If parents have children in previous or subsequent marriages, they are considered half-siblings. The mother's husband, but not the father of her child, is the stepfather. The father's wife, but not the child's own mother - a stepmother. The step-son of a husband or wife during the next marriage of his parent (parent) is a stepson, and a step-daughter is a stepdaughter.
Russian folklore speaks unflatteringly about the stepmother: people did not believe that a woman could love someone else’s child as her own. It is no coincidence that the plant was named so: coltsfoot. Its leaves are smooth and cold on top, and warm and fluffy on the inside. They also say: “The other side is the stepmother.”
When adopted, a child was called an adopted child. The new parents - the named mother and the named father - considered the girl to be the named daughter, and the boy to be the named son.
The imprisoned mother and father became close, but not relatives - people who were invited to the wedding to replace their own mother and own father bride and groom.
And after a newborn appeared in the family, he might need a mother, a nurse, a milk mother. To feed it meant almost becoming related to the baby. Older children were assigned an uncle for care and supervision. Such a guy raised the cavalry maiden Shurochka Azarova in the film “The Hussar Ballad.”
Men could fraternize by exchanging crosses and kissing three times. They became cross brothers. Fraternization was the result of great friendship or saving a life in battle. Girls' friendship, not related by kinship, was also secured by a peculiar ritual: the girls exchanged pectoral crosses. Then they called their friends that way - crusaders, brothers-in-arms, sworn sisters.
Spiritual kinship
Religious ties in families were strong and unostentatious. As required by the ritual, each little godson or goddaughter had a godfather and godmother. The godfather's father became a godfather, the son became a godbrother, and both godparents in relation to the godson's parents became godfathers: he is godfather, she is godfather. The godfather and godfather took upon themselves the responsibility of taking care of the religious education of their godson and in the event of the death of their parents, they took their place. Being a godfather to the first or second child in a family used to be considered a great honor.
They chose godfather and mother from close people: relatives or family friends. A pregnant woman was not called a godmother: it was believed that the godson would die. If newborns or young children died in families, the first person they met was taken as a godfather. Preference was given to godparents who had many godchildren alive.
An unmarried man, who was to become a godfather for the first time, chose a girl for baptism, unmarried girl- boy. It was believed that otherwise the girl risked remaining a century-old woman, and the guy a bachelor. There was a belief among the peasants that if the girl or guy who was invited to be godparents to the first child was older than the godson’s parents, then the girl would marry a widower, and the guy would marry a widow or woman older than him. Therefore, accordingly, they tried to make godmothers younger than their parents.
On Peter's Day (July 12), the godmother baked unleavened pies with cottage cheese for the godchildren. On Forgiveness Day (the last day before Great Lent), according to custom, the godfather went to the godfather with soap, and she went to him with gingerbread. According to the canons of Orthodoxy, godparents could not marry each other.
Dictionary of kinship relations
GRANDMOTHER, grandmother - mother of father or mother, wife of grandfather.
BROTHER - a son in relation to other children of the same parents.
BROTHER GODFATHER - son of the godfather.
Brother of the Cross, brother of the cross, brother named - persons who exchanged pectoral crosses.
BRO, bro, bro, bro, bro - cousin.
BROTANICH - brother's nephew.
BRO - wife cousin.
Bratanna is her brother's daughter, brother's niece.
Brother - a cousin or distant relative.
Bratova is her brother's wife.
Bratych is a brother's son, brother's nephew.
A widow is a woman who did not enter into a second marriage after the death of her husband.
A widower is a man who did not enter into a second marriage after the death of his wife.
A great aunt is a grandparent's sister (great aunt).
A great uncle is a brother of a grandfather or grandmother.
Branch - line of kinship.
Grandson - son of a son or daughter, sons of a nephew or niece.
A great-great-niece is the granddaughter of a first cousin.
Great-niece - granddaughter of a brother or sister (second cousin).
Grandchild, great-grandson - being a relative in the third generation, second cousin.
Great-siblings are second cousins.
A great-great-cousin is the grandson of a first cousin.
A great-nephew is a grandson of a brother or sister.
Great-great-second cousin - grandson of a second cousin (second cousin).
Granddaughter, grandson - the daughter of a son or daughter, nephew or niece.
A great-aunt is the sister of a grandmother or grandfather.
Great-great-grandmother is the sister of a great-grandmother or great-grandfather.
A great-great-great-grandmother is the sister of a great-great-grandmother or great-great-grandfather.
A great niece is the daughter of a first cousin.
Cousin - daughter of an uncle or aunt.
A great aunt is a cousin of one's father or mother.
Cousin - related in the second generation.
Cousin - son of an uncle or aunt.
A great-uncle is a brother of a grandfather or grandmother.
A great uncle is a cousin of one's father or mother.
A first cousin is the son of a first cousin.
A great-great-grandfather is the brother of a great-grandfather or great-grandmother.
A great-great-great-grandfather is the brother of a great-great-grandfather or great-great-grandmother.
Brother-in-law is the husband's brother.
Grandfather (grandfather) - the father of the father or mother.
The godfather is the godfather's father.
Grandfather, grandfather - uncle's aunt.
Dedich is the direct heir of his grandfather.
A daughter is a female person in relation to her parents.
The named daughter is an adopted child, a pupil.
Dsherich is his aunt's nephew.
Daughter's aunt's niece.
An uncle is a person caring for a child.
An uncle is the brother of the father or mother, as well as the husband of the aunt.
Half-blooded children (consanguineous) - children born from the same father (consanguineous father), but different mothers).
Single-uterine children (one-uterine) are children born by the same mother, but from different fathers.
Half-uterine - born of the same mother, but from a different father.
A wife is a woman in relation to the man with whom she is married.
Zhenima, zhenishka - unmarried fourth wife.
The groom is the one who has betrothed his bride.
Sister-in-law, sister-in-law, sister-in-law - the husband’s sister, sometimes the brother’s wife.
Son-in-law is the husband of a daughter, sister.
A knee is a branch of a clan, a generation in a genealogy.
A godmother is a participant in the baptismal ceremony in the role of a spiritual mother.
Godson - godson.
Goddaughter - goddaughter.
A godfather is a participant in the baptismal ceremony in the role of a spiritual father.
Consanguinity - descent from the same parents.
Blood - about kinship within the same family.
Cousin - cousin.
Cousin - cousin.
Godfather is the godfather in relation to the godson's parents and the godmother.
Kuma is the godmother in relation to the godson's parents and to the godfather.
Little aunt - sister of father or mother (cousin).
Little uncle - brother of father or mother.
A mother is a woman in relation to her children.
The godmother, the godmother, is the recipient of the baptismal ceremony.
Unless anyone is born of water and the Spirit,
cannot enter the Kingdom of God(John 3:5)
The birth of a child in an Orthodox family is followed by his baptism. Unfortunately, not all Orthodox Christians are churchgoers, so many questions arise: what is the time frame for a child’s baptism, how does the procedure itself work, who are the godparents, who can be spiritual teachers for boys and girls?
The Orthodox Church does not set the age of baptism for children. In each family, this issue is resolved independently, based on the characteristics of the way of life, the health of the child, and so on.
For centuries, a tradition has been established to baptize infants no earlier than 40 days from their birth. There is an explanation for this. His parents brought Jesus Christ to the Temple for dedication to God on the fortieth day, according to the custom of the ancient Jews.
During the same period, a woman after childbirth goes through a period of cleansing. After reading a special prayer, she can visit the temple and fully participate in the life of the Church and its Sacraments, including being present at the baptism of her child.
If the baby is weak and sick, you can wait until he grows up and gets stronger. The church prays for “mother and child,” so God’s help will not leave both of them, but the child’s full participation in church life will be possible only after baptism.
If the life of a newborn is in danger of death, then it is better to baptize him as early as possible in order to be able to pray for health or remember him during the Liturgy. Regular communion, which is possible only for a Christian, will strengthen the child’s physical and spiritual strength.
When the family decides to baptize their child, but still you shouldn’t put it off for too long most important event in his life. There is another argument in favor of this decision: a baby at the age of 1-2 months is not yet attached to his mother and family, he is not frightened by strangers and extraneous sounds. Throughout the entire Sacrament, the godparents will hold the baby in their arms; an older child may resist this.
Features of christenings for boys and girls
The sacrament of Baptism can be performed on a person who consciously believes in Christian truths. An adult himself testifies to his readiness to unite with Christ and receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit. It is impossible to expect conscious faith from infants. During the Sacrament of Baptism, they must take a vow of fidelity to God and renounce the forces of evil and sin.
Is it possible to baptize them? “Yes, it’s possible,” answers the Orthodox Church. Receivers from the font or godparents are given to the baby at baptism in order to answer for him before the Lord not only during the sacrament itself, but also in subsequent earthly and eternal life. Infants are baptized according to their faith and the faith of the parents.
Godparents have a special role in the spiritual education of a child. They make a promise to God to lead the godson through life in a Christian way, to raise him in the spirit of the Orthodox faith. The life of the recipients themselves should be a worthy example of piety and love for God and for others. According to established tradition, a godfather is chosen for the child and godmother, by analogy with parents.
However, according to church canons, one thing is enough:
- men - for a boy;
- women - for girls.
There may even be gender mismatch. However, each such case is considered individually, and the decision is made by the priest. The main thing is that future godparents are full members of the Orthodox Church, know the basics of the Orthodox faith and are ready to raise the child spiritually.
Who cannot be among the godparents according to church rules?
For newborn boys and girls, before choosing adopters, it is necessary to know who can and cannot become them.
The priest will refuse to administer the Sacrament of Baptism if the following are chosen as recipients:
Can godparents be husband and wife or become one in the future? There are no canons prohibiting this in Orthodoxy. In 2017, the Council of Bishops updated the permission for marriages of successors with the blessing of the diocesan bishop. Such permission existed before, but a tradition has developed to prohibit such marriages.
Who can be a godparent for a boy or girl?
The main criterion when choosing recipients is their belonging to Orthodoxy, as well as their church membership - the desire to live in accordance with Christian truths, fight sin, and correct themselves.
The mission of the adoptive parents is to testify before God for their ward about faith, renunciation of Satan, a promise to build their lives according to the commandments of God, to help their godson or goddaughter fulfill all these promises in future life.
Spiritual work continues throughout the life of godparents and their godchildren. Prayer for godchildren must be supported by real deeds: take the child to communion, read spiritual literature with him, learn a prayer, explain the foundations of the Orthodox faith. 
The Church allows one of the godparents to be of a different Christian faith - Catholic or Protestant, if there is no possibility of finding an Orthodox Christian in the family environment.
A clergyman can become a godson, but as a rule, they have many responsibilities and will have little free time for full communication with the godson.
Age of majority is an optional but desirable condition. The responsibility that godparents take on in the face of God involves understanding the importance of the role of the godparent and understanding what spiritual mentoring is.
Can godparents be relatives of the child?
The child's relatives, including the closest ones, can be chosen to play the role of recipient. Except for the parents.
Before choosing one of your relatives as your child's adoptive parent, you need to think about this: a few years will pass and the child will grow up. Teenagers are not ready to discuss their problems with their closest relatives; this is the psychology of this age.
They are looking for an authoritative adult outside the family. A godfather could become such a person, help and guide the teenager in the right direction along the Christian path of development. Of course, provided that in all previous years he took an active part in raising his godson, and they developed a trusting relationship.
From this point of view, choosing close relatives for the role of adoptive parents is not always the best solution.
It is right to choose church-going Orthodox Christians who will raise the child in faith and love for God, respect for people.
You need to answer the following questions:
- Who can you entrust the body and soul of a child to?
- Who will help raise him in faith?
- Who can you become spiritually related to?
God-parents They are mentors in the Orthodox faith, and not rare guests with gifts at birthdays. True Christian love is the most valuable gift to godchildren from their godparents, and vital role– to be an example in the organization of Christian life.
How to choose godparents for a child if the parents are non-believers?
Unbelieving parents can baptize their children. Strictly speaking, the presence of parents is not necessary. In some churches, the priest does not allow parents to attend the Sacrament at all.
Atheists can be godparents for boys and girls IN Soviet times grandmothers brought their children to be baptized without the participation of atheist parents.
They saved and remembered Orthodox faith and hoped for the mercy of God. Having grown up, these children came to God consciously.
Godparents, who can be spiritual educators for boys and girls, take full responsibility for raising a child in the truths of the Gospel.
Their role increases many times over: only they can graft a branch onto the Tree of Life, cultivate the seeds of the Orthodox faith in the soul of the godson.
You can baptize a child even if the parents are of a different faith.
In such situations, first of all, you need to think about the benefits for the child: the parents must have consent to baptism in order to avoid conflicts.
Is it possible to baptize a child without godparents?
Sometimes life situations arise when a child needs to be baptized immediately, for example, if he is in danger of death. A priest can perform the Sacrament of baptism without recipients, so that he can help the child in the struggle for life with the help of the Holy Gifts and the common prayer of the entire Orthodox Church.
In the future, when the baby gets better, you can find people who will become godparents for the child and help the parents spiritually raise the boy or girl. Churched parents can do this on their own.
IN emergency situations Lay people can baptize a baby by saying the Baptismal Prayer. At the first opportunity, the priest will complete what he started, since the process of Baptism consists of several stages and ends with the Sacrament of Confirmation.
Responsibilities of godparents
Godparents have serious responsibilities towards their godchildren in raising them in the traditions of the Orthodox Church:
Godparents renounce sin for the child and undertake obligations for the spiritual education of the godson before God. The Church teaches that at the last judgment He will ask for the upbringing of godchildren in the same way as for the upbringing of his own children.
Now it becomes clear why choosing godparents is a responsible and difficult decision. The connection with them can become stronger than with blood relatives, since it is sanctified by the Lord and based on Christian love.
How can godparents prepare for the Great Sacrament?
For a churchgoer there is nothing special in preparation. Prayer, fasting, confession, communion, reading the Gospel - usual life Christian. Each parish may have its own traditions, so it is worth checking with the church where the baptism will take place whether there are any special requirements for recipients.
In many parishes, so-called public meetings are held for those future godparents who are still little familiar with the life of the Church. The priest explains in detail the main provisions of the Orthodox faith, talks about the Sacrament of Baptism, as well as those parish traditions that relate to baptism.
Godparents, who can be godparents for boys and girls from the font, so as not to approach holy duties formally, must prepare themselves to participate in the upcoming Sacrament:
- read at least one Gospel;
- carefully study the Creed - it is read out loud during baptism;
- if possible, learn “Our Father” - one of the main Christian prayers;
- confess and receive communion.
Even if the priest does not require it, it is advisable to take such steps. The duties of godparents require involvement in the Church. Therefore, from this moment the deliverance of the recipients themselves from sinful slavery can begin, the beginning of their new life in Christ and with Christ has been laid. Only then is it possible to fully fulfill the duties of a spiritual mentor.
IN Orthodox church the woman must wear a skirt that covers her knees and cover her head. A man must wear trousers and no headdress.
What should godparents have during a christening?
To perform the Sacrament of Baptism, the priest only needs pectoral cross and the shirt, everything else is a tribute to tradition.
Most often, godparents prepare:
These items are kept throughout life as a shrine. There is no need to wash the kryzhma: if a child gets sick, you can cover the baby with it so that it will help him recover faster.
Does not exist strict rules, who and what prepares for baptism. Different localities and parishes have their own traditions, and they may differ from each other. You need to agree in advance who is responsible for what.
The child’s parents can prepare everything they need themselves. Things sewn or knitted will retain the warmth of the hands and love of the one who created them.
What else to consider before Baptism:
- An important question concerns the cost of baptism. The Sacrament of Baptism, like all other Sacraments and rites of the Church, is performed free of charge. As a sign of gratitude, you can donate a certain amount to the temple. You can find out its size at the arrival or determine it yourself.
- Usually the child is given a certificate of Baptism, the names of the child and his adoptive parents are written on it, so their documents may be needed.
- You need to find out whether it is possible to photograph the Baptism process; not all priests allow this.
- The sacrament lasts long enough, the baby will need usual means care
Baptism procedure
Baptism takes place in the temple itself or in a special baptismal room, which can be separate standing building. In fact, these are two separate Sacraments, following each other: Baptism and Confirmation.
The entire procedure lasts about 40 minutes. All this time the baby is in the arms of the recipients, they hand him over to the priest when the ritual requires it. 
Godparents, who can be spiritual parents for boys or girls, can familiarize themselves with the Baptism scheme, to imagine how things will happen:
| Stages of the Baptism procedure | Actions taking place in the temple |
Order of announcement:
| Special prayers of “prohibitions” are read over the person being baptized. |
| The recipient, on behalf of the baby, loudly renounces Satan three times. |
| One of the godparents reads the Creed for the baby. |
Sacrament of Baptism:
| The priest reads special prayers for consecration, first water, and then oil (oil) |
| The recipient receives the child after the font in Kryzhma. The priest puts a cross on the child. |
| The recipients put the baptismal shirt on the baby |
| Sacrament of Confirmation: | Parts of the body are anointed with myrrh, thus giving the gifts of the Holy Spirit. |
| Godparents with candles and a baby in their arms walk around the font three times. |
| They listen to the Gospel with candles in their hands. |
| The priest washes away the remnants of the world. |
| The priest cuts off some hair from the baby's head in a cross shape, which he wraps in wax and lowers into the font. This is the first sacrifice to God and a sign of submission to Him. |
| The priest walks around the temple with the baby in his arms, and the boys are still brought into the altar. |
It is advisable to give the child communion for the first time the next day.
The sacrament of Baptism is the first sacrament that a Christian receives. Without it, the beginning of a new life with Christ and in Christ is impossible, and, therefore, salvation is impossible. A newborn child has not yet done anything wrong, but he inherits the sinful nature of his first parents. He is already on his way to death.
During Baptism, in an incomprehensible way, a person is cleansed from sin, dies to it and is born again in purity, receives hope of salvation and eternal life. This is possible only in connection with the Lord. The Body of Christ is called the Church.
According to its wise arrangement, the Sacrament of Confirmation follows immediately after Baptism. A person receives the mysterious gifts of the Holy Spirit, which will act invisibly in him and strengthen him in his desire to live according to Christ.
Godparents, who can guide boys and girls on the path to eternal life, take responsibility for whether they go forward or stay put. The sacrament of Baptism so far only places the child at the beginning of this road.
Is the magical, magical effect of Baptism possible without faith? The answer to this question is given by the Gospel: “According to your faith, be it done to you” (Matthew 9:29). Where there is true faith, there is no need for superstition.
What to give to a godson or goddaughter?
A christening gift should have a spiritual meaning and be useful for the further education of the child in Orthodox traditions and remind you of the day of spiritual birth.
It can be:
Many interesting gifts are sold in church shops. It's not about the cost, but about the spiritual value of the item.
Can a pregnant woman be a godmother?
There are no obstacles for a woman to become a godmother.
It is necessary to evaluate whether she has enough love, kindness and opportunities for two children: her unborn one and the adopted one. Not only spiritual and prayerful help is required from godparents, but also effective help, requiring strength and time.
Is it possible to refuse godparents?
A child cannot refuse such godparents. Godparents may change for the worse and stop fulfilling their responsibilities towards their godson or goddaughter. In such cases, you need to teach the child to pray for their correction. This will become for him a lesson in Christian love and mercy.
If parents still need help in the spiritual upbringing of their child, they can find a pious, church-going person and ask him to take on the responsibilities of a godparent, but he still will not be considered a godparent. For such an agreement it is necessary to obtain the blessing of a priest or confessor, if you have one.
Is it possible to baptize a child for normal upbringing in the faith?
Such a concept as crossing into Orthodox Church No. A person is not born twice, either physically or spiritually, and Baptism is a spiritual birth in Christ.
In order for a child to be raised in the Orthodox faith, the adults around him must live according to the canons of this faith and be an example in a pious Christian life.
The responsibility that falls on godparents is great. Their mission goes beyond the time-bound nature of earthly life. Godparents are those who can be guides to the Kingdom of God for boys and girls.
Article format: Vladimir the Great
Video about children's baptism
What you need to know before baptizing a child:
Godparents: who can become a godparent? What do godmothers and godfathers need to know? How many godchildren can you have? The answers are in the article!
Briefly:
- The godfather, or godfather, must be Orthodox Christian. A godfather cannot be a Catholic, a Muslim, or a very good atheist, because main responsibility godfather - to help the child grow in the Orthodox faith.
- There must be a godfather church man, ready to regularly take his godson to church and monitor his Christian upbringing.
- After baptism has been performed, godfather cannot be changed, but if the godfather has changed greatly for the worse, the godson and his family should pray for him.
- Pregnant and unmarried women CAN to be godparents of both boys and girls - do not listen to superstitious fears!
- Godparents the child's father and mother cannot be, and husband and wife cannot be godparents of the same child. other relatives - grandmothers, aunts and even older brothers and sisters can be godparents.
Many of us were baptized in infancy and no longer remember how it happened. And then one day we are invited to become a godmother or godfather, or perhaps even more joyfully - our own child is born. Then we think once again about what the Sacrament of Baptism is, whether we can become godparents to someone and how we can choose godparents for our child.
Answers from Rev. Maxim Kozlov on questions about the responsibilities of godparents from the “Tatiana’s Day” website.
– I was invited to become godfather. What will I have to do?
– Being a godfather is both an honor and responsibility.
Godmothers and fathers, participating in the Sacrament, take responsibility for the little member of the Church, so they must be Orthodox people. Godparents, of course, should be a person who also has some experience of church life and will help the parents raise the baby in faith, piety and purity.
During the celebration of the Sacrament over the baby, the godfather (of the same gender as the child) will hold him in his arms, pronounce on his behalf the Creed and vows of renunciation of Satan and union with Christ. Read more about the procedure for performing Baptism.
The main thing in which the godfather can and should help and in which he undertakes an obligation is not only to be present at Baptism, but also then to help the one received from the font to grow, strengthen in church life, and in no case limit your Christianity only to the fact of Baptism. According to the teachings of the Church, for the way we took care of fulfilling these duties, we will be held accountable on the day of the last judgment, just as for the upbringing of our own children. Therefore, of course, the responsibility is very, very great.
– What should I give to my godson?
– Of course, you can give your godson a cross and a chain, and it doesn’t matter what they are made of; the main thing is that the cross be of the traditional form accepted in the Orthodox Church.
In the old days, there was a traditional church gift for christening - a silver spoon, which was called a “tooth gift”; it was the first spoon that was used when feeding a child, when he began to eat from a spoon.
– How can I choose godparents for my child?
– Firstly, godparents must be baptized, church-going Orthodox Christians.
The main thing is that the criterion for your choice of godfather or godmother is whether this person will subsequently be able to help you in a good, Christian upbringing received from the font, and not just in practical circumstances. And of course, important criterion there must be a degree of our acquaintance and simply the friendliness of our relationship. Think about whether the godparents you choose will be the child’s church teachers or not.
– Is it possible for a person to have only one godparent?
- Yes it is possible. It is only important that the godparent be of the same gender as the godson.
– If one of the godparents cannot be present at the Sacrament of Baptism, is it possible to carry out the ceremony without him, but register him as a godparent?
– Until 1917, there was a practice of absentee godparents, but it was applied only to members of the imperial family, when they, as a sign of royal or grand-ducal favor, agreed to be considered the godparents of a particular baby. If we are talking about a similar situation, do so, but if not, then it is perhaps better to proceed from generally accepted practice.
– Who can’t be a godfather?
- Of course, non-Christians - atheists, Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, and so on - cannot be godparents, no matter how close friends the child’s parents are and no matter how pleasant people they are to talk to.
An exceptional situation - if there are no close people close to Orthodoxy, and you are confident in the good morals of a non-Orthodox Christian - then the practice of our Church allows one of the godparents to be a representative of another Christian denomination: Catholic or Protestant.
According to the wise tradition of the Russian Orthodox Church, a husband and wife cannot be godparents of the same child. Therefore, it is worth considering if you and the person with whom you want to start a family are invited to become adoptive parents.
– Which relative can be godfather?
– An aunt or uncle, grandmother or grandfather can become the adoptive parents of their little relatives. You just need to remember that a husband and wife cannot be godparents of one child. However, it’s worth thinking about this: our close relatives will still take care of the child and help us raise him. In this case, aren’t we depriving the little person of love and care, because he could have one or two more adult Orthodox friends to whom he could turn throughout his life. This is especially important during the period when the child seeks authority outside the family. At this time, the godfather, without in any way opposing himself to the parents, could become the person whom the teenager trusts, from whom he asks for advice even about what he does not dare to tell his loved ones.
– Is it possible to refuse godparents? Or baptize a child for the purpose of normal upbringing in the faith?
– In any case, a child cannot be re-baptized, because the Sacrament of Baptism is performed once, and no sins of either godparents, or his natural parents, or even the person himself can cancel all those grace-filled gifts that are given to a person in the Sacrament of Baptism.
As for communication with godparents, then, of course, betrayal of faith, that is, falling away into one or another heterodox confession - Catholicism, Protestantism, especially falling into one or another non-Christian religion, atheism, a blatantly ungodly way of life - essentially speaks of that the person failed to fulfill his responsibility as a godfather. The spiritual union concluded in this sense in the Sacrament of Baptism can be considered dissolved by the godmother or godfather, and you can ask another church-going pious person to take a blessing from his confessor to take care of the godfather or godmother for this or that child.
“I was invited to be the girl’s godmother, but everyone tells me that the boy must be baptized first.” Is it so?
– The superstitious idea that a girl should have a boy as her first godson and that a baby girl taken from the font will become an obstacle to her subsequent marriage has no Christian roots and is an absolute fabrication that an Orthodox Christian woman should not be guided by.
– They say that one of the godparents must be married and have children. Is it so?
– On the one hand, the opinion that one of the godparents must be married and have children is a superstition, just like the idea that a girl who received a girl from the font will either not get married herself, or this will affect her fate some kind of imprint.
On the other hand, one can see a certain kind of sobriety in this opinion, if one does not approach it with a superstitious interpretation. Of course, it would be reasonable if people (or at least one of the godparents) who have sufficient life experience, who themselves already have the skill of raising children in faith and piety, and who have something to share with the baby’s physical parents, are chosen as godparents for the baby. And it would be highly desirable to look for such a godfather.
– Can a pregnant woman be a godmother?
– Church statutes do not prevent a pregnant woman from being a godmother. The only thing I urge you to think about is whether you have the strength and determination to share the love for your own child with the love for the adopted baby, whether you will have time to care for him, to advise the baby’s parents, to sometimes pray warmly for him , bring to the temple, somehow be a good older friend. If you are more or less confident in yourself and circumstances allow, then nothing prevents you from becoming a godmother, but in all other cases, it may be better to measure seven times before cutting once.
About godparents
Natalia Sukhinina
“I recently got into a conversation with a woman on the train, or rather, we even got into an argument. She argued that godparents, like father and mother, are obliged to raise their godson. But I don’t agree: a mother is a mother, whoever she allows to interfere in the child’s upbringing. I also once had a godson when I was young, but our paths diverged long ago, I don’t know where he lives now. And she, this woman, says that now I will have to answer for him. Responsible for someone else's child? I can’t believe it..."
(From a letter from a reader)
It so happened, and my life paths veered in a completely different direction from my godparents. Where they are now, how they live, and whether they are alive at all, I don’t know. I couldn’t even remember their names; I was baptized a long time ago, in infancy. I asked my parents, but they themselves don’t remember, they shrugged their shoulders, they said that people lived next door at that time, and they were invited to be godparents.
Where are they now, what are their names, do you remember?
To be honest, for me this circumstance was never a flaw, I grew up and grew up without godparents. No, I was lying, it happened once, I was jealous. A school friend was getting married and received a gossamer-thin gold chain as a wedding gift. The godmother gave it to us, she boasted, who could not even dream of such chains. That's when I became jealous. If I had a godmother, maybe I would...
Now, of course, having lived and thought about it, I am very sorry about my random “father and mother”, who are not even in my mind, that I remember them now in these lines. I remember without reproach, with regret. And, of course, in a dispute between my reader and a fellow traveler on the train, I am completely on the side of the fellow traveler. She's right. We must answer for the godsons and goddaughters who have fled from their parents’ nests, because they are not random people in our lives, but our children, spiritual children, godparents.
Who doesn't know this picture?
Dressed up people stand aside in the temple. The center of attention is a baby in lush lace, they pass him from hand to hand, go out with him, distract him so that he does not cry. They are waiting for the christening. They look at their watches and get nervous.
Godmothers and fathers can be recognized immediately. They are somehow especially focused and important. They are in a hurry to get their wallet to pay for the upcoming christening, give some orders, rustle with bags of baptismal robes and fresh diapers. Little man does not understand anything, gawks at the wall frescoes, at the lights of the chandelier, at the “persons accompanying him,” among which the godfather’s face is one of many. But when the priest invites you, it’s time. They fussed, became agitated, the godparents tried their best to maintain importance, but it didn’t work, because for them, as well as for their godson, today’s entrance into God’s temple is a significant event.
- When last time“Were you in church?” the priest will ask. They will shrug their shoulders in embarrassment. He may not ask, of course. But even if he doesn’t ask, you can still easily determine from the awkwardness and tension that the godparents are not church people, and only the event in which they were invited to participate brought them under the arches of the church. Father will ask questions:
- Do you wear a cross?
- Do you read prayers?
– Are you reading the Gospel?
– Do you honor church holidays?
And the godparents will begin to mutter something incomprehensible and lower their eyes guiltily. The priest will certainly reassure you and remind you of the duty of godfathers and mothers, and of Christian duty in general. The godparents will hastily and willingly nod their heads, humbly accept the conviction of sin, and either from excitement, or from embarrassment, or from the seriousness of the moment, few will remember and let into the heart the main thought of the priest: we are all responsible for our godchildren, and now and forever. And whoever remembers will most likely misunderstand. And from time to time, mindful of his duty, he will begin to contribute what he can to the well-being of his godson.
The first deposit immediately after baptism: an envelope with a crisp, solid bill - enough for a tooth. Then, for birthdays, as the child grows older, a luxurious set of children's trousseau, an expensive toy, a fashionable backpack, a bicycle, a branded suit, and so on up to a gold chain, to the envy of the poor, for a wedding.
We know very little. And it’s not just a problem, but something that we don’t really want to know. After all, if they wanted to, then before going to the temple as a godfather, they would have looked there the day before and asked the priest what this step “threatens” us, how best to prepare for it.
Godfather is a godfather in Slavic. Why? After immersion in the font, the priest transfers the baby from his own hands to the hands of the godfather. And he accepts, takes it into his own hands. The meaning of this action is very deep. By acceptance, the godfather takes upon himself the honorable, and most importantly, responsible mission of leading the godson along the path of ascension to the Heavenly inheritance. That's where! After all, baptism is the spiritual birth of a person. Remember in the Gospel of John: “Whoever is not born of water and the Spirit cannot enter the kingdom of God.”
The Church calls its recipients with serious words – “guardians of faith and piety”. But in order to store, you need to know. Therefore, only a believing Orthodox person can be a godfather, and not the one who went to church for the first time with the baby being baptized. Godparents must know at least the basic prayers “Our Father”, “Virgin Mother of God”, “May God rise again...”, they must know the “Creed”, read the Gospel, the Psalter. And, of course, wear a cross, be able to be baptized.
One priest told me: they came to baptize a child, but the godfather did not have a cross. Father to him: put on the cross, but he can’t, he’s unbaptized. Just a joke, but the absolute truth.
Faith and repentance are the two main conditions for union with God. But faith and repentance cannot be demanded from a baby in lace, so the godparents are called upon, having faith and repentance, to pass them on and teach them to their successors. That is why they pronounce, instead of babies, the words of the “Creed” and the words of renunciation of Satan.
– Do you deny Satan and all his works? - asks the priest.
“I deny,” the receiver answers instead of the baby.
The priest is wearing a light festive robe as a sign of the beginning of a new life, and therefore of spiritual purity. He walks around the font, censes it, and everyone standing next to the lit candles. Candles are burning in the hands of the recipients. Very soon, the priest will lower the baby into the font three times and, wet, wrinkled, not at all understanding where he is and why, the servant of God, will hand him over to the hands of his godparents. And he will be dressed in white robes. At this time, a very beautiful troparion is sung: “Give me a robe of light, dress in light, like a robe...” Accept your child, successors. From now on, your life will be filled with special meaning, you have taken upon yourself the feat of spiritual parenthood, and for how you carry it, you will now have to answer before God.
At the First Ecumenical Council, a rule was adopted according to which women become successors for girls, men for boys. Simply put, a girl needs only a godmother, a boy only a godfather. But life, as often happens, made its own adjustments here too. According to ancient Russian tradition, both are invited. Of course, you can’t spoil the porridge with oil. But even here it is necessary to know completely certain rules. For example, a husband and wife cannot be godparents to one child, just as a child’s parents cannot be his godparents at the same time. Godparents cannot marry their godchildren.
... The baby's baptism is behind us. Ahead of him big life, in which we are given a place equal to the father and mother who gave birth to him. Our work lies ahead, our constant desire to prepare our godson to ascend to spiritual heights. Where to begin? Yes, from the very beginning. At first, especially if the child is the first, parents are knocked off their feet by the worries that have fallen on them. They, as they say, don’t care about anything. Now is the time to give them a helping hand.
Carry the baby to Communion, make sure that icons hang over his cradle, give notes for him in church, order prayer services, constantly, like your own natural children, remember them in home prayers. Of course, there is no need to do this edifyingly, they say, you are mired in vanity, but I am all spiritual - I think about high things, I strive for high things, I take care of your child so that you can do without me... In general, the spiritual education of a child is only possible in case if the godfather is his own person in the house, welcome, tactful. Of course, you don’t need to shift all your worries onto yourself. The responsibilities of spiritual education are not removed from parents, but to help, support, replace somewhere, if necessary, this is mandatory, without this you cannot justify yourself before the Lord.
This is truly a difficult cross to bear. And, probably, you need to think carefully before placing it on yourself. Will I be able to? Do I have enough health, patience, and spiritual experience to become a recipient of a person entering life? And parents should take a good look at relatives and friends - candidates for the honorary post. Which one of them can truly become good helper in upbringing, who will be able to bestow your child with true Christian gifts - prayer, the ability to forgive, the ability to love God. And plush bunnies the size of elephants may be nice, but they are not at all necessary.
If there is trouble in the house, there are different criteria. How many unfortunate, restless children suffer from drunken fathers and unlucky mothers. And how many simply unfriendly, embittered people live under one roof and make children suffer cruelly. Such stories are as old as time and banal. But if a person who stood with a lit candle in front of the Epiphany font fits into this plot, if he, this person, rushes, as if into an embrasure, towards his godson, he can move mountains. Possible good is also good. We are not able to discourage a foolish man from drinking half a liter, to reason with a lost daughter, or to sing “put up, put up, put up” to two frowning halves. But we have the power to take a boy who is tired of affection to our dacha for a day, enroll him in Sunday school and take the trouble to take him there and pray. The feat of prayer is at the forefront of the godparents of all times and peoples.
The priests well understand the severity of the feat of their successors and do not give their blessing to recruit a lot of children for their children, good and different.
But I know a man who has more than fifty godchildren. These boys and girls are right from there, from childhood loneliness, childhood sadness. From a big childhood misfortune.
This man’s name is Alexander Gennadievich Petrynin, he lives in Khabarovsk, directs the Children’s Rehabilitation Center, or more simply, an orphanage. As a director, he does a lot, gets funds for classroom equipment, selects personnel from conscientious, unselfish people, rescues his charges from the police, collects them in basements.
Like a godfather, he takes them to church, talks about God, prepares them for Communion, and prays. He prays a lot, a lot. In Optina Pustyn, in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra, in the Diveyevo Monastery, in dozens of churches throughout Russia, long notes written by him about the health of numerous godchildren are read. He gets very tired, this man, sometimes he almost falls from fatigue. But he has no other choice, he is a godfather, and his godchildren are a special people. His heart is a rare heart, and the priest, understanding this, blesses him for such asceticism. A teacher from God, those who know him in action say about him. Godfather from God - can you say so? No, probably all godparents are from God, but he knows how to suffer like a godfather, knows how to love like a godfather, and knows how to save. Like a godfather.
For us, whose godchildren, like the children of Lieutenant Schmidt, are scattered throughout cities and towns, his service to children is an example of true Christian service. I think that many of us will not reach its heights, but if we are to make life from anyone, then it will be from those who understand their title of “successor” as a serious and not an accidental matter in life.
You can, of course, say: I am a weak person, a busy person, not much of a church member, and the best thing I can do in order not to sin is to refuse the offer to be a godfather altogether. It’s more honest and simpler, right? Easier - yes. But more honestly...
Few of us, especially when the time has imperceptibly approached to stop and look back, can say to ourselves - I am a good father, a good mother, I do not owe anything to my own child. We owe everyone, and the godless time in which our requests, our projects, our passions grew, is the result of our debts to each other. We won't give them back anymore. The children have grown up and are doing without our truths and our discoveries of America. The parents have grown old. But conscience, the voice of God, itches and itches.
Conscience requires an outburst, and not in words, but in deeds. Couldn't bearing the responsibilities of the cross be such a thing?
It’s a pity that there are few examples of the feat of the cross among us. The word "godfather" has almost disappeared from our vocabulary. And the recent wedding of my childhood friend’s daughter was a big and unexpected gift for me. Or rather, not even a wedding, which in itself is a great joy, but a feast, the wedding itself. And that's why. We sat down, poured the wine, and waited for the toast. Everyone is somehow embarrassed, the bride’s parents let the groom’s parents go ahead with the speeches, and they do the opposite. And then the tall one stood up and handsome man. He stood up somehow very businesslike. He raised his glass:
– I want to say, as the godfather of the bride...
Everyone became quiet. Everyone listened to the words about how the young people should live long, in harmony, with many children, and most importantly, with the Lord.
“Thank you, godfather,” said the charming Yulka, and from under her luxurious foaming veil she gave her godfather a grateful look.
Thank you godfather, I thought too. Thank you for carrying love for your spiritual daughter from the baptismal candle to the wedding candle. Thank you for reminding us all of what we had completely forgotten about. But we have time to remember. How much - the Lord knows. Therefore, we must hurry.
The sacrament of baptism is a great event in the life of every person, and especially for a child. All obligations that recipients undertake before God are very serious and responsible. That's why (this is very important) godparents, responsibilities who understand this responsibility, must convey to their godfather all the knowledge about the saving Sacraments of the Church, such as Confession and Communion, as well as convey knowledge about the meaning of worship. The responsibilities of godparents also include imparting knowledge about the meaning church calendar, about miracles church icons and other shrines.
Responsibilities of godparents - how to do it correctly and what to do?
As soon as the child plunges into the font, from that moment on, responsibility passes to the recipients. Now the “second” parents will have to attend church and services together with the baby, teach 
comply with the Church Rules. But the main thing is to pray for your godson both in joy and in sorrow. Always be there in difficult times. What exactly are the main responsibilities of godparents at baptism? They must give them more from the font or help them find a new path in life. The godfather must buy a cross. As a rule, a chain is not bought, since according to customs the baby wears a cross on a string or ribbon. Just like every conscious believer, recipients need to know following prayers: “Our Father”, “Creed”, “Virgin Mother of God”!
Parents, as well as the godson, must be prepared for the Sacrament of baptism. Recipients must know the basics of Orthodox teaching, as well as have a pious attitude towards the rules of Christian piety. Such important events as Fasting, Confession and Communion for godparents are not strictly obligatory, but the believer must adhere to them. All this must be competently transferred to the godson. If he is a baby, then love for the church will be instilled from a conscious age. Very good sign will be the reading of the prayer of the Creed by one of the recipients. For a godson, the prayer is read according to gender: for a girl - the godmother, for a boy - the father.
Before Baptism, it is advisable to confess, because it is important that not only your thoughts are pure, but also your soul. There must be blessed crosses on the body. Those invited must bring donations to the church. This is not necessary, but you should not neglect customs.
Godparents should know about such responsibilities!
From this day on, the godparents must protect the godson from all kinds of temptations and enticements. This is precisely what is most dangerous for children and adolescents. In the future, a godparent can help with choosing a profession. Important 
will be advice when choosing a life partner. The Russian Church teaches that it is the chosen successors who prepare the wedding for the godson. It is worth noting that even in case of physical suffering, godparents should provide assistance and this is done first, and brothers, sisters, grandparents help only then! Spiritual connection is stronger than physical!
The responsibilities of godparents for a girl are no different from those for a boy. However, girls are given a little more attention, as they are taught humility and faith, which directly leads to submission. For a girl, the chosen godmother is the second most close person, because she can replace the physical mother. The mother's responsibilities include buying a kryzhma or rizka - this is a special towel in which the baby is wrapped after the bath.
If godparents take their responsibilities lightly, then this becomes a grave spiritual sin. This is what will pass on to the fate of the chosen godson. Do not become a godson if you cannot take on such great responsibility; you should not accept the invitation to become a second godson. Physical parents should also not take rejection as neglect or insult. After all godparents responsibilities must be performed fully and with a pure soul.
Please note that all people must be churchgoers, otherwise: how can a godson go to church with his godparent? All main 
the positions that should be instilled in the godson are love, humility, forbearance, patience and continuous work in the spiritual education of your child - all these are the main ones responsibilities of godparents! All this is also the main proof of the truth of Orthodoxy for the godson and for his successors.
You can learn in advance how to behave correctly in church during the Sacrament of Baptism. Mainly, you need to buy the right baptismal set. If one of the parents buys it, it will not be considered a mistake. What is important is the meaning of the reception itself; presence during the celebration of the Sacrament is important. Of course, both parents must give their consent. Without godparents, baptism is performed only in special cases, for example, if the child's life may be in serious danger.
More about godparents
The sacrament of baptism relates a person to the One Apostolic Church. Orthodox teaching has its own certain doctrinal principles, from which one cannot deviate. That is why only people of the same faith can become guarantors of a godson. The recipients assume the responsibility to educate only the Orthodox faith. A person with other religions simply cannot do this.
As soon as baptism takes place, parents and baby will become spiritually closer and become related. This is mandatory; godparents fulfill their duties in full. And such spiritual kinship belongs to the first degree and is fully recognized by the church and its canons!
It is worth noting that such a relationship becomes stronger than biological. Between themselves, these two concepts become practically incompatible. An important point is that parents who adopt a child cannot become godparents for him. This is explained by the fact that they will find the closest family connection with each other and will not be able to continue their marital cohabitation.
The theme of “godparents and godchildren”, of course, is not comparable to eternal theme“fathers and sons”, but still it is very relevant in our time. After all, the traditions of succession were interrupted. And it often turns out that people who are far from the Church, but still want to baptize a child, choose a godfather for him for purely everyday reasons. And in the families of churchgoers, sometimes stumbling blocks arise in the relationship between godparents and godchildren. We want to talk about some of these problems.
Background
The role of godparents among the first Christians cannot be understood without knowing the conditions in which they lived.
Communities of the first Christians gathered in their homes. Sometimes houses were even specially rebuilt - demolished internal partitions, they held a baptism. The photo shows such a rebuilt house from the 3rd century. Baptistery in the Meeting House. Dura-Europos (Syria).
According to the imperial edicts, Christianity was outlawed as a harmful sect. Introducing someone to a creed that denied the divinity of the ruling Augustus and prohibited making obligatory sacrifices to the gods and images of the emperor was considered a crime against the state and was prosecuted under the law of insulting the majesty of the emperor.
For Roman Christians, it was important to provide such instruction and education to the newly baptized that would help them become true members of the Church. The situation was especially complicated by the fact that, unlike later times, the bulk of those baptized were not infants, but adults who came to baptism consciously. This forced Christians to save for them long term announcements to assimilate the essence of the doctrine and help them, keeping them from doubts and deviations.
Household slaves lived in the houses of wealthy Romans - servants, educators, and wet nurses for children. In fact, they were the younger members of the family, involved in all its affairs. Christianity gradually spread among them, and for a person attached to children, it was natural to try to save the child for the future life. This gave rise to the secret teaching of children in the basics of the Christian faith and their baptism by people who were not related to them by blood. These people became their successors, godparents.
During the baptism of an adult, the recipient was a witness and guarantor for the seriousness of the intention and for the right faith of the person being baptized. At the baptism of infants and the sick, speechless, the recipients made vows and recited the Creed. The 54th rule of the Council of Carthage provided: “Sick people who cannot answer for themselves will be baptized when, by their will, others testify about them, under their own responsibility.”
In development of the 83rd and 72nd rules of the Council of Carthage, the Council of Trullo, in the 84th rule, established that found children, about whose baptism there is no reliable information, also had to be baptized. In this case, the recipients actually became the children's mentors.
Initially, only one recipient participated in baptism: when baptizing a woman, a woman, and a man, a man. Subsequently, the analogy with physical birth was extended to baptism: both the godfather and the godmother began to participate in it.
Church rules (and, in full agreement with them, the civil laws of the Empire that adopted Christianity) did not allow the physical parents of the person being baptized (people already close to him), minors (people who, due to their age, are not capable of providing spiritual guidance) and monks (people renounced from the world).
In Russia in the 18th-19th centuries, children in villages were baptized in infancy a few days, or less often weeks, from birth. The latter was not associated with any special customs, but, for example, with the remoteness of the village from the temple.
As a rule (exceptions were extremely rare), recipients participated in the baptism of children. They tried to choose them among people they knew well, more often relatives.
Among Slavic peoples, including among Russians, the custom of having both a godfather and a godmother spread very quickly. They had to be of legal age and capable of performing their duties responsibly. In 1836, the Synod established the lower age limit for godparents - 14 years. When performing the sacrament itself, the duties of the godfather included paying all material expenses for its implementation and the subsequent celebration, as well as taking care of the cross for the baby. The godmother was required to present the baby with a robe - a cloth in which he was wrapped after taking him out of the font, a blanket and a baptismal shirt.
Often they tried to find godparents among blood relatives who could take responsibility for raising children in the event of the death of their parents. This practice was not condemned: it was believed that family relationships only strengthened.
Yaroslav ZVEREV
Wedding General or Fairy Godmother?
A godfather or, in other words, a godfather is a person who takes upon himself the responsibility for the church upbringing of a child. He makes vows to Christ for his godson, renounces Satan, reads the Creed during the Sacrament of Baptism. After the baby is immersed in the font three times, the priest passes him into the arms of his godfather, who receives him from the font - hence the “receiver.”
But the Sacrament of Baptism was completed, it was celebrated, life moved on, and after a while the parents of the baptized baby have complaints: “the godfather forgets us” - he communicates little with the child, rarely calls, to the point of disappearing from life altogether godson. What’s upsetting is not even the fact that the godfather rarely appears (this, of course, is unpleasant, but understandable, given how busy everyone is today). It's a shame to have a formal attitude towards the recipient. For example, one girl said that she godfathers They invited a church-going person who was authoritative for them, but in his entire life he never tried to establish contact with her. Once, long ago, in childhood, he gave her a bouquet of flowers - this is her only memory of him. Of course, the godfather prayed for her - this is the duty of the godparent under any circumstances - but this was clearly not enough for the child.
Speaking about the duties of a godfather, it is difficult to list: they say, he must do this and that. Everything - except prayer - depends on the situation. Often godparents see their help only in “transporting” the child to the temple and back. But if the godson’s parents need help, and the godfather has free time, then going for a walk with your child or staying at home with him is a duty of love. Many “prudent” (in the good sense of the word) parents, when thinking about who to ask to become a godfather, choose just such godparents on whom they can rely.
In addition, godparents need to remember how important it is for any children - from church and non-church families - to feel a sense of celebration and friendly communication. For example, one young woman recalled that as a child, her godmother always took her to the Shokoladnitsa cafe or the Anchor fish restaurant after communion. A visit to the temple turned into friendly communication for festive table, all together left an impression in my memory fairy tale. Of course, communication was not limited to this. The godmother took her to monasteries and read good books, for example, Nikiforova-Volgina (and she read it out loud herself, and did not give the “correct” book for show), and made memorable gifts. You could always call your godmother before a difficult exam asking for prayer help - and be sure that she would pray for you.
Unchurched family: insist or give up?
Godparents, when talking about difficulties in relationships with godchildren, most often mention situations related to the fact that the godson’s parents are not churchgoers. For example, at first they promised not to interfere with the child’s churching, they even showed interest in the Church, but soon after baptism they forgot about all the promises. In words, it seems that the possibility of communication remains, but in reality... In the summer you need to go to the dacha, in the winter there is a flu epidemic. The rest of the time, I have a runny nose, or need to visit my grandmother, or go to the market to buy overalls, and in general, Sunday is the only day off when you can get enough sleep. And if you manage to go to church with your godson at least twice a year, that’s good.
In general, before agreeing to become the godfather of a child from an unchurched family, you need to consult with your confessor. But what to do if the child has already been baptized, and the parents, despite their promises, remain indifferent to the Church?
Godparents familiar with this situation advise not to take the child to a temple located far from the godson’s home. It is better to go to the nearest church, having previously found out when the service begins and what time is most convenient to give the child communion. If there are several temples near your house, then it is better to find out where it is less crowded, where the atmosphere is calmer and more welcoming.
Should a godfather, who is not allowed to fulfill his direct duties, insist on his rights? It can be assumed that aggressive preaching is likely to cause rejection. Does this mean we should give up? In answer to this question good story said Archpriest Theodore BORODIN, rector of the Church of the Holy Unmercenaries and Wonderworkers Cosmas and Damian on Maroseyka: “My sister and I met my future godmother, seemingly by accident. Some woman was moving into our house, and my father was asked to move her furniture. Her father saw her icons. Therefore, when later there was talk of baptizing their children, the parents turned to her - to Vera Alekseevna. This unexpected meeting changed our entire subsequent lives. Everyone thought that we would be baptized - that’s all, but Vera Alekseevna began to enlighten us and, apparently, prayed very hard for us. She took us to the temple. It was very difficult for me. All my childhood memories from the church are only back pain and sandwiches that she gave us when we, tired and hungry, left the church after communion.
It happens that some godparents pray, worry about the child, but are afraid of being intrusive.
But she insisted, said: “You promised me,” warned: “In two weeks I will take Anya and Fedya to the temple, please, don’t let them eat in the morning.” She asked: “Anya and Fedya, have you read your prayers?” I remember she gave us a prayer book and marked three prayers that should be read. Two weeks later she came to us: “Well, Fedya, did you read your prayers?” I say yes". She took the prayer book and said: “If you were reading it, then the first paper cover would be crushed like this, this is not the case, which means you rarely opened it. It’s not good to deceive your godmother.” I felt ashamed, and from then on I began to say prayers.
We were also drawn into the circle of Christian education that took place at the godmother’s house. She had several dozen godchildren. She tried to reach their hearts through evenings of reading, Christian rethinking of poetry, music, and literature. Thanks to this, we discovered faith in a completely new way. We learned that Orthodoxy is not old women in church, that the heritage of all Russian culture is essentially Orthodox. She managed to truly church very a large number of of people. Among her godchildren are three priests, many people living a full church life. Despite the fact that most of us were from families absolutely far from the Church.”
If it turns out that relations with the non-church parents of your godson have reached a dead end and your life paths separated, and the child is still too small to communicate independently, then turn into “ wedding general" do not do it. It would be more honest to simply pray heartily for this child.
Teenager
Many priests and teachers warn that during adolescence, a child will almost inevitably rebel against parental authority and seek support outside the family. “This is age feature for teenagers - they definitely need someone outside the family, an authoritative adult who they can rely on. And a godfather can become such an authority,” says Elena Vladimirovna VOSPENNIKOVA, a Sunday school teacher at the Church of St. Nicholas in Kuznetsy. — How to prepare yourself for this? Firstly, the godfather must take part in the child’s life from childhood, in any issues not only related to the Church. Communication with the godfather should be versatile - this also helps in homework, and going to the theater together, and discussing what is interesting to both you and the child. Secondly, the godfather must be an authority for the child. And this is only possible when the child sees that you are doing it sincerely, not out of duty.”
But it is important not just to maintain a good relationship. The main thing is to help the teenager not lose faith. How to do it? Only personal example. Elena Vasilyevna KRYLOVA, teacher at the St. Demetrius School of Sisters of Charity: “If a child sees that it is impossible for the godfather to stay at home on Sunday instead of going to the Liturgy, that the life of the godfather does not exist without the church, only then the words of the godfather can be heard. If a child feels thanks to participation in church sacraments, thanks to communication with the godfather that there is another life, then even if he falls away in the ordeals of adolescence, he will then return to the Church. And you can attract a teenager to the temple through common affairs. Now in the youth world outside the Church, everything is limited to parties, discos, but teenagers need real things to do.”
There are a lot of such things in the Church: trips to orphanages, helping people, missionary trips, restoration of ancient churches with young people from “Restavros” in the most picturesque places and much more! 
Baptism in an orphanage
In the ancient Church, infants were not baptized without guardians, since Christian upbringing could not be guaranteed in pagan families. And now it is impossible to baptize a child without an adult recipient. But what about children in orphanages and orphanages? After all, the situation here is completely special. It is very difficult for the baby’s godparents (if they can be found) to trace the further fate of their godson
Is this a reason to refuse to baptize abandoned babies altogether? Svetlana POKROVSKAYA, Head of the Board of Trustees of St. Alexia: “Once a month we go to a children’s hospital where newborn abandoned children with severe heart defects are kept. Children are usually nameless. The priest names them and baptizes them. Subsequently, we cannot trace the fate of these children; the hospital administration does not provide such information. Many of them die before reaching three or four months. And we cannot guarantee a Christian upbringing for the surviving children. Therefore, our activities cause contradictory attitudes. It happened that I applied to a priest with a request for baptism, but he refused to baptize without godparents, and such godparents who would bear their responsibilities in full until adoption. But many other priests believe that it is impossible to deprive babies of grace just because there are no recipients. After all, a godfather can pray for a child, write his name in notes, so that a particle can be taken out at the altar for a sick, suffering child, and this is very important. Therefore, we ask those who agree to be godparents to first of all pray for the children.”
The situation when an orphanage child is baptized at a conscious age is significantly different from the previous one. Here the godfather must understand that children become very attached to adults who show attention to them, and therefore it will be impossible to leave the child once he has started communicating with him. Many are afraid of such responsibility, they are afraid that the child will want to be taken into the family. Marina NEFEDOVA (she, along with other parishioners of the Church of the Annunciation in Fedosino, helps the nearest orphanage baptize children), based on his experience, says: “Children over seven years old understand that their godfather takes them to church, visits them, but does not become an adoptive parent. It seems to me that it would be very good if the orphanage children had godparents who would communicate with them for many years.”
It happens that people are asked to become godparents too often. But there are reasonable human limits. According to many confessors, you should soberly assess your capabilities and try to be constant in those relationships that already exist. After all, they will ask us what we did and how we took care of those we received from the font.
Veronica BUZYNKINA