People are divided into two categories: some are looking for how to overcome loneliness, others are looking for how to enjoy it. However, the fear of being alone is one of the main fears of the fair half of humanity, and therefore finding a positive in this problem is the lot of the wise...
SOCIETY CONDENSES - THIS IS A MINUS
Society most often demands: be like everyone else, and a single woman is perceived, so to speak, less valuable when there is no partner nearby. Look: if a man is single, this is an asset to him, because he is a potential groom. If a woman is lonely, those around her feel sorry for her, sympathize with her, and try to introduce her to someone. For example, a married lady with three children and a drunkard husband calls her lonely friend, while her friend is taking a bath with a strawberry mask on her face. “Lyusenka,” says the married woman, “when I think that you’re there alone, my heart bleeds!” This cute anecdote is not so far from life.
The unfulfilled personal life of daughters is a headache for mothers. And they openly make fun of the “old maid”, calling her a “blue stocking” or a “little one” behind her back. The townsfolk whisper: “Nobody takes it” or stamp it with the offensive word “abandoned”. Married friends often try to avoid single people as possible homewreckers. They also irritate their ringed friends, they say, we spend all day running around the house, torn between our husbands and children, putting up with hated mothers-in-law, but this one can do nothing, live for herself...
LESS RESPONSIBILITY AND OBLIGATIONS IS A PLUS
Yes, indeed, a single woman has more opportunities to pay attention to herself. There is an opportunity to cook less often, clean her house without fanaticism, in a word, relax. You can do those things that irritated your partner so much, for example, walk around the house in a robe, hang clothes on chairs, dye your hair the color that not your husband likes, but she likes. You don’t have to save on cosmetics and perfume, because she manages the budget herself and doesn’t have to account for the money spent. He no longer bothers: “Why do you need another dress? I already like you!” No one makes comments, does not sneer at her plump figure, does not laugh at her hobbies. And the bad habits of your ex (husband, partner, lover) do not irritate you, because no one comes home angry and irritated, does not throw dirty socks around, does not snore...
SELF-ESTEEM IS LOWERED - THIS IS A MINUS
The fear of being lonely is so strong among women that it can completely distort the real picture of the world. Many are ashamed of their loneliness; this pushes them into loveless marriages, sometimes into unequal relationships. During a divorce, their offended pride does not allow them to look at those around them soberly, without emotion, and to understand that there are no hopeless situations, but only critical ones, from which there is always a way out. Unfortunately, for many, an inferiority complex blooms like a bright bouquet, and self-esteem plummets. Having once experienced pain and disappointment, a woman, instead of enduring the test with dignity, falls into a generalization and perceives all men as enemies, feeling sorry for herself. The eternal external blaming syndrome prevents her from critically assessing her behavior, because both partners are always to blame for the breakdown of a relationship. Many are also lonely because their demands are absolutely unreasonably high - one is waiting for a prince on a white horse, the other for an oligarch... It’s called “Cinderella Syndrome”. You can go to the other extreme: changing men like gloves in order to prove to yourself your importance, attractiveness, and necessity. How can one not remember that a self-sufficient, self-confident woman will never try to please her; she is liked anyway. Often women loudly declare their independence from men, fall into false feminism, and cry into their pillows at night, “embracing the emptiness.”
THE ABILITY TO PERCEIVE LONELINESS AS A GIFT IS A PLUS
According to Bernard Shaw, being able to endure and enjoy solitude is a great gift. Honore de Balzac, an expert on the female soul, said that “loneliness is a wonderful thing, but you need someone to tell you that loneliness is a wonderful thing.” Alas, none of us is immune from losses, but the ability to find positivity in them helps us survive temporary suffering. It's something like lifebuoy in the ocean of life. A woman who, for one reason or another, is left alone, figuratively speaking, is like a fallow field. For some time nothing will grow there. You need to take a break from the affair (or marriage), take stock, understand your mistakes and mistakes. Move away from the insults and hardships of a failed personal life or try, no matter how hard it may be, to come to terms with the death of your spouse. It would be nice to become a kind of philosopher, when you turn your own pain into wisdom. They say overcoming difficulties is one of the pleasures of life. It would be good to follow this postulate, and not indulge in universal sadness, as if the whole world had insulted you...
IT HAS A NEGATIVE AFFECT ON HEALTH - THIS IS A MINUS
You need to be able to distinguish between the concepts of “being lonely” and the feeling of inner loneliness. As they say, the worst loneliness is loneliness together, the presence of a person nearby who does not understand you. However, various kinds of diseases can occur in both cases, because prolonged experiences and dissatisfaction with oneself weaken the immune system. Hence the weakness and chronic fatigue, and insomnia, as well as inflammation, arthritis, etc. By the way, loneliness is not the same as the love of solitude, in which a person is much more comfortable than with someone. According to Doctor of Philosophy, psychoanalyst, writer Nazip Khamitov, communication is an inhalation, and solitude is an exhalation. The personality must breathe...
SINGLE WOMEN LOOK BETTER THAN MARRIED WOMEN - THIS IS A PLUS
“You look good,” says one friend to another, “rested or divorced?” Really, free woman sleeps better, costs less in the kitchen "hearth", spends time in nature more often, and all this has a beneficial effect on one's appearance. If the stress associated with loneliness contributes to the release of adrenaline and renewal, then nothing threatens your health. The belief that the situation will change for the better and that the marriage resource has not yet been exhausted gives a woman strength and the ability to withstand troubles. Many people start doing fitness, dancing, going to the pool, and communicating more with friends. Often, during periods of forced pause, hitherto unknown talents are revealed, paintings are created, books are written. Sublimation is a great thing - this is how nature protects the beautiful half of humanity. When a woman regains self-confidence and loves herself, those around her will feel it, so that in the near future she may have a meeting with her beloved.
Well, if loneliness cannot be avoided, maybe it’s worth making friends with it and temporarily settling into a new situation?
In the company of friends or acquaintances, a lonely person is constantly trying to find a soul mate. It so happens that people consider loneliness to be something negative, and the majority are completely afraid of being left without a partner for a long time. But loneliness, oddly enough, also brings many positive aspects. What exactly are the advantages of loneliness, let's look at it right now.
Time for yourself, loved one
Perhaps the main one positive side loneliness - you will always have time for yourself. After all, relationships are also a kind of work that requires a waste of time and effort. And some are so passionate about their partner that they lose their own personality in him. Think about what YOU want, not what is expected of you. Loneliness will force you to turn to your goals, develop and find.
A breath of freedom
You can enjoy your independence and do whatever your heart desires without encountering restrictions. Often relationships deteriorate due to close contact over a long period of time and strict control over every step. After all, no matter how much a person is in love or attached, there is the concept of “personal space”, and no couple is able to withstand 24/7 together. It is worth reconsidering your views on the essence of the relationship if the reason for the breakup was precisely the lack of freedom. As you can see, the advantages of loneliness lie in the very essence of being alone with yourself.
Women who are afraid of loneliness have always lived and will live on earth. They often marry people who are completely unsuitable for them and live, enduring humiliation and betrayal, only because they are afraid of being alone.
They come up with various epithets: "burden of loneliness", "captivity of loneliness", but married life can turn out to be an even heavier burden and a terrible captivity. And loneliness has many advantages, which I want to tell readers about today from the pages of the Korolevnam.ru magazine.
Family life is not a panacea?
Family life always begins with a happy smile, bright prospects, and plans for the future. And divorce is always difficult, no matter what caused it.
My heart breaks from the realization that for so many years I believed someone who cannot be trusted, that I opened my soul to someone who did not need it, and how can I trust anyone at all now.
Perhaps it is precisely because of these borderline states that the stereotype has developed that loneliness is bad and scary.
You shouldn’t give in to emotions, emotions will pass, but loneliness will remain, and if you learn to see its advantages, it can become a friend.
Pros and cons of loneliness
I have been living alone for six years now. For a long time It took me to understand that alcoholism is not so much a disease as a way of life that does not suit me at all. And then I left my husband and filed for divorce.
Loneliness is a plus
At first, I just slept, no one came home in the middle of the night, didn’t stomp, didn’t turn on the lights in all the rooms, didn’t sort things out.
That's how I found out about The first advantage of loneliness is the ability to sleep when you want and as much as you want.
When I got up to the stove, I wanted to sing: I didn’t have to rack my brains about what to cook so that my husband and I would like it at the same time.
He hated beets, pasta, beef and sausages, and it was not always possible to cook separate dishes.
Now I can calmly stew a whole pan of beets and not think about cooking for a couple of days.
In shops or on a walk in park flirted with strangers, and no one made scenes of jealousy and hours of interrogation.
A little about the cons
Of course, a single woman, especially if she is still raising children, has a difficult responsibility. material support your family. And in a hectic time of reforms and crises, this may seem like a big minus of loneliness.
But there’s nothing to worry about here either, and a minus can easily be turned into a plus. There are a lot of open vacancies and it’s not difficult to find a job you like. Nowadays, many organizations provide training to employees when hiring. So even if you don’t really know how to do anything, you have a great chance to learn something new.
Mastering a new type of activity will give impetus to personal development. And if you like the work, professionalism and an increase in salary will come, and with them confidence in yourself and your abilities.
When you are sitting at work, and in your thoughts: “What to cook for dinner, and the laundry is up to the ceiling, and the tomatoes are ripe - the tomato needs to be boiled, but today he will come sober or drunk, and what if he brings more guests,”- where can we think about personal growth? I would have enough strength to have dinner and walk to bed.
In addition to material security, also as a minus of a woman’s loneliness is lack of sex.
Who actually said that you can’t have sex alone? It is not at all necessary to live together in order to sometimes give each other joy. Moreover, our men are sure that we want to get married (that’s right, they’ve been listening for so many years that there aren’t enough of them), and when you say that you live well alone, a spark of genuine interest lights up in their eyes.
Time passes, and they understand that this woman will not tolerate their whims just for the sake of having pants nearby, which means that this woman can and should be respected.
Let's sum it up
So, what advantages have we found in being a woman alone:
Firstly , the opportunity to go to bed when you want, and not when your husband has watched “Universal Soldier” for the 100th time.
Secondly , the opportunity to cook only your favorite dishes or not to cook at all, but to eat semi-finished products (not all women have a love of cooking).
Fourth , the opportunity to flirt and have affairs.
Fifthly , washing fewer items, which saves both time and money. It just seems that the cost per wash is small (water, powder, electricity). What if there are 5-6 of these washes per month? What if it's 15?
At sixth , the ability to choose a field of activity without regard to someone else’s opinion. Parents, even if they don’t understand, will still support, and children will be pleased to see a calm and confident mother. Moreover, they will project her condition onto themselves, which will have a good effect on their personal growth.
Seventh , you can stay late at work without fear of jealousy. You can stay with a friend. Yes, you don’t have to come to spend the night at all! (In the latter case, be sure to warn the children or send them to a friend or grandmother for the night.)
Eighth , you can get completely drunk (drunk, drunk, whatever you like), and no one will blame you. Of course, you shouldn’t drink too much, but it won’t hurt to relax from time to time. Children, when they see a drunk mother, are at first puzzled, and then have fun remembering for a long time.
Since the overall volume of household chores is decreasing, you can create a schedule for yourself and manage everything.
Well, for example, like this: Monday - cleaning, Tuesday - cooking, Wednesday - washing, Thursday - twisting cans, and so on in any order and sequence. On a weekend, you can lie on the couch with a book from morning to evening or go somewhere with your children.
All of these factors together bring calm, and calm is an indispensable condition for a healthy psyche.
I'm not saying that everyone married women I urgently need to get a divorce and live alone. If you have a good, caring husband, if mutual respect and understanding are firmly established in your family, if you “look together in the same direction,” I can only wish for long years your marriage.
I just want to encourage those women who have not yet met their man or have met the wrong one.
Do not despair, do not consider the years lived in vain. Better use them to grow and develop your personality, become self-sufficient, love and respect yourself.
Only the unknown is scary, and now you know everything about loneliness and its advantages!
Loneliness is a human condition that is associated with a lack of deep emotional connections with other people. More and more people are suffering from loneliness these days. As a rule, women are more emotional than men, so scientists believe that it is more difficult for women to endure this condition. If a person is lonely, then he lacks communication, attention, love, support, advice or help. Loneliness can be forced and conscious. Based on this, you can determine the disadvantages and advantages of loneliness.
Benefits of Solitude
- Temporary conscious solitude is beneficial. IN modern world The pace of life is too fast, which sometimes leads to exhaustion. In order to take a break from the frantic race, a person needs temporary solitude. You need to determine for yourself how much time you can spend alone so that it does not cause a feeling of discomfort.
- Often in solitude a person finds himself by analyzing his previous life, your views, feelings.
- Some people go to the mountains or into nature for some time in order to spend time alone and meditate. This helps to gain strength, mental and moral, necessary to restore emotional balance.
Disadvantages of Loneliness
- Distrust in people develops. People who have lost are often prone to loneliness. loved one(for example, due to betrayal). In this case, natural defensive reaction organism and a person strives for solitude. But you can't allow yourself long time be in this state, otherwise heavy thoughts will lead to even greater distrust of people.
- Negative health effects. As scientists have proven, loneliness has a negative impact on human health, in much the same way as overeating, smoking, drinking alcohol, and shortens life expectancy. It is believed that lonely people work more, skip meals, and carry their feelings and emotions inside themselves, which sometimes leads to apathy and even depression.
- For the people around you, loneliness is invisible. Often even friends and relatives cannot see that a person suffers from loneliness. Sometimes he hides it, not wanting to be a burden to his friends.
- Feelings of loneliness can be transmitted to other people. When a lonely person begins to complain about his loneliness, then the one who listens to him may experience similar feelings. In addition, a lonely person gradually withdraws into himself and stops communicating with friends, as a result of which they lose their interlocutor.
- Self-esteem decreases. How more people analyzes his emotions, feelings, actions, the more he blames himself for some events, problems, etc. Or he begins to blame others and eventually shuts himself off from the whole world.
Tips to overcome loneliness
- Accept your loneliness and make the most of it. Engage in the development of your personality, increase your self-esteem and self-confidence. Look for problems in yourself that push you towards loneliness.
- Become an open person. Often lonely people outwardly seem unfriendly, sad, and gloomy. Perhaps they are like that. You just have to learn to smile at the people around you, become more sociable, find new acquaintances, and the world around you will shine with bright colors.
- It is imperative to learn lessons from loneliness. Look for some negative things in yourself that do not allow you to become a different person and get rid of this condition.
- If you feel lonely, think about old acquaintances, relatives with whom you have not communicated for a long time, etc. Call them, go visit them. You will see how happy they are to see you. And the feeling of loneliness will leave you.
- Learn to show interest in people without any self-interest. Call not when you need something, but just like that, talk, find out what’s new with the person. They will begin to appreciate you and respond to you in kind.
Perhaps, with the help of feelings of loneliness, you can understand your significance and sort out your feelings. But if this condition drags on and becomes burdensome, then start fighting it.
A person in this world is always alone. Even those people who have a family and children can be lonely. The fact is that internal state less dependent on the environment. And male loneliness is a conscious or unconscious choice of a person. A self-sufficient person with strong life beliefs will never feel lonely. What is the cause of mental decline and how to get rid of the oppressive feeling, read below.
Male loneliness
Someone might think that loneliness is a temporary physical absence of like-minded people nearby. But actually it is not. The male opinion about loneliness is this: a man who knows what he wants has unshakable life values and knows the value of his words, he will not feel lonely. Only a person who is torn apart by mental anguish and who does not know how to properly manage his own life will be tormented by the search for the meaning of his existence. A person needs support and support nearby. But the personality must be complete in itself. There is no need to look for the meaning of life in someone. A person who does not find much pleasure in spending time in his company must understand that others with such a person will be bored. Therefore, you should not get rid of loneliness by filling it with another person. First you need to solve all your internal problems and only then look for a person with a similar system of interests and values.
pros
Many men don't mind staying single until a certain point. Until the age of 30, young people prefer to remain single and build a career. What are the advantages of male loneliness?
- The freedom of action. Men love to be the masters of their lives. They like freedom, which opens up many opportunities. You don’t have to think about anyone’s desires other than your own.
- Lack of responsibility. Another advantage of male loneliness is the opportunity not to think about anyone other than yourself. Responsibility for a family is simply unthinkable for many representatives of the stronger sex at 20 years old. You need to gain experience in order to be able to manage your affairs and accept right decisions.
- Opportunity to build a career. Male loneliness It’s good when it brings benefits. The ability to devote full time to building a career is very important. A person who arranges his affairs before starting a family will be able to achieve more than an individual who arranges his affairs while burdened with a wife and children.
Minuses
Men can only enjoy life when they are self-sufficient. But to find yourself, you need to go through a thorny path. But not everyone can go through life alone. What are the disadvantages of being alone?
How to overcome male loneliness? The psychological advice that experts give boils down to one simple idea: in order to eliminate the effect, you need to find the cause. A person who cannot get rid of an oppressive feeling must understand why it arises in his soul. It's stupid to think that the right girl will solve all your problems. The root of loneliness lies deep within. A man who does what he loves, has good friends, can carry on any conversation, will be successful with women. And closed men who are afraid in society beautiful ladies open your mouth will cause pity, but not admiration. A lot of poems have been written about male loneliness. They reflect the essence of the problems of the strong half of humanity. Men are too often afraid to show the world their true emotions.
If you suffer from loneliness, think about whether everything in your life is as good as you think. Do a simple test. Draw a circle and divide it into 6 parts. Label each part in accordance with the main areas of life: health, career, friends, love, family, leisure. Place a dot in each area as close to the outer circle as you develop this or that area of life. Ideally you should be able to smooth circle. If you get a spider, then you can easily understand what area of life you need to develop in order to get rid of internal inferiority.
All problems from childhood
You can see photos of male loneliness in expensive glossy magazines. Even successful and beautiful people do not feel self-sufficient. Why? All a person's problems lie in his childhood. Think about what relationships were like in your family when you were little. How you were raised, how your dad treated your mom. If the father beat his mother, scolded her all the time and said that all women are fools, then the boy involuntarily believed this statement. Growing up, the man began to look for confirmation of his father’s words. And whoever seeks will always find. It is not surprising that a young and handsome guy will remain lonely if he constantly tries to find faults in any of the girls he likes.
The situation becomes even more complicated if the boy did not have a father as a child. The role of the main man in life could be taken by one of the relatives. Unwittingly making an idol of a person who was a teacher, the boy could pick up his life beliefs. And it is difficult to get rid of the feeling of inferiority for a child who grew up in an incomplete family. Since childhood, the boy understood that not all families live peacefully and that divorce is quite natural. In such a situation, you need to independently or with the help of a psychologist get rid of the statements inherent in childhood, rewriting them with new ones.
Low self-esteem
What is the cause of male loneliness? Psychologists say that those members of the stronger sex who suffer from low self-esteem are more likely to experience loneliness. Men consider themselves unworthy of love. A girl cannot love a man who considers himself unworthy of her. Moreover, a guy can subconsciously instill in his chosen one the confidence that she is amazing and can find someone better.
To change the situation, the guy must reconsider his attitude towards himself. Moreover, the changes should not be external, but internal. But if a man is not satisfied with his appearance, first of all you need to deal with it. Everyone knows what they are meeting by their clothes. Fat man needs to lose excess weight, a guy who dresses in rags should flip through glossy magazines and learn about modern trends. Having changed your clothes and pumped up your body, you can move on to working on your internal qualities. You should write down your strengths and weak sides and then get rid of the shortcomings.
Hobby
What is one of the reasons for male loneliness? In stock large quantity free time. A person who constantly engages in self-flagellation has a clear excess of time that can be spent on self-development. The guy must come up with an activity that will captivate him. This could be sports training, design, programming or education. A person who is busy will not stress himself out and think about his own inadequacy. A passionate person will be interesting not only to himself, but also to others. If a guy doesn’t have a date, then he can easily find a girl by going to a club of similar interests. For example, a man who enjoys reading can join a literary club. From time to time attending events where different people will gather to discuss books, the guy will be able to find himself a lady who shares his interests.
Life goals
Any person should know where he is going. If a guy has no plans, his future will seem very murky to him. And this fact will depress a person. Male loneliness after 30 years occurs among insolvent men who have no idea why they came into this world. A person who learns something new every day and strives to realize his plans will be passionate about life. Loneliness will not accompany such a person. A person who communicates with several dozen people every day can easily find a soul mate.
If you still don’t have a purpose in life, then it’s time to find one. Sit down and write down everything you've ever wanted to do. Remember all your dreams - both big and small. You'll take them apart later. If you already know exactly what you want to become, then don’t put off implementing your plan for too long. Enroll in relevant courses that will give you the necessary skills to achieve your goal. And small dreams can become vacation plans. Don't be afraid to take risks and do crazy things. They will help you gain the necessary experience and become an interesting person.
Significant other
A person attracts the people he deserves. And this is not some kind of prophecy, but real fact. A person always chooses his environment from a type that he considers attractive. Male loneliness is an indicator of bad choices. But if a person does not change, then over and over again he will step on the same rake. You've probably noticed that most men choose girls of the same type. And this applies not only to appearance. For example, some are attracted to a bitchy character, while others are attracted to reverence and obedience. Some people like bright girls, while others prefer modest ones. It is worth remembering that if you make the same choice all the time, there is no point in expecting different results. If a man got burned by a girl who preferred an open relationship, then there is no point in taking the same rake. It is better to look for a lady who will want to start a family, and not a person who is eager to go out and get a lot of new experiences. Always be conscious when choosing a girl. A lady should be attractive not only on the outside, but also on the inside. You need to pay attention to the interests and values of the lady. If they match yours, you're done. right choice. But in relationships, not everything is so simple. It's not enough to just find the right person. You need to be able to maintain love and make concessions.
Friends
Male loneliness is not only the absence of a soulmate. A person will not feel lonely if there are true friends next to him. Any man should have at least two friends with whom he can have a heart-to-heart talk, discuss his problems and ask for advice. There can be many friends in life, but the best friends should be chosen especially carefully. These should be time-tested people who you can rely on and whom you can trust with your secrets. They say that male friendship is more reliable than female friendship. You will have to check this on your own experience. And in order not to be convinced of the incorrectness of the saying, think about who you allow into your social circle.
Is it possible to live without friends? It's possible, but difficult. If a person does not have close friends, he will feel loneliness more clearly than if he does not have a significant other. A girl cannot always share a man’s interests, and not all thoughts can be told to her. Therefore, take care in a timely manner to find like-minded people, because every year it will be more and more difficult to find friends.
Family
The person you love always catches your eye. If a man has a loving family, then he will never suffer from loneliness. And this applies not only to the wife and children, but also to parents and relatives. A man must maintain normal relationships with his mother, father, brothers and sisters. It is these people who will love a person not for some achievements, but for the very fact of his existence. Male loneliness is the absence of like-minded people and loved ones nearby. But you don’t always have to look for love on the side. It can be found in the family. Whatever the parents are, they are the one and only. They always want their children to be happy and are ready to sacrifice their interests for their benefit. Sisters and brothers are best friends who sometimes know you even better than you do yourself. Close people will help you difficult situation, they will always give good advice and they won’t interfere too intrusively into your life. The care and attention your family shows to your candidacy should be appreciated. If a man sacrifices normal relationships with relatives for the sake of a girl, this will come back to haunt him many times. You can change the lady of your heart, but you can’t find a replacement for your parents. Always remember this.