the right. Light, ephemeral and airy, they cannot finally decide on the choice of their soulmate: everything is not theirs, and everything is not right. But they are fun and interesting.
Astrologer's advice: Note that for detailed characteristics, it is necessary to correct the information taking into account the date, time and place of birth. Refined data will help you better understand yourself or understand other people.
Cancer. The second syllable of the word "fool". Although, however, this is not about him. Disgusting and cowardly, suspicious and annoying. A drunkard and a philosopher - that's all about him. He makes friends with Taurus and Virgo and talks with them about the end of the world. And they tolerate him out of pity.
A lion. Maybe I'll get a kick out of this comic horoscope according to zodiac signs. Kill - it won’t kill, but there will be a lot of roar. He is so selfish that he believed in the inviolability of his royal person. The weapon against him is sweet flattery. Atomic bomb I'm powerless here.
Astrologer's advice: We invite you to look at horoscopes for the month and year for all zodiac signs. The forecast will help you accept correct decision for any questions. Interesting and useful. Go to .
Virgo. She is very fond of law and order and woe to anyone who breaks them. He'll knock right away. But she is useful in housekeeping: she can wash and clean. So, you can live with her, but not for long - she will plague you with her pedantry and neatness.
Scales. These are great aesthetes who, putting clean socks and freshly brewed coffee on one cup, will choose the second option. They often get sick and if anyone wants to work as a vest or a nurse, then you are welcome!
Astrologer's advice: In order to comprehend and better understand the character and qualities of a zodiac sign, you need to get to know it from many sides and the category will help you with this.
Scorpion. Sexually preoccupied, hysterical egoist. He loves money even more than himself, but he doesn’t steal it, he earns it. Loves to do minor mischief and cause serious problems. Similar to Ram, only waterfowl.
Sagittarius. He is always right, this is an axiom. And if he is wrong, then this is a theorem. A sociable and cheerful centaur, shooting at hearts left and right. Whoever is not his friend yet, let him get in line.
Astrologer's advice: Eastern horoscope, the same thing has a strong impact on the resource inherent in people when they are born. You can read more on our resource in the category.
Capricorn. He works a lot, and not with his horns and hooves, but with his head and hands. Woe to those who perceive Capricorn as the darling and soul of the company. He loves to butt heads, don't get into trouble.
Aquarius. I can’t give anything good advice to myself, but to others, please! Prison is his second home, because his relationship with the law does not work out. He is afraid of only one thing - old age.
Astrologer's advice: Relationships between loved ones often depend on the constellation of birth. Compatibility of signs is an educational section in astrology. You can find out about the relationship in the section -.
Fish. Complete comic horoscope according to zodiac signs. What can you do, this is their fate - to drag along behind everyone all their lives. Where should they go? They are not interested in money, but in the aquarium they will be fed anyway. For free.
Each holiday is good and interesting in its own way. But usually at any holiday it all comes down to the fact that almost 99% of the attention is paid to the hero of the occasion: the hero of the day or the newlyweds or the birthday boy. What about the guests? They came to have fun and have fun! We haven't forgotten about them and have prepared an interesting game block: a comic astrological forecast for guests at the anniversary. This forecast can be presented in different ways. The most obvious option is for an astrologer to come out and read out his forecast for each guest or zodiac sign. A gypsy can also come out, but here questions arise - where is the gypsy so smart that she understands astrology? Therefore, a gypsy would not be very appropriate in such a block. The third option is reading astrological forecast the presenter himself. This is in case it is not possible to make a scene with changing clothes. There may be other options, but they are not so obvious. How to display this number is up to you. Below we will provide you with some humorous predictions that you can use on anniversaries.
Comic horoscope 1.
The first version of the comic horoscope is written by the guests themselves. Everything here is quite simple, but interesting. Everyone knows a game called missing adjectives. And in this game we will skip the names of the guests. You need to come up with a forecast that does not include names. Then, at the celebration, you ask the hero of the day to take turns calling the names of all the guests who are present at the celebration. And enter the names into the forecast one by one. Next, read out what happened.
Example of a letter with guest names missing:
“Today (the date of the anniversary, the stars predict for us a great festive evening! It will end differently for everyone, but everyone will be happy. At 19 o’clock Jupiter will eclipse the sun and at this time (guest’s name) will go to rest under the table. Two minutes later, when the sun will emerge from under the shadow of Jupiter (guest's name) and join the vacationer under the table.
At 19.25 the moon will appear in the sky. At that very moment (guest's name) with the words - I'm going to sleep! – falls face first into a plate of salad. When the Ursa Minor appears in the sky, (guest's name) will begin to look for a warm place to rest and will find it on the large and cozy chest of (guest's name).
As soon as the clock strikes 20 o'clock, a musical break will begin. And (guest's name) will be the first to go out onto the dance floor and show a master class. After his dance (name of guest) shouting - Bravo! – will run onto the stage and perform a wild dance with elements of striptease. When (guest's name) sees this, he will scream - oh my God! This is the best thing I've seen in my life!
In twenty minutes. When the big bear appears in the sky, the dancing guests will calm down and sit down in their seats. At the same time (guest's name) will shout loudly - I demand the continuation of the banquet! - He will drink a glass of vodka and carefully lay his head on the table, as if on a pillow.
The evening will end with all the stars appearing in the sky, and under their influence (guest’s name) and (guest’s name) will sing a duet song - Mom Luda, come on, come on, come on! And the rest of the guests will film them on their phones to show the clip tomorrow morning and make fun of them!”
Here's an option you can try. You can change the text or come up with your own. It is important to remember here that all people are different, and if you know that someone might be offended, then it is better not to include their name in the forecast.
Comic forecast 2.
The following forecast is for guests the morning after the holiday. This forecast is called the hangover forecast!
So, Dear guests! Just a moment of attention. Today we all go out and have fun. But none of you thinks about the consequences, doesn’t think about what will happen to each of you tomorrow morning. But our astrologer already knows everything, and will tell you what will happen to each of you tomorrow morning.
Aries - the morning will start very badly for you. Approaching the mirror, you will see that your rounded horns have straightened and are preventing you from going through the doors.
Taurus - don’t think that if you drank before the holiday Activated carbon, then everything will be fine with you. You will see this coal again, and you will understand that everything is very bad.
Gemini – don’t be surprised, but in the morning you will wake up with a person who is exactly like you!
Cancers - and you will learn to quickly crawl backwards from each glass, remembering this evening and your screams - pour it, drink it!
Leos - in the morning you will make such a roar that your neighbors will each bring you bottles of cold mineral water.
Virgos – don’t go to the mirror in the morning. Otherwise, you risk not recognizing yourself and fainting out of fear.
Libra - tomorrow morning will begin with you weighing and figuring out how much a normal person can drink, and how much you drank.
Scorpio – as soon as you wake up, you will immediately have a hangover. Otherwise, you will sting everyone with your sting all day long.
Sagittarius – it’s better to leave money in advance for tomorrow. Otherwise, you will shoot them at passers-by because they have a hangover.
Capricorns - a surprise awaits you in the morning - you will have new horns.
Aquarius - in the morning you will have guests who will want to continue the banquet with you.
Pisces - and you will be ashamed of this evening and your behavior. All tomorrow you will be silent, like a fish.
Horoscope 3.
And this horoscope is the shortest in the world! But this makes it even funnier and the guests will definitely like it. And so, let's look:
Horoscope 4.
And this is a rather bold horoscope, it is erotic! But nevertheless, it’s funny and the guests will like it. So that this horoscope goes off with a bang. Do this:
- name your zodiac sign and guests under this sign come to you. Romantic music turns on, they dance, and then you read out the horoscope:
Horoscope 5.
And another horoscope - alcoholic!
The same can be done in a special way. You name the zodiac sign and the guests under that sign stand up. They pour glasses and you read out their horoscope, after which these guests drink. It turns out interesting and funny:
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Of course, a comic horoscope based on zodiac signs has a right to life. Some people believe that such horoscopes are unreliable, however, by reading short, sparkling characteristics, they recognize themselves and their friends.
Exactly cool horoscope according to the signs of the zodiac, he calls things by their proper names. If you have a sense of humor, read it!
Cool horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the element of Fire
The Ram is always right, he knows the price of everything, it’s easier to shoot him than to argue. Impeccably honest. If a suit doesn’t suit you or you’re overweight, he’ll tell you honestly about it. In everyday life he is usually useless, but he generates brilliant ideas to match Sagittarius.
Leo - cool horoscope according to zodiac signs
People are divided into two types - those close to them and everyone else. He is an egoist, but he is forgiven for his holy belief in his own impeccability. The best in everything! He makes it clear to his marriage partner that it came to him along with the status of the lion’s chosen one. Unarmed in the face of flattery, with the help of which one can twist ropes out of the Leo zodiac sign.
Sagittarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign
Sagittarius readily expresses his opinions even when he is advised to hold his tongue. But the mouth of the Sagittarius zodiac sign does not close, because his personal opinion should become the truth for everyone. A lucky sign in life! Sagittarius has a lot of friends who, if something happens, will not let him disappear.
Comic horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the Earth element
More stubborn than Aries, just stubborn, but not an innovator, boring and greedy. It doesn't have this charming sheepish indifference and... The zodiac sign Taurus is an unsurpassed slow-witted person. Lustful. Constant in affections. Distrustful and wary of new people, but will stand up for old friends.
Virgo - comic horoscope by zodiac sign
According to statistics, most psychopathic maniacs are born under the Virgo zodiac sign. These heartless monsters poison the life of everyone who finds themselves in the same territory with their pedantry and love of law and order. But in everyday life, Virgo is useful like no other.
Capricorn - a cool horoscope about zodiac signs
Happiness can only be achieved in one way - by breaking in like hell. The meaning of his life is in work. At first he seems meek, but at the first opportunity he will give you a noticeable poke. He receives the greatest pleasure if he manages to do this with Leo, whom he cannot stand for his arrogance. Leo responds to him in kind, cannot stand this dirty trick, and if at the moment of the poke Leo is not in the mood, the zodiac sign Capricorn must immediately run away, otherwise things will end badly.
Comic horoscope according to the zodiac signs of the air element
Twins
No one realizes how difficult it is for the Gemini zodiac sign to survive in this huge world of opportunities! Choice is Gemini's obsessive nightmare. They always feel like life is passing them by, even if they get caught up in events.
Libra - cool horoscope according to zodiac signs
Libras consider themselves aesthetes, are unreliable, have seven Fridays a week, and are yearning, which is unattainable in principle for the Libra zodiac sign, because they are in constant dissonance between reality and what they want. They are indecisive, and therefore suffer from nervous ailments.
Aquarius - a comic horoscope for the zodiac sign
Looks like it fell from an oak tree. Oddly enough, many people like this. Even if in the life of the Aquarius zodiac sign everything goes wrong, he manages to give advice that works! Potential criminal. There is no Aquarius without a criminal past; he breaks the law with pleasure and, unlike Gemini, he understands perfectly well what he is doing.
Cool horoscope for the zodiac signs of Water
There is no sign more suspicious than Cancer! Constantly imagines the end of the world, is afraid of his own shadow, falls into hysterics and seeks consolation from Virgo. Disgust. He bores those around him with conversations about his illnesses, which is why everyone except Taurus runs away in horror. Has a penchant for philosophy and alcoholism. The first, as well as the second, is contraindicated for the Cancer zodiac sign.